In the Name of Love
by Lunaschild2016
Summary: If he hadn't found her, if he hadn't met her that day, would he have ever have had the courage to go to the home he always knew he belonged? Would he have had the courage to defy his family and their power hungry ways and remain true to himself? She gave him the reason, a family, now he hopes he can keep them all alive. Eric/OC AU (T for now may go M later depending.)
1. Chapter 1

If I told you this was only gonna hurt

If I warned you that the fire's gonna burn

Would you walk in? Would you let me do it first?

Do it all in the name of love

Would you let me lead you even when you're blind?

In the darkness, in the middle of the night

In the silence, when there's no one by your side

Would you call in the name of love?

If I told you we could bathe in all the lights

Would you rise up, come and meet me in the sky?

Would you trust me when you're jumping from the heights?

Would you fall in the name of love?

When there's madness, when there's poison in your head

When the sadness leaves you broken in your bed

I will hold you in the depths of your despair

And it's all in the name of love

[In the name of love, Bebe Rexha & Martin Garrix]

 **Chapter 1**

Lilah sat waiting in the alley by the school for her friends. She had ditched her brother shortly before they even left the school and scrambled her way to the where they would meet. She hated having had to ditch him but he had been more than disapproving of her plans. He would have given her a lecture about bringing more trouble on herself than necessary. The thing was that trouble was going to come to her whether she went with her friends or not so why not get what she could for the price she would pay.

She hadn't been waiting long when another kind of trouble approached her way.

"Well look what we have here. Does the little abnegation girl want to play?" A greasy looking Candor boy along with a mousy looking girl of the same faction approached her with sneers on their faces.

Lilah gave an internal sigh and turned to face the two Mouth's straight on. They both looked a bit startled when she did because her face wasn't one of the typical Abnegation meekness. It would never be that way and that is what got her into so much more trouble with her father than her brother. He was willing to play the role and she just couldn't.

"It depends on what kind of game you have in mind. If it is one that involves you limping your way out of this alley….well then yeah I can get behind that kind of game." She said in mock sweetness.

The Candor girl hesitated and looked over to her fellow faction member for guidance. She lost that hesitancy when two more Candor boys came up behind to join them.

Lilah sighed and shook her head already preparing to go down fighting. "Alright then. Let's get this over with. But I promise you that at least one of you will be leaving with something broken."

"What the hell?" He barely had time to get the question out before he was moving towards the skirmish happening right in front of him. All he saw was black and white circling around a blur of grey whirling around. Obviously Candor's had found a stray Abnegation and decided to take advantage of the situation.

He didn't care about saving a stiff really but fuck if he was going to let cowardice go on. That is what these dicks were. Fucking cowards. He had a hold of one of the guys shirts and tossed him back while already moving to take on another.

The abnegation was a girl and she looked beat up but so did the guy she was currently working on. So he shifted focus while laughing a little at that bit of shock. He went to the other one that was in the mix to even things up a bit.

The guy he tossed had hit the wall and was stunned but he would be up soon enough. There looked to be a girl Candor crouching near a wall and holding an arm that was decidedly broken. She was sobbing and wasn't a threat if she ever had been one.

Lilah was barely paying attention to the Erudite boy that had approached the group. He wasn't a threat right now. He seemed to be out for the Candor's but that didn't mean that he wouldn't switch to her when they were out of the way. It was just the way things were. Abnegation were hated by almost all of the factions. The only reason Amity didn't was because hate is against their very beliefs. She hoped she could take care of this before Savannah and Alicia showed up. They didn't need to be involved in this. They weren't like her, they couldn't take beatings. Even with all their self taught training she had them beat by years on how to take a beating and still remain standing.

Her skirt ripped when she leaped up into a kick and a growl escaped her lips. "Dammit! You fucking made me tear my skirt!" Why would this piss her off? Because now she had to go home in it and that meant her father coming down on her even more then he already would.

She launched into a series of jabs and punches after she got the guy down on the ground and didn't realize he was out until she was hauled back. She growled and went to swing again but steel arms encased her.

"Whoa there. You got him down. No point in killing the coward." The erudite said in a way too amused but also warm voice. "Breath it out."

He had already taken care of the two remaining Candor's and had watched as this sprite of a girl whirled around the Candor she was facing. He had been about to step in until she had jumped and landed a kick. He heard the skirt rip and then that face that had been deadly calm had contorted into a real look of anger.

He wanted to crack into laughter when he heard it was because of her skirt ripping but something about that had him frowning. That frown and turned into being truly afraid he was going to watch her beat the kids head in.

Even now her body was trembling in rage and he started to pull her more out of the alley they were in. What she was doing back here alone and on the path that the Erudite took was beyond him. He needed to get them away from the carnage though.

"I'm ok." Lilah said simply as he basically carried her out of the alley. She couldn't let him take her too far because her friends would worry. "I won't go back after him I promise. He deserves it but I won't do it." Her voice was broken because she was still panting from the exertion of the fight but otherwise she was regaining her calm.

"Let me see." He said putting her down and then turned her to face him. His grey eyes were looking over her face intensley. One hand moved to cup her cheek and tilted her face up more. Her lip was split and she knew she had bruising along her jaw and a black eye appearing. His thumb moved over this lightly. His forehead scrunched up with a frown.

He was getting more angry as he was able to take in the damage. "How is your stomach and ribs?" He knew he couldn't look there. It was a wonder she was letting him even touch her this much. He had to figure though she must not be like normal Abnegation if she was fighting back like she had been. Why he cared how hurt she was he couldn't say. Normally he wouldn't give a fuck and would even be amused if some stiff got beat up. Something about her though had him instantly caring.

Lilah swallowed and had to catch her breath. Only this time it wasn't from the fight. It was from the tingles she was getting as those rough hands made there way across her face so tenderly. She saw his frown slowly turn into a smirk and his eyes take on a look of amusement.

He had asked her something but she couldn't remember what it was. "Sorry….what?" She finally got out.

He chuckled a little and shook his head. Deciding not to comment on her obvious reaction to him. He decided not to because he himself was having some kind of reaction and for once he decided he wasn't going to be a dick to someone to mask what was going on with him.

"I asked how your ribs and stomach are? I am sure you took some hits there. Would it be ok if I looked?" He asked this softly with a small smile still in place.

"Umm...I got hit but I will be fine. I have had worse." She muttered without thinking and his frown returned.

He didn't even let her speak or object as he was lifting the sweater shirt and looking for himself. It wasn't the bruising on her ribs and stomach that drew his attention right away. It was the scars that from the way they wrapped around her ribs that told him they started at the back. She was spinning before she could pull her sweater down again to keep him from seeing just that.

"Don't please." She started to ask but it was too late. His hand was already running down them and she heard his breathing pick up. Not in lustful kind of way but in building anger.

She sighed and let him explore. He had already seen and there was no point in trying to scramble to cover herself. She wasn't like her brother with them. She didn't necessarily want to hide the things that her father did to them. She was just biding her time until she could make sure he paid for them.

When he was done he lowered the shirt again and turned her to face him. His eyes were darker now but still grey. "I don't suppose you are going to tell me who did that shit to you?" The voice that had been full of warmth and amusement earlier was filled with what would be in the future deadly menace. It was just maturing, like he was, at the age of 15.

Her eyes were these beautiful color of deep blues. A mix of them that had changed from when he first turned her to face him. Under the bruising and even with it...or maybe because of it...dammit he didn't know, he just knew she was beautiful. Hell must be freezing over because here he was thinking a damn stiff was beautiful. Oh what would his aunt say if she could see him now.

She smiled at him and shook her head. "Even if I told you it wouldn't do any good. I am waiting...and when my time comes I will strike hard at the bastard."

Something struck him about that. A memory of a conversation his aunt was having with his parents about someone in Abnegation. A leader….

Fuck, a leader. No wonder she wouldn't say and couldn't say. It still made it all that much worse though. His hand was going to cup her cheek again when he heard a name being called, yelled more like, and two Erudite girls he vaguely recognized approached quickly.

"Lilah. Oh my god Lilah. What happened to you?" Cried out the taller of the two girls with mocha colored skin. She turned to glare at him as the shorter girl went to Lilah's side and started looking her over worriedly.

"I'm fine guys. Seriously. I wouldn't have been without…." She looked at her Erudite rescuer and frowned because she hadn't gotten his name. She saw him hesitate and looking uncomfortable at Savannah as she continued to glare at him. Then finally he looked back to her, head tilted and smiled.

"Eric. My name is Eric Coulter."

She smiled back at him and for a seconds it was just the two of them. Then Alicia got her attention by probing her lip. Lilah winced a little and continued her previous thought. "If Eric hadn't stepped in then I would be a lot worse. At least I got a few of them though." She shrugged and sighed ruefully.

"Only you Lilah. You seem to attract trouble like a magnet. No more waiting for us in the alley. That place is just bad luck for us." Alicia said trying to ease the tension. Far be it from her to be the one to tell Lilah that her rescuer might be her tormentor on any other day. It was hard thing to predict with Eric Coulter.

Eric realized he was still holding Lilah by the waist with one arm so he stepped back and cleared his throat. "I better get going." He saw disappointment flash in her eyes and he made a promise to himself to keep an eye out for her. He might not talk to her again. It wouldn't be wise to anyways but he could at least watch out for her. "Try to stay out of trouble, Lilah." He said softly, once again they forgot others were there for a few seconds.

"You too Eric." She responded with a little playful smirk.

He chuckled and shook his head then caught the glance of the taller girl that was still glaring at him and he sighed internally. Even if he did try and talk to her she wouldn't want anything to do with him once her friend informed her of just who he was and what he was supposedly like. He had a reputation after all. Some of it was based on fact and some of it was just talk. He cast one last look at her and then went and picked up the bag he dropped when he had decided to get involved in it all. She was watching him, he could feel her eyes until he was out of sight completely.

Lilah sighed and looked to her friends who were looking at her worriedly. "I'm ok guys really. You both know I have had worse."

Savannah didn't trust that she was alright. Especially with Eric having been around. "Did he threaten you Lilah? Are you afraid he might come after you? Because if he touched you in any way Lilah I will find a way to hurt him." Savannah started ranting softly as she turned Lilah this way and that.

Lilah grabbed her hand and pulled away. "Sav….I don't know what you are talking about. Eric helped me out and he sure as hell didn't need to. He was checking me for injuries when you guys came up."

Alicia's eyes get wide. "Lilah did he…."

Lilah sighed and nodded, interrupting the question she knew was coming. "I didn't tell him who I am but I don't think it will be hard to figure that out. He seemed upset about it though."

Savannah scoffed. "Eric is the master of putting on a nice face for all to see to hide his true self. Most likely he is fucking gleeful right now Lilah. I hate to tell you this….but Eric is Jeanine Matthews nephew."

Lilah's heart jumps to her throat and she lets out of a hiss of air. Jeanine Matthews. What that bitch would do with this information. She didn't care that it would expose Marcus and she hoped it would and take him down hard. But Tobias couldn't handle the scandal and ridicule. She had to protect her brother.

She ran a hand over her face and sighed. She played back every part of her encounter with Eric Coulter. It was like a movie in her head but she relived it right down to his touch and the feel of the skin of his fingers on her. There was a part she got to where she knew he put it together. She knew that he had it figured out but she didn't see pleasure or even calculation in the eyes that held hers. She saw rage and anger in his eyes. In that moment she knew she didn't have to worry about Eric. Jeanine was still a worry but she had always been even before now.

She wouldn't argue with Savannah though. Savannah was the type that had to be shown by actions not words before she believed something. So she changed the subject and went on to the purpose they were meeting here on a friday afternoon with her friends laden down with bags.

She smiled widely. "Are we ready to head to Amity then? I know I am ready to do some training and camping."

This turned the mood around though they still insisted on getting her tended to while they all changed into the clothes they had stashed in the bag that would help them blend into Amity. Johana knew them of course but they all felt it was best they at least look the part while in the sector.

They wasted no time in finishing getting dressed and making a dash for the trains and on to their weekend. They also didn't know that Eric hadn't been able to leave until he knew she was ok. He could only smirk and shake his head as he watched the three laughing girls running for the train and catching it like pros.

From her fight and attitude he had a feeling she wouldn't be staying with Abnegation. The question was would he be joining where she was so obviously going? Not if his Aunt had anything to say about it. Eric's fists clenched as he closed his eyes and tried to tame that temper that was always getting him into trouble and was source of constant disappointment to his parents and Aunt.

If they had anything to say about it he would be staying in Erudite and taking a place by her side. Her side for the big plans she was always hinting at but would never tell him what they were. Only that he would play a key role and she was counting on him. His whole fucking life planned out for him and he wanted nothing more than to tell them all to fuck off.

The question was he going to be brave enough to do just that?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 _Eight Months Later_

Lilah moved through the school library hurriedly. She didn't have much time to grab the book that she wanted before she was questioned by the dragon lady that called herself a librarian. The woman was a dragon in almost every sense of the word. Hoarding these books like they were her own personal treasure but those she deigned worthy, of course, could pass.

She gave a quick look and dashed down the aisle with the books on languages. She grabbed the one that she was looking for but then got caught up in looking at the selection before her. She felt steps coming up behind her and was about ready to bolt while giving her excuses but she was grabbed and pulled into a hidden area. A big hand was covering her mouth to cut off her curse that was bubbling from her lips.

When she finally was turned to face the person she smirked into his hand that he still kept over her mouth as he mimed to be quiet. He kept her like that for a minute and she found out why when Mrs. Juniper, Dragon Lady Librarian extraordinaire, stalked by as if she was hunting something down. She probably was hunting someone down. Herself to be exact.

When the coast was clear he finally removed his hand from her mouth but didn't back away from her. He shouldn't be doing this but he hadn't been able to stop himself from following her when he saw her whizzing by the aisle he was in. He knew immediately she was going to be getting a book she wasn't supposed to have and had gone on alert.

Mrs. Juniper had some kind of sick fucking sixth sense about intruders in her domain. She would have been on Lilah in a second.

"Eric." Lilah greeted him with a smile, amusement dancing in her eyes.

It had been eight months since their first encounter. She hadn't talked to him again but she did see him often in school. In the hallways, the library or in the cafeteria. She found it amazing she hadn't noticed him or seen him before that day. Now he was always there but also so far away. It had been better that way for the both of them. She knew he couldn't be seen with her and she couldn't be seen with him.

The children of two bitter enemies in this city and from different factions. It was not smart to be forming attachments. It was also already too late. She watched for him as much as she suspected he did her. Their eyes met in the halls or the cafeteria often. In those times, a thousand words could be spoken in the span of seconds and yet none of them would ever be spoken aloud.

He lets his eyes move over her as he smiled. "Lilah."

This was as close as he had allowed himself to be to her since that day. It didn't stop him from watching her often. Following her after school or even watching as her friends would sneak her into Erudite. He ran interference where he could, observed everything and felt a growing discomfort at how much he thought about her.

"How have you been?" She asked with her head tilted and taking in how much he had already changed in these months.

He was already getting so tall and broad. Not that he hadn't already been there before, just now he was filling it out more. By the time choosing rolled around he was going to be a very dominating figure. She was tempted to reach up and run her hand through those close cropped curls in his dark blonde hair. In fact she had to clench her hands together just to keep from doing that. He must have noticed because he started smirking at her.

"I have been keeping out of trouble as much as I could. How about you Lilah? Not the trouble part. I think that might be your middle name. How have things been at home?" He couldn't resist asking or touching her like she was doing in keeping herself from touching him.

So he reached up to cup her face and felt tension release in his body at the contact. It also released at the fact that she didn't pull away or push him away. In fact she sighed and leaned into his hand, her eyes closed for a minute before he stroked her cheek and willed her to open them again. He needed to see those eyes again, to get lost in them for as long as he could.

Lilah smiled and looked to Eric again. He smiled slightly but she could see the worry in the way his forehead scrunched up and the intensity of those grey eyes. "They are as good as can be expected Eric."

She replies truthfully but not fully. They were about as good as could be expected. She willingly bore the brunt of the punishments. Not all physical. Sometimes it was labor or a verbal spewing of hate and a litany of words meant to tear her down. Sometimes she did things on purpose to bring down on herself so that he would leave Tobias alone. Sometimes she would get it no matter what.

Just her existing was enough for her father's wrath. Tobias hated that she kept pulling attention to herself and had started to become more irascible and rebellious to try and counteract her own acts. He wouldn't do those things to protect himself but for her he would.

She loved the dumbass even more for that but it just made her have to go even further in her own behavior. She had promised her mother she would look out for him and she meant to keep that promise. Even when she knew the truth that their own mother hadn't been willing or able to do that herself.

But that was another secret she buried deep within herself to lock away forever. It would destroy her brother if he ever found out.

Eric's face turned dark and he closed his eyes as he tried to breath and get his temper under control. The thought of that fucker…..

He felt Lilah's hand against his cheek and he mimicked her movement of leaning into her hand. "Eric look at me." She commanded him softly.

Eric gave a small quiet huff of laughter and opened his eyes. "Ma'am." He drawled as if addressing a superior.

She smirked at him and it just made him long to kiss her. At sixteen those urges were almost ruling his body lately. His temper, his urges for physical gratification, his need for extreme physical activity and even adrenaline based activities….they all seemed to be taking over him lately.

"You can't stop it. I can't stop it but I can and will strike when the time is right." She said this quietly, fiercely and firmly. Somehow she knew he would get it and understand. That he would even approve.

"If I could kill him Lil's…." He trailed off and blushed a little when he said the nickname he had for her in his mind.

She blushed but also smiled in pleasure. "I know Eric but I have to fight my own battles. Otherwise they will always haunt me."

They didn't kiss but he did press his forehead to hers. He noticed that she had gotten taller in the months that he had last been close to her. She was starting to develop too and he could tell that just from the little that showed when she would change into the Erudite or Amity clothes her group wore on their excursions. He was pleased by her height for some reason. It seemed like maybe she was just made for him the way they meshed already.

"If you ever need me Lilah...I don't care what it is for...find me and I will help you even if it is to…"

She stopped him by shaking her head and putting fingers to his mouth. "Don't." She willed him not to speak it because she feared that somehow it would get back to her father or Jeanine. She sighed. "If I need you and if you need me." She agreed. Eric nodded but pressed his lips to the fingers that were still on his mouth in a soft kiss. They both shivered at that contact and closed their eyes for a few seconds before he took her hand in his and sighed then opened his eyes again.

"I don't know when I will be able to talk to you again like this Lilah. I have to go but give me five minutes and I will lead Mrs. Juniper to the philosophy section." Eric pulled away and looked for her agreement.

"Thank you Eric." She said with a smile and nod.

"Anything Lil's." He pushed away but then stopped and frowned. "Lilah, since you are in the section….pick up a book on french. I always liked that language." He smirked at her with a wink then laughed at her blush before he looked around and then darted away to find his target.

Lilah was biting her lip and blushing as she waited. Then she moved quickly but didn't forget to stop and get the book Eric had suggested. Tucking it away in her bag she made her escape quickly without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 _Six Months Later_

Eric was panicked and frantic but held it in under that mask he was perfecting in such a short time. He had to out of self preservation, out of the need for survival. He should be worrying about himself right now. Worrying about how he could mask the Dauntless tendencies he knew were ruling him but also that he always had and would always have Erudite ones too. That was dangerous for him even more so given who his damn Aunt was and what she expected of him. He should be worried about the early aptitude test he would be given in a few months.

He should be worried about all that but all he could think about was Lilah. It had been four days and he hadn't seen her. He wondered if he was just missing her or he was worried for nothing at first. So he had hacked into the school attendance system and she hadn't been seen for a total of four days as well. Four days she had been absent and she had never been gone so long. He had seen her brother and that made him all the more worried.

He didn't like her brother just because he thought him a coward for allowing their fuck of a father to lay hands on her. How could a brother, a twin brother, not want to die before he allowed that? That was a matter and subject for another day. He had followed him home for two days hoping to catch a sight of her. Maybe she was just ill and couldn't go to school but he might see her in a window.

He had no such luck so today he was going to try a different avenue; her friends. They were Erudite and shared lunch with him. He was just waiting for them to get there and he would talk to them whether they liked it or not.

When they finally made their way in and had taken seats he stalked his way over quickly and sat down. They looked at him startled. Savannah had instantly went tense and glared at him. "What do you want Coulter?"

She wasn't in any mood for any of his shit he might want to start. Lilah was missing and they were worried as hell about her.

Alicia put her hand on Savannah's and shook her head slightly. Lilah as their very best friend so they knew that she had some kind of attraction to Eric. They also knew that he seemed to for her as well. What Savannah didn't know but she did was that Eric had even helped them a few times when sneaking Lilah into Erudite. She only knew that because she had caught him trying to do it discreetly. She hadn't said anything to him and knew by his look to her he didn't want her to either.

She had also had a feeling why he was at their table right now. "We don't know where she is Eric. We are just as worried. She has never missed this long before." Alicia said quietly as she moved her hand from Savannah and tried to act casual as she moved items around on her tray.

"How long is normal?" Eric hid his clenched fists under the table and kept his face an emotionless mask with his eyes cold and dead looking.

"A day maybe two at most." Savannah whispered strained and looking down.

Eric nodded stiffly. "I will find out what is going on. What can I expect?"

He was really asking what he needed to prepare for and they all knew it. Alicia took a breath and looked at him. "Prepare for anything Eric. Who knows what that man has done to her."

Savannah wanted to growl at her saying it out loud but she knew it was of no use. He had already known and if he was going to use it against her he would have just after he found out.

Eric nodded one more time and then pushed away from the table to stalk away. He had plans to make and supplies to obtain. It would mean raiding his parents personal stash and maybe even going to see them at the hospital. The ever loyal and attentive son paying his respects to his parents for an impromptu dinner. He didn't care if it got him the shit that might be needed to save Lilah's life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It wasn't even dawn and he had been waiting for at least an hour. He knew that Abnegation leaders were always up at the ass end of dawn to start handing out food before heading to The Hub and start their business day. He just had to wait for the fuck that called himself a father and then the brother to leave before he could make his way in.

When he finally saw both leaving he made his way. He had scouted it out over his last few times he had been here and watched both the brother and father make their way in. He had also obtained some grey clothing. It wasn't exactly like the Abnegation but it was what he could get in a pinch and for his frame.

The door wasn't locked. They never were here he was told. He looked around the first floor to start with. It was pristine and cold. There was no life only misery here. He was quiet when he made his way up the stairs. He knew which door was hers by it being closed while the others were open and by the soft whimpers coming from within.

He was torn. Whimpering meant she was still alive. It also meant she could be close to death or in a state he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her in. Seeing her in it and handling not going and making the man that did it to her suffer in every way he knew possible for as long as he could possibly make him suffer before he ended him.

He took a breath and opened the door quietly. She was laying on her stomach on the bed. He could already tell from the redness that stuck to the thin nightgown on her that her beating was severe. His face contorted in anger and pain at seeing her this way. He moved quickly to her not even thinking she might panic at being touched or that she might even in her pain try and fight back.

She tried to fight back but while whimpering the whole time. His heart clenched and he pushed down the anger boiling in him. "Shush Lil's. It's just me. I promise I won't hurt you baby."

He soothed her as he held her hands from trying to flail and rip open the gashes across her back. The gashes weren't as bad as he thought. What was bad was the massive bruising up and down her ribs, thighs and legs that he could see through the painfully thin nightgown.

Lilah frowned and focused on the voice and touch of who was near her. "Eric?" She whispered in a hoarse voice. Broken by her pain and the screams of rage from when she had fought back. Fought back and left a few of her own marks this time.

"It's me baby." He took a deep breath and knelt beside the bed so she could see him now that he knew she wouldn't try and move.

"Eric." She sighed when he came into view. Then her eyes got wide and she gasped. "Eric you have to go. You can't be here...she knows. She watches me." She gets panicked and tries to move from the bed, sitting up and trying to usher him out.

Eric shook his head scowling. "I'm not going anywhere Lilah not until I at least get you taken care of." She wasn't stopping from getting up so he rose enough to sit on the bed beside her and put his arms around her gently.

"You don't understand, Eric. Jeanine is watching my father and us." She looked at him with wild eyes and saw it dawn on him. He closed his eyes and let out a hiss of air.

Of course she would. She would want to get any bit of dirt on Marcus that she could. "Leaving wouldn't help if she has already seen me." He opens his eyes and firmly holds hers. "I'm not leaving until I get you taken care of baby."

The endearment washes over her and she sighs heavily then leans into him. "There isn't anything you can do, Eric. Tobias cleans everything as much as he can and treats it. We don't have much medicine and his back is worse than mine. I just have more injuries that are internal. If they don't heal then….they never will I guess."

Eric files away the part about her brother as he scowls at her. "You aren't giving up on me. Do you really think I wouldn't come here expecting something like this if not worse." His voice breaks a little at that because he had expected the worst. He expected to find her either dead, dying or vanished. Which would mean that she was truly gone and her father had done away with her body.

"I don't want to give up Eric." Lilah said simply as he pulled her to him in a gentle hug.

"Good because you aren't done yet. Not for a very, very long time if I have anything to say about it." Eric cupped her cheek and kissed her forehead. "I brought medicine for you Lil's. Some of it I have to apply directly to the places it is needed. Then I have a few serums for you to drink. I promise they are all safe and I would n…."

Lilah pulls back and scoffs at him. "Eric, I trust you. Even before you did this I would have and did trust you."

Her words and conviction flood him with warmth and happiness and he can't help the smile that comes over his face. "Good. That's good." He clears his throat and looks at the bag by his feet. "Lilah, you are going to need to take off your nightgown and it would be better if we got you cleaned in the shower or something."

Lilah sighed and nodded. Tobias hadn't been able to do much for himself so he couldn't help her either. "Can you help me Eric?"

"Of course Lil's. I just want you to know I will only be helping you. You don't have to worry I will try something at all." Eric was blushing and avoiding looking at her.

She was blushing too but she took his hand. "I know Eric."

With a nod he took her in his arms and carried her to the bathroom that was attached to her room. He sat her on the toilet gently then moved to start the shower. She directed him to where she had another nightgown, where the towels were, her under things and then the washcloths.

He told her he had brought his own soap that was made for open wounds so he didn't need any of that. Something that told him that she must have had episodes where she was so hurt she could barely stand was a foldable shower chair. It was a walk in shower, small, but it would fit them both.

Decision made he set up the chair, made sure of the temperature and started to help her get undressed. He had her leave the underwear on for that moment and then he started to undress.

"What are you doing?" She asked not with fear but slight embarrassment in a tired voice. Just this much was taking her energy that she barely had to begin with.

"I can't clean you unless I am in there with you Lilah." His tone brooked no argument and he was relieved when she didn't seem to be about to give him any.

Without another word he lifted her gently again and put her in the chair then began working on her gently. He cleaned all of the gashes with the soap that would not only clean the wounds but would also numb the area slightly. It also had agents that worked to kill any infection that might be spreading. Some of them he had to reopen to be able to get to and he gritted his teeth with every muffled moan and sob she rarely allowed out.

As much as he was so very angry, beyond angry right now, he was also feeling so much pride in her. She fought when she could barely move. She refused to give up and she refused to give in to the screams of pain he knew had to be longing to tear through her. She was everything, even in his teenage years, that he could hope for finding in the girl of his dreams. She was made for him and he promised that he would find it in himself to see that they were together.

As he worked he talked to her to distract her but also to take this opportunity for her to get to know him. He told her about his studies or things he enjoyed. She asked questions here and there and he could tell his distraction was working by the small smile on her face. He could also tell the numbing agent was working. He didn't stop at just cleaning her back. He knew she had probably hadn't had a proper wash in days so he made sure to switch to the normal soap and gently cleaned the rest of her. He even went so far as to wash her hair for her.

She almost fell asleep on him at that part and had him chuckling a little. When he was done he got her wrapped in a towel and then allowed her to remove the old underwear. He dried himself off and shrugged at his own damp briefs. That didn't matter to him and he just pulled them off when she wasn't looking and shoved them into the bag he brought.

He dressed quickly and then carried her back to the bed.

"First you are going to drink these. Once you have that I will have you lay down and rub the gel into the open wounds. Then I am going to see about getting something in you. I didn't know what you had here so I brought some protein drinks and sandwiches. I hope that is ok."

Lilah nodded with heavy eyes. "It's perfect Eric. Thank you."

He smiled a little and kissed her head as he handed her the first vial of serum. She pulled a little face at the taste but otherwise she drank the first, second and third without complaint. When she was done he helped her to lay down. She was laid on her side with her back to him.

He probed a few of the wounds to make sure they weren't infected and they were properly numbed. When she just responded that she felt pressure he nodded and pulled out the syringe he would need.

He had been just going to rub in the gel but some of them were deep. He began to work quickly because the numbing wouldn't last long. When that was done he began to rub in some of the gel into the spots on her ribs, thighs and legs to help with the bruising. The serums would help with the internal injuries. It wouldn't make it all go away in the next day but it would heal much more quickly and allow her to breath properly as well as move around. He had planned on coming back but with his Aunt watching it might not be possible. The thought had him cursing her even more than he had been lately.

"Eric, what are you going to do if she saw you?" Lilah asks quietly. She was afraid for him. She didn't want to cause him trouble. Savannah and Alicia told her what was being said in Erudite about what was expected of him.

Jeanine would see this as a betrayal and it placed him in danger. Her father's drunken rants hinted at how much danger she could place Eric. Her father's rants also revealed how much danger she and her brother were really in.

"I will think of something baby. Don't worry about that right now. She is always disappointed in me these days anyways and I have a feeling it is going to get worse. Even before today it was going to get worse." He muttered a little bitterly.

He had finished and turned her back to face him. She was already looking better. With a smile to her he picked up the nightgown he had been waiting on to help her put on. She nodded with her own smile and let him once again pick her up so that she was sitting upright then dressed her patiently.

His hands were sure and gentle and she could see that his eyes were so focused that she knew he wasn't allowing himself to see her as a girl right now. She was an objective and he focused on a single task at a time. Her smile widened a little because she realized that was much the same way she could be.

When he was done getting her dressed he got them both settled onto the bed where she sat up to where he could hold her and she could eat. He started her out on just the protein drink and they talked as she sipped.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Eric asked finally after they had talked about simple things in each other's lives. As if they were getting to know each other but both feeling as if they already had known each other for much longer and deeper than they thought possible in the short amount of time they had together. Especially considering their complete polar opposite upbringings and the teachings of the factions they were born to.

Lilah sighed, looked to Eric and chewed on her lip in thought of what to tell him. "Jeanine told him what I had been doing. Sneaking into Erudite and that I was friends with two girls from Erudite. She told him some other things that I don't think had anything to do with Tobias or I but he would and can only focus on what we do wrong. Everything is always our fault but more so mine. I apparently offend him just by breathing the same air as he does. Regardless I was due for this. He would have found some excuse or another."

Eric took his hand in hers and fought back the murderous feelings he was having for both of the leaders. He would find some way to make them pay. "You don't plan on seeing your friends again."

It wasn't a question. He already knew the answer. She would fear for them and she should. Jeanine was going to find some way to make the two Erudite dependents pay for betraying their faction.

Lilah's eyes filled with tears and she nodded. "You know I have to do it. She is already going to find a way to hurt them but if we keep on she will make it worse. I can handle anything she does to me or what she can cause to happen to me. I can't handle what she might do to them…..or you Eric. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you because of me."

Eric cupped her cheek and stroked his thumb lightly over it. They held eyes for long minutes. Neither spoke for a while until Lilah blushed and looked at him through her lashes shyly. "Eric, will you kiss me?" Her tone was soft and unsure.

He smirked a little at her and brushed his nose against hers. "I think that was my line, Lilah. Me asking if it would be alright to kiss you."

Lilah grinned impishly and gave a small giggle. "Far be it from me to steal your thunder then. Ask away."

Eric gave a small laugh and then pulled away just enough to see her eyes and turned serious. "Lilah, may I kiss you?" His just deepening voice was soft and while it wasn't a plea it felt much more than just him asking for a simple kiss.

Lilah let out a little sigh with the words 'yes please' but he was already moving in. It started sweet and gentle as his hands went to the sides of her face in the barest of touches. They began with small presses of their lips to each other's. Testing the feel and fit until they both felt the hunger start to build and Eric tentatively used his tongue to beg for permission to her mouth.

They both gave innocent moans into each other's mouths when contact was made. It was long minutes that they spent just kissing and exploring. Somewhere in all of that he had moved them to be laying side by side on the bed, with him raised above her.

When he realized what position they were in and where his hands had started to wander to he blushed and went to pull away.

Lilah stopped him though and looked at him with newly awakened desire but also an unspoken question. She wanted him and had known from her talks with Alicia and Savannah that first times should be shared with someone you cared about. She knew she wouldn't be able to see him after today. It would be too dangerous for them both. She also knew she wanted him to be her first and they may never get a chance like right now.

"Eric, I have never…." she stopped and swallowed as she met his eyes and saw he knew where she was going with this "...but I want it to be you." She finished softly but firmly.

The darkening of his eyes and the flaring of his nostrils sent shivers through her. She saw his obvious desire for her but also his debate and worry. She frowned at his expression as he seemed to be looking her over.

Maybe she wasn't attractive enough? Maybe even though he seemed to care he didn't want to get involved with a stiff in that way?

"Stop Lilah." Eric commanded her as he gripped her chin in his hand. He had seen the emotions passing over her eyes and it killed him to see that. "I would love nothing more baby. I was just worried about hurting you more. That and…" now it was his turn to stop and blush "...I have never either Lilah. I want it to be you too but I also want something else."

She felt a rush of pleasure at the fact that he not only wanted her but they would be each other's firsts. She smiled at him and her forehead furrowed with wondering at what else he needed to ask. "Tell me."

Eric took a breath before he kissed her softly once and then pulled back to look at her again. "I know we might not have more than today. At least not until choosing, Lilah. But I want to be able to consider you mine and me yours. I want us to promise each other that no matter what, when the time comes we be together after our choosing. That is what I want. If we do this today I want us to be together once we choose."

Lilah's eyes filled with tears because she wished with all her might that was possible. "Eric, I can't go to Erudite. I won't stay here of course but I have always known where I would be going. I know your Aunt has plans….."

Eric stops her with a growl and kisses her fiercely before he pulls back a little and holds her eyes. "You have to know I can't stay there either, Lilah. I can't be what they want me to be. I have always known where I was going too and we both know that is the same place you are going. I want us to promise each other, that not only will we have the courage to make that choice, but that it will be together."

She was lost for words but she smiled with tears in her eyes as she nodded. "Together."

Eric let out a relieved breath as he smiled before he claimed her mouth again. This time they let the passion, slightly awkward and new, take over them. He was still gentle and hesitant but only when moving Lilah around. There was a part of his mind that was telling him that if he really cared about her he would stop and let her heal. That was being drowned out by the selfish and primal desire that he needed to take this and her now. He couldn't and wouldn't risk letting her find someone else if they should be separated until their choosing in two years. This would seal them to each other and there was nothing that could stop either of them at this point.

Yet despite that base instinct to join together that felt urgent and primal he was still gentle and loving in their first time. It was Lilah who had drove them to a faster pace when she saw how much he was restraining himself once her pain of a first time passed.

They were a match in every way. Responding to the slightest touch of each other's unspoken wishes or wants. Their bodies picked up on each desire and adjusted accordingly while they held eyes in looks of intensity and feeling.

When the end of it came they clung together as Eric laid gentle kiss not only over her face but over every bruise, scar and wound.

"Beautiful" He whispered over and over. Not just because it was true but because he needed her to know and remember that at their worst they are at their most beautiful for each other. Because that is the real them. There would be no walls or hiding those parts of themselves from the other.

He let her see all of him. All that he hid even from himself sometimes. She did the same and they knew there was no other option but to be together in them end. There would never be anyone else in the world that could accept them for everything they were and everything they would never be.

They would never be truly good. Their pasts and the way they were raised almost prohibited it. They would never be fully bad either. For those same reasons they had an ingrained sense of justice. Even if that justice isn't what their society would deem correct or even remotely acceptable.

While Eric had no family he felt truly protective over and loved as Lilah loved Tobias he also had a deep desire for that. A desire for one of his own and with her. They also believed deeply that when they made it to their new home that they would look upon those of their faction as family. They might not love them as fiercely but they both knew they would protect them just as much.

All of this and more was shared without ever having to speak a word. Eric held her for as long as he could and they dared to. He got her to eat a bit more and then he went about erasing his presence from the home while making sure she was cleaned and mending.

It killed him leaving her. He wanted so badly to just scoop her up and say fuck it to the city and everyone in it then run away with her. He couldn't shake the feeling that something bad, really bad, was on the horizon.

He could almost guarantee it with his Aunt if she did see him coming and going. Neither could have predicted what did happen in the end.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 _Four Months Later_

It had been four months since he had left Lilah at her home. He had been sure he would see her again within the next week back at school and in the hallways. It had taken two weeks for her to reappear. She had barely looked at him and he tried not to look at her too much.

Jeanine had found out of course and approached him about it. He had to come up with something and he said the only thing that he could think of. That he had known it was important to her to get information on Marcus and had set out to try and obtain it. He had found out that Marcus had a daughter in his year so befriended and seduced her.

He hated himself as he was speaking the words but he hated her more when she got a smug and evil look. She had been pleased with him and it seemed that it restored her faith in him. He was now allowed at more and more meetings where it was becoming clearer what his Aunt's intentions were.

She would start a bid to hunt for divergents for testing. He both blessed and cursed the lie that made it possible for him to attend these sessions. In them he found out what they looked for to spot divergents. This was a blessing because his Aunt had just given him the information to be able to hide his own divergence. It was a curse because he knew that Jeanine had already let the information of his relations with Lilah slip to Marcus.

He had the first inkling of it when a frantic Alicia approached him in the hallways. The two girls were more civil to him now. After he had made sure she was ok and helped Lilah he had also given her his word he would tell her friends what she was going to have to do.

When he passed along the message he could see her friends distress. They had a deep and obvious bond. So much that he had seen the girls share a look before Savannah had proclaimed they would never give up on her. They would wait until choosing and then no one could stop their friendship.

He knew that they watched out for her much like he did and had done before that day at her house. Eyes connecting in the corridors or classrooms and sharing messages that could not be spoken verbally.

They watched like a hawk for when she returned or when she went missing again. It started to happen more and more over the next few months. When Alicia had come at him two months after he and Lilah had spent that day together, eyes wild and frantic, his heart had dropped.

He thought quickly and pulled her to an unused room to talk.

"What happened?" Eric demanded of her instantly.

She shook her head. "I don't know. She is absent again but Tobias...he came up to me. I didn't know he even knew about me but he does. He demanded to know who you were and what you looked like Eric. Somehow he knows about you too and I think it means that Marcus does. If he does Eric it is going to be bad. Marcus already calls her a whore and says she is only good on her back. He says such horrible things and hints at things…."

Eric had growled and started to punch the wall in his anger. It took several minutes for him to calm himself and he ran a battered and bloody hand through his hair in frustration. He couldn't even go after her or check on her.

Ever since he was given the early aptitude test his aunt subjected him to he had been on her shit list. He had made sure it came back Dauntless and to say she was less then pleased was an understatement. He was walking a dangerous line as it was and if he went after Lilah it would show his true hand. That would kill Lilah as sure as it would kill him.

His forehead was furrowed in thought and he met Alicia's eyes. "How far are you willing to go to help her Alicia? You and Savannah." His voice was quiet and deadly, letting her know the seriousness of this.

"Do you have to even ask? The same as you if not more Coulter." The tiny girl scowled at him as she gritted that out, her fists clenched to her sides. She might not be Dauntless in body or ability but she had enough of it to want to stand up for her sisters.

Eric nodded approvingly. "I can get stuff together again like I did before. I can't go but if you can get any kind of grey clothes I can tell you how to get there and into her house."

She didn't hesitate before she was already agreeing. She felt the need for urgency so they made plans quickly. Before the end of that night the three had met in the Erudite compound and finalized plans for the next morning when the girls would go.

It turned out that she wasn't hurt as badly as last time but it had been pretty bad. Marcus wasn't allowing her out of the house and it took another week before she returned to school. He wanted to be relieved and happy to see her but when they held eyes every once in awhile all he saw was pain behind them. Something was happening or had happened in that home and it was slowly draining his Lilah of the fire and life from her. She looked haunted and sickly.

Two more months of watching her fluctuate between looking like she was dying to looking more beautiful then he had ever seen her. She still had that haunted look to her but she was very good at not letting him meet her eyes anymore. He knew she was trying to spare him from whatever pain she was going through. All Eric could wonder was if she was even going to survive to make it to their choosing. The thought and her pain was killing him just as much as he saw it was her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jeanine was having breakfast with his family on this morning. School had been out and his mood was considerably sour. School was the only time he could even get glimpses of Lilah. Not to mention that Jeanine had began to discuss plans she had for him once he went to Dauntless. She had decided that his leaving was a blessing and a means to gain total control over the 'threat to their city'. He wasn't aware of what she wanted of him but he was told to put all his focus into training for his eventual transfer.

It felt good to not have to hide his activities in that area but that was all he was feeling good about these days. His attitude, demeanor and reputation all continued to take a downhill spiral. He was truly becoming what they had all been saying of him to begin with.

Jeanine breezed in looking the cat that ate the cream and it was frightening how pleased she looked. When she was seated she began launching into the story of why this was.

"Marcus Eaton is dead. Apparently there was a fire in his house that they believe was caused by him being drunk and smoking of all things. There wasn't much left of the house." Jeanine said smugly as she sipped some coffee.

Eric was frozen and trying not to let his horror and pain show. Jeanine cast eyes to him briefly, gauging for his reaction but only saw cold indifference. His father spoke up with an amused expression. "That is...unfortunate. I believe he had children did he not? Were they involved?"

That was the question Eric dreaded and desperately needed to be answered all at the same time. Jeanine sighed as if she regretted her next words. "They seemed to have been absent from the household at the time. The son was at the volunteer center and accounted for but the daughter has been unwilling or unable to say where she was at the time. Just that she was out of the house at the time it happened after she realized he would be drinking."

Eric's blood went cold but at the same time he felt a feral delight. It was her….he knew it. The bastard had done something and made her fight back to the point where it came down to her or him. It was her and they were going to find out unless she could have something to back her up. Someone to back her up that could get away with lying under the truth serum and questioning they would put them under.

She needed him. Eric had never thanked the gods for something as much as he was thanking them for cursing him with his divergence at this point.

He had to bide his time though. He couldn't push away from the table and run to Candor right that minute. He had joined in the talks and gave the impression that he was pleased about these events. He had to make her think he didn't care until he could get away and present himself as an alibi.

He didn't care that after his cover would be blown as long as she was safe. It took centuries for that fucking breakfast to end.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eric walked into the appointed day for the questioning in regards to the death of Marcus Eaton. It had been three days since he had first walked into Candor and advised the council that he was stepping forward to account for Delilah Eaton's whereabouts on that night.

They had been meeting secretly and become lovers. It was truthful enough and even corroborated by eyewitnesses that had originally passed along information to Jeanine of him visiting the Eaton house.

As expected Jeanine had been furious with him and his parent's had been threatening him to take it back. There was no going back because he had already entered in his sworn statement that same day.

In the lobby of Candor, Eric got his first look at Lilah in what seemed like months but was really only a few weeks. She was with another Abnegation family. One that he recognized the father as being Andrew Prior, another leader of Abnegation and now Senior Leader after the death of Marcus. She looked weak and frail but still so heartbreakingly beautiful to him. She was a magnet and he was being pulled to her.

He approached them against his better judgment and was softly calling her name. "Lilah."

She spun quickly to face him and his heart flooded with warmth at the look in her eyes when she saw him. Despite the circumstances she was looking better than he had ever seen her. She was also showing how happy she was to see him. He could see that love for him in her eyes. His heart almost stopped at it.

"Eric" Lilah breathed and moved forward towards him. She ignored the pointed look of disapproval from Andrew Prior but couldn't miss the look of understanding from Natalie. Tobias was lurking in the background with a deep scowl on his face. It was all directed at Eric but neither of them cared.

He wanted to reach out and pull her to him but he couldn't. So he tried to tell her it would alright with his eyes. Lilah couldn't stand to not be closer so she moved forward more and spoke lowly. "You can't do this Eric. They are going to find out that you…"

Fuck it! Eric yelled in his head and cupped her cheek. He leaned down so he could speak right in her ear. He had time to say one word and hoped she not only understood but that he wasn't making a mistake in telling her. "Divergent."

He felt her body go rigid and he pulled back to hold her eyes again. Once more willing her to understand that it would be ok, he would be ok.

"You too." Was what she got out before a throat cleared and he had to step back.

Andrew Prior had moved to separate the two. They shouldn't be speaking when the investigation had not been closed. "I apologize Mr. Coulter but it is improper for the two of you to be speaking." At this time or any other time, he thought inwardly.

Eric's face went hard and his body rigid as his eyes moved to the Abnegation Leader. He gave a stiff nod of his head before he looked one more time at Lilah. She would be safe and they would be together. That was what he let run through his head to give him the strength to walk away from her once again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was divergent like her and Tobias. Part of her was so fucking happy about this because it meant she wouldn't have to keep that part of herself from him. She wouldn't have to worry about hiding it from the one person she wanted to tell more than anyone. The larger part though was even more afraid for him. She had fought with Andrew about allowing him to be her character witness and alibi. She had refused to testify and refused to acknowledge his claim. He had already given his sworn statement and if she denied it he could be in even more trouble. She was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.

Him coming forward put him at even greater fucking risk with his family and Erudite but if she tried to help by denying his claim he would be punished by the justice system. She sat listening to the opening of the session, her mind whirling as she tried to think of way to protect him without hurting him legally.

Jeanine was near him and she could feel her loathing from all the way in her place at the other side of the room. Jeanine who had made sure to tell Marcus about her being with Eric. What were the words she had told Marcus that Eric had said? That he had known it would please her to be able to show the world that she was truly trash and a whore.

She had known of course that Eric had to say something. He had been caught after all. It made sense for him to use that as a way to get back in her good graces again. It must have worked but would it work again?

She could confirm that. Use what he had already said and use it as the reason he was with her in the first place. She fucking hoped he could see what she was doing. If not, if it hurt him and drove him from her, maybe that was for the better. She was nothing but trouble for him and it would only get worse. He was better off without her.

"Delilah Eaton. Please tell us about the events that occurred on the afternoon and evening of the death of Marcus Eaton, your father." Jack Kang started the questioning after she had been administered the truth serum.

Lilah took a deep breath and nodded. She and Tobias had talked about how much she would say in regards to all that went on in the house. Unless they asked about the abuse she wouldn't mention it. Or at least not the true extent of it.

"That morning Marcus went about his routine while my brother and I started the day and went to Volunteer services. Around noon Marcus came to the center and pulled me from my services but left Tobias there. I was taken home then made to start cleaning and other chores he felt I was better served doing instead. He was in a bad temper about something at work."

Jack nodded and interrupted after a hand was raised from the investigation panel. "You called your father Marcus. Was there a reason for this?"

Lilah shrugged and her forehead scrunched up. "We have always called him Marcus by his request from as early as I can remember. Even in public it was common knowledge that we used his given name not his relation to us. He taught us that we should separate ourselves from attachments so that we could be truly successful in being able to be selfless." Lilah finished simply.

"And what about his temperament. Was his demeanor and actions something that occurred regularly?"

Lilah hesitated a moment and got a simple nod from both Tobias and Andrew. "Yes it was a regular occurrence. He was often stressed about work and when he was his actions from that day happened often."

"Go ahead and continue with what exactly happened Delilah." Jack cut off further questioning until they could get more details.

"I continued cleaning the house. He wanted it spotless from top to bottom. I only took breaks to prepare him something to eat but otherwise he engaged in drinking the entire time. Soon after dinner I realized he was barely aware of much anymore. Tobias was still volunteering and I had an opportunity to sneak away. I did so and left Marcus in the living room on his way to passing out. He did that often. He would drink until he would just pass out."

"And when you snuck away did you have arrangements to meet anyone or a destination in mind?" Jack said as he scrolled over the sworn testimony of Eric Coulter.

Lilah looked to Eric and paused for long minutes. She hated doing this and tears filled her eyes. Eric's own filled with confusion and he shook his head. He thought she was going to deny it and was trying to tell her not to.

"It will only get more painful if you fight it." Jack Kang quietly informed her with a worried look. Thinking she was avoiding answering and fighting the serum when really she was fighting herself.

Taking a breath she looked away from Eric and looked to Jeanine. She prayed this was enough to appease the bitch and that Eric followed her story.

"I did." She answered quietly then was asked to repeat her answer. "I did have arrangements to meet someone."

"I see. And who was the person you were to meet?"

"Eric Coulter."

"Eric is from Erudite isn't that correct?"

"Yes, he is in the same year as myself and my brother."

"What is your relationship to ?"

Tears spilled from her eyes and she paused trying to swallow enough to answer. "We were lovers."

There were scandalized murmurs from all corners of the room.

"That day you meet him to engage in sexual activities." Jack stated, not questioned.

"We did. We met as we had done a few times secretly. I thought he….I thought he…" Lilah faltered and didn't know if she could go through with the act.

She didn't know that this was all helping her. Jack took on a sympathetic look and his forehead furrowed. "Miss. Eaton are you and Eric Coulter still lovers?"

A bubble of hysterical laughter escaped her and she covered her mouth shaking her head. She was trying to regain control and breath. She needed to do this for him no matter how much it was killing her. "No." She finally got out in a strangled whisper. "No it was all lies. He lied to me. He never wanted me like he said he did. He was just using me and that night he laughed at me after."

Eric's fists were clenched but he kept a tight reign on his mask. He could feel his aunts interest at this turn of events but all he could feel was hurt and betrayal. Why was she doing this? He would never lie to her. He thought she understood he hadn't meant those things he had to say to Jeanine after he had been found out.

He wanted to stand and shout at her, calling her out for lying like this. He remained silent though and just listened as his heart started to feel colder and colder.

"Could you please explain that a little more Miss. Eaton?"

Lilah's eyes snapped to Leader Kangs and her eyes turned to fire. "What is there to explain? I was a conquest to him. The stiff daughter of a leader that he made it a game of to seduce with lies and then screw. Once he had what he wanted he threw it in my face and left me there crying and alone. Is that enough of an explanation for you?"

There were more gasps at her language but Jack Kang sighed and shook his head. He looked to the other investigators and saw they were satisfied with that part of her testimony.

"Please tell us what happened after you made your way home afterwards." He motioned for her to continue in a soft and sympathetic tone. The rivalry between Erudite and Abnegation had always sickened him. It was sad things had come to this.

They bought it. Lilah wanted to sigh in relief but she couldn't. She needed to know that Jeanine bought it more than anything. That meant looking in his direction but she chanced it. One look at how Jeanine was looking at her, smug and barely repressing her pleasure and she knew it was working. It would all be up to Eric now.

Sighing she continued her story. "I laid there crying for I don't know how long. I must have drifted to sleep but when I woke I made my way home. It was chaos and I rushed to try to get past the crews that were working on the blaze. They wouldn't let me pass but The Prior's found me and led me to where my brother was. It wasn't until later they even told either of us that Marcus had still been inside."

"Do you know what might have started the fire?" Jack asked his final part in his questioning of the young woman.

"Often when Marcus would drink he would smoke. Sometimes cigars and sometimes cigarettes. It didn't happen often but there were times when he would fall asleep or pass out when one was still lit and in his hands. We almost always were able to catch it if we were there but I do know of a few occasions where we weren't and it fell upon someone near to come in. Our couch had a few severe burns on it from these incidents." Lilah said truthfully. Inside she was thankful that this was already established fact and could be testified too. It made things so much fucking easier for her.

"One more question for you Miss. Eaton. Did you kill or did you witness the death of your father." Jack Kang asked gravely.

Lilah shook her head. "I did not kill my father and I was not present when he died." Her voice choked as if in sorrow and the tears had never really stopped. They weren't for her father that was for sure. They were for Eric who was still looking at her with confused and cold eyes.

"Thank you for your honesty." Jack finished and motioned for Lilah to be taken back to her seat.

Neither Eric or Lilah paid much attention to the next witnesses. Eric was too focused on Lilah to notice that the elder Priors were lending credibility to her claims that they had known Marcus was a drinker and that there were a few times when they had to come in and put out small fires that had started by the cigars he fell asleep with.

He could only focus on her and still feel hurt until he noticed where all _her_ focus was currently. On Jeanine. She was watching Jeanine closely and then it hit him. She had said all of that shit, done all of that shit, because she was trying to help him. She was willing to go to these lengths, to allow herself to be humiliated and called things that even the thought of had him seeing red, all to protect him. All because of his fucking family.

He didn't even wonder about her being divergent. He had already had his suspicions from their long talk that afternoon they shared. It was how he knew his coming forward would work. They had needed two people that could lie under truth serum to pull it off. She was so much like him in so many respects that it wasn't hard to see. He also had a feeling she was much more divergent than he was. Her actions today alone said she did have some Abnegation to her along with her Dauntless and Erudite.

He shoved the thought that he might as well aside. He would rather not even go there in his thoughts. He was becoming too angry to focus on much else besides the burning hate that was building in his heart and soul.

Jeanine. One day he would make her pay. He would make them all pay for what they were doing to Lilah and him. For keeping them apart and in fear.

He hated when he had to take the stand because he knew what he was going to have to do. He would follow Lilah's lead but he would always know where the real blame went for this. One person was dead and he hoped to hell Lilah had made it a slow painful fucking death before the fire that took his body and any evidence of it with it.

"Eric Coulter. We have already heard testimony that you and Miss. Eaton were lovers. You also provided a sworn statement to this effect. Can you please confirm before this session the truth of this?" Jack started the questioning after he injected Eric with the truth serum.

"We were and I did provide the statement." Eric said coldly and showed no emotion what so ever.

"Is it also true that you were with Delilah on the night in question?"

"I was with her that night."

"Did you also end things that night with her?"

"There was nothing really to end but yes I told her we wouldn't be seeing each other again." He caught a glance at the flash of amusement and pleasure from his Aunt and his fists clenched ever so slightly before he remembered himself.

"I see. I am curious Mr. Coulter. If the relationship did not mean anything to you as Miss. Eaton suggested and you just have as well; why then did you come forward to provide her an alibi?"

Eric jaw and fists clenched as he fought himself. Every part of him that felt so much for Lilah was locking down and forbidding him from uttering the lie that was needed. His eyes cast to her and he saw her tears but also the ghost of the smile and small nod. She was telling him it was ok and she knows.

"It will only hurt more if you fight it." Jack Kang said sternly, not liking the cold and cruel young man before him one bit.

The Candor leader had no fucking clue how right his words were. It was tearing him up inside to have to say this shit when he just wanted to rip his Aunt to shreds and tell them all to go fuck themselves.

"Mr. Coulter. Answer the question."

"Because I wanted to humiliate her." He snapped out coldly and let his eyes whip up to the Candor leaders. "I wanted to see her even more humiliated and show the whole city what the do gooders were really about. That she and her family are nothing but trash and she is nothing more than a whore. To show the city that the great leader and his family were nothing but lies and fakes." The rage he felt at himself for even fucking uttering those words was beyond measure.

The rage he felt at this whole damn faction system was beyond measure. But the loathing and rage he felt for Jeanine Matthews that was looking at him with such fucking pride and pleasure was of such epic proportions it felt like his blood was on fire from it.

Jack clenched his jaw as he looked to the group of investigators. He saw several looks of disgust mirrored in their faces but none had any more questions for the young Erudite.

"Thank you for your honesty." Jack gritted out and motioned for him to take his seat.

Eric rose and forced himself to walk by Lilah without looking at her. His fingernails were cutting deeply into the palms of his hands. They cut even more when he sat beside Jeanine again.

She looked at her nephew appraisingly and nodded in approval. "Well done Eric. Perhaps you can be of use to me again." She uttered smoothly and low enough for only for him to hear.

Eric breathed in before he nodded then spoke. "I am glad I could prove myself to you. I wanted to help our cause and felt this was the best way."

They didn't speak more on the matter for the rest of the trial or the rest of the day. In end it was ruled that Marcus Eaton's death had been an accident. Lilah was cleared of anything and her records would be wiped clean of any mention of suspicion.

He had hoped to be able to sneak off and maybe speak to her before she left. It wasn't to be as Jeanine and several other Erudite pulled him in one direction, though not literally, while Lilah was whisked off by The Priors and what looked to be two Dauntless leaders.

He frowned in concern at that last bit but couldn't do more than that as he was being congratulated. He would find a way to see or speak to her again. To at least let her know he still felt the same and was counting down the days until they could be together again.

He wouldn't get that chance. Not for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Tobias and Delilah, I would like to introduce you to two of Dauntless' leaders." Andrew Prior motioned to the two men sitting across from them on the chairs of the room that Candor had provided for this meeting,

The twins had been told that they would be finding out what was to happen to them after everything had been settled with regards to the investigation. They had thought that they would be placed in another Abnegation home. Possibly even with the Priors. Tobias had seemed to like that idea and Lilah wouldn't complain. She owed Natalie more than she could say and Beatrice was actually not bad. She definitely saw signs of herself in the younger girl. She didn't care for Caleb but he stuck to himself a lot.

All in all she had been okay with the thought of staying with them until it was time to transfer even though she was extremely worried about certain things. Natalie had assured her that they would be ok. She was looking at Lilah now encouragingly as if to say, this is what I meant.

Andrew continued on as he motioned to the first of the leaders. He was a thirty something year old man with beautiful chocolate skin, his close cropped black hair with speckles of grey in it. His beautiful brown eyes were not cold but stern. Lilah noticed crinkles at the corners of his eyes though that suggested he liked to laugh enough the years had etched that into his face. Both wore their leadership tattoos on their necks but his looked different than the other man's.

"This is Senior Leader Max Cornell. Beside him is Leader Harrison Johnson."

Something struck a chord in looking over to the other leader. Between his name, his features and the way he was looking at her and Tobias, she gasped and a sad smile come over his features.

"Was it the name?" He asked Lilah in a voice that was full of gravel and warmth.

Lilah shook her head. "The name, your features and then how you were looking between Tobias and I."

Harrison smiled and took in his niece and nodded. "I didn't see your mother often after we both transferred. The couple of times it was allowed after you two were old enough to be in school she couldn't stop going on about how bright you are. She was sure you would be for Erudite. I couldn't visit any of you as I would have liked. Marcus and I had history and it caused more issues when I tried. I am sorry I couldn't do more."

His voice turned sad at this and Tobias and Lilah exchanged looks. It was Tobias that spoke though. "We appreciate that sir but there wasn't anything anyone could do. I hadn't known that there were people that had tried until after he was gone and the Prior's let us know they had been trying for years to help in anyway they could. I am just sorry to hear how corrupt he really was."

Lilah reached out for her brothers hand and squeezed. Tobias was not handling any of this well really. He ranged from guilt at not being there for his sister more to anger at her for not trying harder to fit in. He never said these things but she knew him and knew his moods. When he found out how badly Marcus had abused his power they shouldn't have been surprised but they were. It made it even harder for Tobias.

Now with this new scandal she wondered how he would handle it.

"Yes well, he is gone and things can move forward." Andrew said calmly and without a bit of remorse for the death of Marcus. He would have to pray later for guidance on that particular matter but he just couldn't regret the death of such a monster.

"In that vein though your uncle would like to start the process of bringing you to live with him. You would be adopted into the Dauntless faction and become it's dependents. You would live there until the time of your choosing." Natalie said this all but was holding Lilah's eyes meaningfully.

Lilah felt hope in her heart. Being a dependent of Dauntless meant that…..when she chose she wouldn't…..

Natalie nodded and Lilah couldn't help it...she broke down crying. Natalie was instantly by her side and Tobias and her both had their arms around her. When she calmed down finally she looked to Natalie and swallowed around her nervousness. "Do they know Natalie?"

Natalie smiled and smoothed the hair of the distraught young woman. "They do. But you can talk to them yourself about it to reassure any fears you might have."

Nodding she turned to look at her uncle, looking to see if she saw disgust or anything of that nature. She only saw both men with kind smiles and nodding. "I can keep the baby if I am in Dauntless and then choose to stay there, right?"

Harrison cleared his throat in emotion and nodded. "Yes, you will be able to have and raise the child in Dauntless. During the time of initiation you will have to be separate but it can be arranged that after training is dismissed for the day you can be with him or her until you have to report back to the dorms, possibly even staying for the off days. Of course he or she will always be welcome in our home. Angel, my wife and your Aunt, is already looking forward to having you both. She would be willing to take of the care of the baby until you finished training."

Lilah starts to cry again, nodding and Tobias tightens his hold on her. He looks at the two and then frowns "What about school for her? She can't go back after all of this, not for a while and then when she can she will be showing."

Max sighed and frowned. "There is a little known law and allowance that will help with that. We can get her a home school set up where she would be taught by a teacher at home but also virtually. It will just require getting her outfitted with all the equipment and she will be set. That will continue until it is time for her choosing. While we know that she will have help with caring for the child we are going to set it up so that she continue homeschooling until it is time for the ceremony."

It was more than she could ever have hoped for. She had been dying inside with the thought of having to leave her baby behind in Abnegation. It had been slowly killing her. That along with knowing she couldn't tell Eric. Just like she would die to protect him, she would die and kill to protect her baby. Jeanine could never know about the child. She just knew she would pull something to get her hands on him or it would make things bad for Eric all over again.

That meant that for the time being she couldn't tell Eric either and that had been killing her just as surely as the thought of not being able to keep their child.

She couldn't speak more after those revelations. The twins were informed that the meeting was being held in Candor because as they were speaking everything was being processed. It was unspoken that all the adults knew about the abuse but they were respecting the wishes of the children for that not to be drug out into the open. This didn't sit too well with Max and Harrison only in that they felt the two deserved some kind of justice.

Working with Andrew and Jack, they had been able to expedite things and arrange for the health care of Lilah. They also included Tobias and the hope was that with the healthcare whatever damage that was caused by years of abuse could be resolved or helped. Max had also suggested heavily that the two be given the same amount of dependent care funds as any other orphan regardless of circumstances. There wasn't much else they could do but they all felt good about what they had been able to.

By the end of the day Delilah and Tobias Eaton had been formally made dependents of Dauntless. They were put under their Aunt and Uncle's care and allowed to change their name if they so wished to his last name. They had both jumped at the chance.

They were now Tobi and Lilah Johnson of Dauntless. They both said goodbyes to the Priors with promises from Natalie to check on on them both but Lilah more specifically as the pregnancy continued. Because they had been unsure of if the two would be able to handle the train, Max had arranged transportation to the compound but promised that since school was out for another month they would get at least Tobias up to speed on how to get on and off the train.

 _Two Months After Investigation_

The two months that had passed since the death of Marcus Eaton and the twins going to Dauntless had seen both of them changing. Some of it was good and some of it was not so great.

They both became healthier now that they weren't living with the stress of beatings, mistreatment and days without food as punishment. Between the medical care that was provided to help with old injuries, the right diet and free access to the gyms Tobi had been the one that changed the most. He was still tall and had a lankier frame but he was becoming more broad and filling out more. He stopped wearing his hair in exactly the Abnegation style but still kept it short. He just allowed the curls that both the twins had to come through.

As far as attitude and adjusting to the changes and everything that had happened there was good and bad. He found friends among the Dauntless born and even a few Dauntless members. He wasn't as reclusive because he wasn't being forced to be so. He found he loved activity and was often in the gyms training with his friends Zeke and Hector along with someone that fast became a mentor, Amar. Amar was a senior member and instructor during training time. Max and Harrison had introduced him to both Tobi and Lilah when they arrived so that he could start to get them up to speed training wise.

They would be with the Dauntless born during training and the two leaders wanted to make sure they had every advantage they could get them. Tobi and Lilah both surprised Amar, Max and Harrison with the resiliency but that wasn't the big surprise considering their shared past. It was the ability they both had to learn quickly, adapt and the skills they already had.

Lilah had been the one that had trained the most but she had forced Tobi to learn as well. There had been no way she was staying in Abnegation and no way she would allow him to either. They had been learning what they could and training for over two years. While neither had been very strong and the muscle build was more scrappy, they had both been fast. So Lilah and Savannah had found ways of fighting to accommodate that.

They were both excellent martial artists and Amar choose to expand on that for both of them but also build up the strength that Tobi could now gain.

The bad for Tobi came in his mood swings. He had bouts of anger that drove him to snap and fight where before he would have let things go. When school started back up he was often coming home battered and bruised because he got into fight with one person or another. He never said but Lilah suspected it was because of the scandal of everything that had happened. He would also never say who it was that he was getting into fights with.

Tobi fought himself constantly on his own feelings. He had so many conflicting ones and he never knew which ones were going to win. Harrison had forced him to start going to talk to someone after the third time he was called to the school and he found it helped to talk. He had hated the thought of it in the beginning but he knew something needed to happen. He felt too much like his father when he lost control of his anger and he couldn't live with that.

He had such anger at Lilah for what happened. He knew it was wrong to feel that way and that she had always taken more of the beatings than he ever had. He also knew that while she always tried to purposely do things to draw their father's anger she would have had it regardless. He tolerated Tobi but he hated Lilah with ever fiber of his being. All Marcus saw when he looked at Lilah was their mother. He never understood what she did to make Marcus hate her so much well before the abuse started and he may never know now that she was gone. At times he thought Lilah knew when she got quiet or a certain look when he brought her up.

He was also feeling such anger and hatred for Eric. Logically he knew that without Eric stepping forward and helping Lilah the way he did he would have lost her too. They wouldn't have believed her without someone to back her up and provide her an alibi. He also logically knew that asshole had put himself in danger by coming forward too. All of this didn't stop his hatred and anger at the Erudite that he saw as the root of all their problems.

If Eric hadn't inserted himself in Lilah's life then none of this would ever have happened. Jeanine wouldn't have had even more ammunition to taunt Marcus with and drive him so over the edge that he lost what little humanity he played at having at home. The torture that he subjected Lilah to and Tobi had been forced to watch time after time haunted him to this day. He had begun to fight back but once he was beat down he was then physically forced to watch those horrible things. He hated Eric even more when he had to watch Lilah fight for both her life and the life of her unborn baby once Marcus figured things out.

He hated himself for all of those things and more, real and imagined. It didn't matter for what, he just hated himself and the guilt weighed on him. He also hated that he constantly sought Eric out at school as an outlet for that anger.

It had started to build quickly when he saw Eric walking the hallways, cold and cruel looking. The other Erudite looked on him in both fear and almost like he was some kind of god for bringing down the reputation of the once great Abnegation leader. Not many really realized who Tobi was but those that did taunted him occasionally.

The first few times that he had gone after Eric, the dick refused to fight him. Somewhere in his mind Tobi knew that was because Eric really did care for and maybe even love Lilah and he didn't want to hurt the brother of the girl he loved. That just seemed to enrage him even more when he remembered the questioning and Eric's words, calling her a whore. It made him even more enraged when he saw girls of all different factions almost throwing themselves at his feet. He didn't care that he never once saw Eric do anything other than sneer or glare at them in return. All he saw was his sister sitting at home, alone and pregnant. All he saw was her crying, curled up in bed in the middle of the night because she was so damn sad over the loss of the asshole.

The only thing that made it better was to get back at him. But that lasted only for the time they were fighting. It was this last fight that had prompted Harrison to finally force him to talk to someone about everything. The last fight they had they almost tried to kill each other, literally.

The day had already started out badly for Tobi. Lilah had been taken to Erudite medical when she had a huge spike in blood pressure and started to develop horrible headaches. Not to mention she was having what was called false labor pains. She was only six months along and it was way too early for the baby. The doctors all mentioned her age of 16, almost 17 and her frame might be the issue. He had caught terms like terminating the pregnancy or that she might not survive the birth. He was scared shitless he would loose his sister and it was tearing him apart. He had refused to leave her side, he didn't want her alone but more importantly he was afraid if he left something would happen. Aunt Angel and Natalie had both insisted it would do her good and him good if he was able to get away.

He was already stressed and pissed then having to see and listen to Eric in the few classes they shared had just elevated that to volcanic levels. Zeke and Shauna had been helping him to keep it together for the most part. Zeke was planning on somehow snagging some cake and getting it to the hospital for Lilah. Shauna planned on convincing her mom to let her take her pedicure and manicure kit from the salon so that she could give Lilah a pamper session. They kept reminding him that she had looked so much better when they had went to see her that morning and the doctors were confident that she would be able to go home in the next day or two.

He didn't really know what ended up setting him off. It might have been seeing Eric talking to one of Lilah's old friends and the reminder of what she had lost because of him enraged him so much that he didn't even remember following him out of the school when it was dismissed and then launching himself at him.

The fight started out the same….with Eric trying to hold him off but not really damage him. That all changed when Tobi lost it and started to spout words of hate and trying to wound him in the worst ways possible.

"I'm sorry Eric. I know this is hard...it is hard for us too. We can't get to her and we don't know when she will be back to school. We had thought that at the very least she would come back after missing the first month. Tobias won't talk to us and the Prior kids say they don't know much other than she is being home schooled and they don't even know if there are plans for her to come back." Alicia and Eric were speaking at the end of the day.

Once again he had spent the day waiting and watching. It was a wonder he was doing well in any classes he was so caught up in worrying and wondering about Lilah. He had hoped to be able to try and make things right when they started school again. He wouldn't have been able to be together like he wanted them to be but he would take just being able to see each other again. To have those moments where they shared looks that seemed to communicate better than any words ever could.

Two months of hoping for that while all the while still fighting the cold rage he felt at a growing list of people and things because of everything that had happened to her and them. Then there was her fucking brother.

There was seriously something wrong that asshole. Every time he turned around he was coming at him for some imagined slight or another. He was trying so fucking hard to not do what everything in him was telling him to do, put the shithead six feet under. Every time he started in on him he held the image of Lilah in his head and tried to just get the punk to stop. It didn't work, he wouldn't stop and Eric would finally snap and start to fight back.

Then there was Jeanine and her constant watch on him. Pushing his training in not only physical aspects but other much less pleasant skills. What upset him the most was that he enjoyed the things he was being forced to learn. He would spend time imagining being able to use those skills that were being forced down his throat on the very people that were providing them to him.

He was floundering and he just needed at least some word on how Lilah was. So he had sought out one of her friends, hoping that they might have some clue as to how she was.

Hearing Alicia's words didn't help his temper or heart in the least. "Just, if you hear anything at all, even if it is that she is fine and doesn't want to talk to me or hear from me. I just need to know she is ok."

Alicia nodded sadly to him and then he left as quickly as he could. He was lost in thought and didn't even see or hear the asshole once again coming after him until he was hit from behind. They went ground in a tangle of limbs and Eric trying to hold him off.

"What the fuck is your problem this time?" Eric shouted out as he went to put Tobias in a hold to try and stop the shithead.

Tobias was snarling and raging as he broke through the hold then the two were rolling around the ground. Eric was still trying to hold him off and Tobias going at him without stopping.

Zeke and Shauna were looking on and trying to find ways to break it up. Neither knew everything that drove Tobi to go after Eric. They both knew, as did anyone that followed the news, that he was the one that Lilah had been involved with. They both had already determined that he was the father though no one spoke about it. They also figured out that for whatever reason, no one was telling him about the baby either. Personally, Zeke didn't blame Tobi one bit for wanting to kill the fucker. If someone hurt his baby sis Maria and left her pregnant, then he would be going balls to the wall after him too.

Why couldn't he just live up to the image he had in his head of him and come after him just as hard? Didn't the asshole know he needed someone to blame? Couldn't he just give him the fights he wanted? He least owed him that much. That was all that was going through Tobi's mind.

There were several more minutes of scuffling until both guys broke apart and made their way to their feet. He just wanted to hurt him. Hurt him as much as he himself was hurting and how much he knew Lilah was hurting every night when she was crying. He launched himself back at Eric and just started spewing words.

"It's all your fucking fault. She almost died because of you. Because of you and your fucking baby. I had to watch her die a little more each day because of you!" He didn't even realize what he was yelling or what he had just admitted until Eric had him pinned with a look of horror on his face.

"She's pregnant?" Eric whispered hoarsely. So many things going on in his mind all at once. It made sense now….her not being at school. If she was pregnant then she wouldn't want to be seen that way. What was that he said about almost dying? Was she ok? Was his baby ok? He had to fucking see her….now!

He fucked up. Oh, how he had fucked up. But the worst part is he knew by the look on Eric's face and the emotions in his eyes, he knew now how to hurt him the most and knew he was going to use it. Eric cared and wanted the baby. One sentence and he could crush him.

He sneered at him coldly and spit out the next words. "You really think Marcus was going to allow that to continue? That he wouldn't take every opportunity to beat the bastard right out of her? Every time she fought back to protect it things got worse. You have no fucking clue how much she went through until in the end it was all for nothing."

He couldn't say the words that she lost the baby. He might be full of hate and anger at Eric but he would never wish harm on his soon to be nephew. They were sure it was going to be a boy. It didn't stop him from wanting to use this to hurt Eric though.

Tobias had hit the mark with how much he had hurt him. It was like his heart and soul was being ripped open and acid being poured in. He had a child that had been taken from him. Not only that but Lilah had to suffer for it. What she must have gone through to try and keep and protect their child. Only for both the child and him to be torn from her. Hate, rage and grief like he never imagined possible burned through him. He needed an outlet and luckily had one right in his hands.

"You just fucking watched? How could you just sit there and watch that? You're her fucking brother. She would rather die than watch you ever be hurt and you couldn't do the same? You are just like your fuck of a father, a weak coward." All this Eric gets out in between punches he kept landing anywhere he could.

They had both wounded each other so badly now that all bets were off. It took every passing Dauntless and teacher to pull the two young men away. It was so bad that the two had to be taken to Erudite medical themselves to be treated. At a few points they had each been trying to bash each other's skulls into the concrete.

That same day, after Tobi had been released, Harrison had marched him straight to the counselor and told him he had no choice now. That was the day Tobi looked in the mirror and truly dreaded Eric's words were true. Especially after what he had said to Lilah in the hospital when she had snuck from her room to see him.

Lilah's heart was in her throat. It was risky to be doing this. She was told Eric had been brought in too but they had him on another floor. They were afraid to even keep her brother and Eric on the same floor it was so bad. She wanted more than anything to check on Eric but knew she couldn't. She could at least get to Tobi though.

He was reclined in the bed staring at the ceiling when she crept in. At first he barely noticed her until she crawled onto the bed with him.

"Lilah, what the fuck? You need to be back in bed resting." Tobi whispered worried as at the same time he wrapped her in his arms.

"I am in bed….now." Lilah said in a tone that clearly indicated she wouldn't be leaving. She was looking him over and couldn't help the scowl that came over her. He looked a bloody mess. It just made her start to get angry. "What the hell is going on with you Tobi? Aunt Angel said this is the third major fight with Eric you have had. She said that you two were trying to kill each other. How can you be like this when you know the truth of what happened? I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him."

The hurt and anger Tobi had been feeling towards his sister broke from the surface and he pushed her away. "Oh you couldn't be more right about that Delilah. You wouldn't be here if it weren't for him. You wouldn't be sitting in this hospital knocked up with his bastard and not even knowing if you are going to make it through this pregnancy. You wouldn't have been made into a regular punching bag for Marcus not to mention what else he tried to make you become once he knew you had spread your legs. You are absolutely fucking right Sis. You wouldn't have become a little whore if it weren't for him."

As soon as the words left him he regretted them. Lilah turned white, clutched her stomach and ran from the room. He ran after her shouting her name only to find Harrison in her room as she sobbed hysterically into Natalie Prior's arms. She wouldn't look at or speak to him for two weeks afterwards.

She got to go home three days later but was put on bed rest. She had developed something called preeclampsia and it was dangerous for her and the baby. He regretted his words about her losing her child because somehow he just knew it had caused this to happen. When he finally started to open up to the counselor he also finally started to open up to her.

When she let him speak to her again he would lay in the bed with her and talk. She never said a cruel word to him, judged him, or scoffed at his thoughts or feelings. She just listened and told him her thoughts when he asked. Sometimes they wouldn't speak at all. He would just lay there, reading to her and the baby while he got to feel the kicks and movements when she would put his hand on her belly with a smile. They were both healing bit by bit and Tobi began to see the events and the baby as a blessing instead of a curse.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Two days after learning about his child and Eric still felt as if the wound had just been delivered. He had been made to stay at home while his parents worked to resolve things with his Aunt. She hadn't been pleased with his open actions against Tobias...or Tobi, as he now went by. She didn't care that he had almost killed him just that it was done openly and could be traced back to him and her by association. During that time all he could do was numb the pain how he could. He raided his parents liquor or went to the gym and spent hours working the bags. Finally he broke and hunted down Savannah.

She was more like him and Lilah. He knew she would be going Dauntless just by her attitude and the fact that she handled her stress and grief in the same way. Training for her transfer. So he had stalked her, then when she was heading to the gym, he had waylaid her and pulled her to an area he knew there were no cameras.

He knew she thought he was coming after her for something just from her body posture. He probably looked like shit and crazy. He felt crazy.

"Look, I don't want anything from you other than to try and talk to Lilah. I need to know if she is ok. I need her to know if I had known about the baby I would have done everything possible to get her away from that sick fuck. That I love her and I wanted our child. I need to see her Savannah. She needs to know this and I need to know she is ok." Eric's eyes were wild and he was pacing as he spoke.

Savannah gasped and covered her mouth. "She was pregnant? What happened? How did you find out? When did she lose the baby?" It made sense now about her looking so sick all the time. Missing school so much but why would she still be missing?

Eric stopped and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Her fucking brother attacked me two days ago after school and let it slip. Apparently Marcus found out about it and was trying to kill them both. He only succeeded with my baby but I know it has to be killing Lilah. It's killing me and I just found out about it."

Eric had gone to a wall and slid down it to sit on the ground, staring numbly at nothing while pain washed over him.

Savannah sighed and frowned in thought. There was nothing that could stop her from trying to contact Lilah now. But who could help? Then it hit her. Johana had known about what was going on with Marcus. She often looked after Lilah when she was bad and the girls took her to Amity. They could trust her not to report it and she was always there to talk to Lilah. Savannah knew that Johana had grown attached to all of the girls but especially Lilah. She could go to her and see if she could help.

Savannah turned to Eric and held out a hand to help him up. "You are going to have to pull yourself together Coulter. If you want to be there for her when you transfer you need to pull your shit together now. I will see if I can find a way to contact her. I won't give up until I get us answers. Until then do what you have to do to get through this. Just like I am doing."

Eric stood and stared at her, a little bit of life coming back to his eyes that were quickly become as dead inside as he felt. "Make sure you tell her that I still remember our promise. If nothing else Savannah….tell her that."

With a nod he left her there to make his way back home. He would hold on for a little bit longer. One year seemed like an eternity though.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lilah was officially eight months pregnant. They were so close now and while she was still on bed rest, she could get up here and there. At this moment she was on the couch waiting for visitors that Uncle Harrison said would be stopping by. They had discussed birth plans and options. She hadn't wanted to go to Erudite Medical to deliver because she didn't want it getting back to Jeanine. Eric's parents worked there as well and that was just too risky.

They made a plan to only have Erudite medical on standby. Otherwise they would have a midwife and a trained medic for a home birth. Today would be the day the selected midwife and medic would be coming by to discuss the plans and check on her.

Uncle Harrison came into the apartment with a smile as he saw his niece on the couch. Even with all she had been through and the hard pregnancy, she looked radiant and strong. Angel had never been able to have children and while they were happy, having his nephew and niece made them feel complete. They looked at them as their children and the baby on the way as a grandchild. He would do everything in his power to protect and provide for them all.

Even if that meant bending and breaking a few rules. Of course it helped that his best friend and Senior Leader Max was also willing to help. When Johana Reyes called and asked for a favor he had countered with one of his own.

They needed a midwife and Amity had the best. He hadn't counted on the fact that Johana would also take a personal interest in this as well. Lilah's face as she saw not only Johana but her friend Savannah was worth the hassle that he had gone through to arrange everything.

"Sav?" Lilah whispered with tears as the Erudite girl rushed to her friends side with tears in her own eyes.

"Lilah!" She could only cry as she made it to her side and pulled her gently to her in a hug.

The girls were crying and laughing as they held each other. Harrison and Johana moved into the room with smiles and took seats nearby. Johana could wait to examine the young woman.

Savannah finally pulled away and took her friend in. When she had been told by Johana that there was a way to get her in contact and what it entailed, she had been floored. Lilah hadn't lost the baby after all. She had almost been in disbelief and unwilling to even tell Alicia until she saw for herself. She had so many questions but she was also scared to ask them.

"Lilah, I was so scared. When I found out that you had been pregnant but lost the baby….I couldn't think straight. I…"

Lilah put a hand out to stop her and frowned. "Sav, who even told you I was pregnant in the first place much less that I lost the baby?"

Savannah frowned and sighed. "Eric." She whispered the name and heard Lilah gasp.

"He knows?" Lilah shook her head. "Wait….why would he think I lost…." Then she stopped and her face turned dark and angry. "Fucking Tobi! He told him that didn't he?"

Savannah nodded. "It was apparently during the last time they fought. He said something to Eric about it. Lilah he isn't doing good. He was handling things badly before then but after he found out about that.." She trailed off. Eric had gotten somewhat better but he was still volatile and unpredictable. His eyes were still cold but not as dead as they had been heading.

Lilah swallowed her anger down at her brother and looked to her uncle. He nodded and sighed. "I will talk to him. You have to admit though that he has been doing better since he started therapy. I am sure he knows full fucking well he fucked up Lilah. We will just have to do damage control on the situation."

Lilah nodded and sighed. While her Uncle didn't particularly love the idea of the fact that she still planned on having Eric in her life and the baby's life even he knew what Eric had done for his family. There were also other things that he knew about the events that happened and how it was possible for Eric and Lilah to pull off what they did. All of these things had him willing to keep an open mind for the sake of her and the baby.

"Savannah, several times I almost did lose my baby. I fought hard though and he is a little fighter himself. I don't want Eric to suffer Sav but it is really risky for anyone to find out about this until after our choosing.

Savannah nodded and bit her lip in thought. "He gave me a message for you if I was able to reach you. He said to tell you that he still remembers his promise and he plans to keep it."

She knew this was the right thing to say to Lilah because it seemed as if this shadow that none of them had known was hanging over her lifted. Her tears and smile made her look almost angelic with her chocolate brown hair hanging down to her waist in curls. The tears in her eyes seemed to make them look like multicolored blue jewels sparkling.

"He does?" Lilah asked happily and Savannah smiled back then nodded. "Savannah, could you give him a message from me then? Tell him I remember too and I plan to keep it as well. We can't risk more but when the time comes I will try and find a way to tell him."

Savannah smiled and the two girls embraced each other again. The rest of the time was spent in catching up with both her friend and surrogate mother. They also discussed the plans for the birth. Savannah was trained as a medic. She had taken that as part of her own personal preparation for transfer. Dauntless was always in need of skilled medics, nurses and doctors and having training would help secure her a job after training.

Johana wouldn't be able to be the personal midwife but she had someone that was lined up. She had wanted to come and see Lilah but also to think of the best plan. It was worked out that because of the pain and stress levels being a risk, Lilah would have what was called a water birth. In her room was a large soaker tub that would work but otherwise the clinic and transportation to Erudite Medical would all be prepped.

Johana issued recommendations for a diet change and had even brought Lilah plenty of fresh fruits and veggies as well as several teas that would help to soothe aches and cleanse her system.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He knew something was wrong the minute he entered the apartment and saw the looks on his Aunt and Uncles faces. Tobi sighed and went to have a seat then ran a hand over his face.

"Would care to explain what possessed you to not only tell Eric that Lilah was pregnant but also that she lost the baby?" Harrison's voice was quiet but there was deep disappointment in it.

That tone succeeded in making him feel worse than Marcus' venom filled words ever could. Tobi hadn't forgotten what he had done to Eric or to Lilah later. She barely forgave him for hurting her, she would be so much worse for hurting Eric.

"How bad is she right now?" He asked without being able to raise his eyes to look at them.

His aunt sighed and went over to sit by him. "Not as bad as she could be. She is hurting that you would have gone to that level but also hurting because she knows how much it is killing Eric right now. The worst part for her is knowing that she has to let him suffer until your choosing and then after he might not forgive her for letting him wait so long. The only thing that is keeping her from being worse than she could is that she has a way to see one of her friends now and he was able to get a message to her at least."

Tobi nods, forehead furrowed with shame. "There are things I don't know that I will ever forgive myself for. Not being able to stop the things he kept trying to do to her there at the end will always be one of them. I will always regret not having tried to fight back sooner. I will also regret letting myself say those things out of hurt and anger. I don't know that I will ever be able to bring myself to like him or even want him anywhere near my sister or nephew."

Harrison sighed and shook his head. "That isn't your decision to make. The only thing that will accomplish is driving you away from your sister. Trust me when I say I have been where you are Tobi. You may never get along with him if it does end up that he comes here and that he is part of their lives. But you need to at least try because if not you could be standing on the outside of the only family you have."

"Can I go see her now?" Tobi asked, straining with the regret and shame.

Harrison nodded and motioned him to go. Tobi walked slowly to his sister's room and hesitated before he knocked. He heard her muffled muttering of permission.

She didn't bother to look up because she knew who it was going to be. She didn't know how to feel right now with Tobi. She could understand somewhat of what might have been going on with him at the time. He had opened up and talked to her about it. His anger with her, himself and Marcus. Even their mother. His hate for their parents and himself. He had told her all of that and she knew it had taken a lot for him to open up to her or anyone. She knew she had those dark parts of herself that reached out to hurt someone else when she herself was hurting so could she really blame him for his actions?

Tobi slid onto the bed with her and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry Lilah. I can't take any of it back but I am sorry. You know I would never want anything bad to happen to our little guy and as soon as I said it I was so scared I might have brought something bad on him."

Lilah sighed and she shook her head. "You don't understand Tobi because all you want to see in Eric is the bad. All you are willing to see is who his family is. Don't you think he fights that same battle when he looks at who were related to? Despite all of that he has put himself out there for me time and time again. Not only that Tobi but you hurt him in the worst possible way. Try and put yourself in his place. You not only are being kept away from the only person that accepts you for you but both of your lives are threatened at every turn. Then to find out that same person you want to be with most was pregnant with your child and not only lost the child but in the worst possible way….how would you feel Tobi? You would die inside. I know you and I know I would feel the same way. Now I have to let him feel that way and pray that when the time comes he can forgive me and there will be anything left of the love we shared."

"You barely had time to talk much less fall in love Lilah." He muttered but once again as soon as he said it he regretted it.

Lilah jerked her hand back but he tugged on it and frowned. "You are right. We didn't have months or years to get to know each other. What we did have though Tobi, was more meaningful than most people get in lifetimes together."

"What can I do?" Tobi pleaded with her.

"Unless you can find some way to help him so he doesn't suffer there isn't much else you can do. I can forgive you Tobi. I love you and you are my brother. It will be hard to forget and I don't know how I will feel should the worst happen when he does find out." Lilah shrugged but wasn't unkind in saying this. It was just the truth. She didn't know how she was going to react if Eric decided he couldn't forgive her for not being able to tell him sooner.

He couldn't really say anything to that. She was willing to forgive him and that was more than he could hope for right now. His mind was already whirling of things he could do to make it up to her. Short of telling Eric straight out there wasn't much he could do.

What if there was a way to tell him without really telling him?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

One month later

Eric was doing better. He was still in pain and he still felt rage burning in him but after Savannah had sought him out and passed Lilah's message on, he felt slightly better. Some days were better and some were worse as regrets and thoughts of what might have been tended to haunt him.

It didn't help that his Aunt was starting to reveal what she expected of him for when he went to Dauntless. The plan was he was to get top rank and a position in leadership. Once he was in place he would find out the rest. He found it internally laughable that she really thought that he would have anything to do with any plans that she might have for him after he transferred. She was a fucking hypocrite with all her spouting of faction before blood. It only applied to others and not to her or her plans apparently.

Whatever her plans were, they weren't going smoothly. There were cracks in leadership and the faction. Eric filed every bit of information away that he could. He played her games and kept on that mask to appease her. He acted the good little boy so that she trusted him more. Because of this he knew that she wasn't nearly as solid in the support for her plans as she thought. In fact her position as senior leader was riding a thin line. Her war against Abnegation was failing after the death of Marcus Eaton. With Andrew Prior now in charge more things started to change and for the better. He was more willing to work with the other factions and share in the responsibilities.

This wasn't going unnoticed and it addressed many of the concerns most of the Erudite had. She was starting to scramble but that didn't make her any less dangerous. Jeanine was vicious and cold. He only hoped he could get the hell out of Erudite before she started getting too desperate and self destructing, taking anyone she could with her. He wanted to be the one bringing her down not the one she took down in her dying gasps.

His thoughts were tied up in his plans for training for the weekend. To get out his house as much as possible he had taken to training long hours. He had worked something out with a few Dauntless patrol guys to help him find places to do survival training of sorts. It kept Jeanine and his parents appeased and him free from their presence.

It was like deja vu when he was hit from behind but this time he was shoved against the lockers in the hallway. There was no mistaking who it was that had done the shoving though. At this point he almost didn't care about fucking him up. Almost. If he hadn't had the message from Lilah and then knowing what his family would say, then he would be going full tilt at the former Eaton.

He didn't and resumed the old routine. Restraining him. "This is seriously getting fucking old dude." He hissed in his ear.

Tobi had to make it look good so he went to take a few swings and punches until Eric put him in the lockdown that would bring them closer together and he could say what needed to be said. "You're right. It is. This is the last time and I have one thing to say. I lied. His name is Gunnar and he is beautiful. You can't say anything or it will kill them both." Tobi muttered this as quickly as he could into Eric's ear and then started yelling. "I will kill you Coulter. You aren't shit...you hear me...you aren't shit."

Then he began to try and wail on Eric. They weren't nearly as strong and he could tell by the stunned expression but also the fact that all Eric did was to hold him back and defend himself that he got the message.

His yelling brought the proper attention and teachers rushed to pull him away. He locked eyes with Eric and he saw a small smile cracking on that normally cold and dead face. It was gone as quick as it had started to appear before he nodded once then turned on his heel and disappeared.

One Week Prior

Lilah had been resting on the couch when it happened. She hadn't been feeling well and wanted to be moved to the couch so she could be around everyone. Angel had requested the midwife to be there for the entire week before she had actually gone into labor. They all had a feeling her body was nearing the end of its ability to hold on. They had made it farther than they had thought. She was just a week shy of 40 weeks.

It was morning and everyone was having breakfast. She had been propped up and snuggled in with a few books. She didn't have much of an appetite but Tobi kept giving her puppy dog eyes playfully to try and get her to at least drink some of the fruit and protein shakes the midwife made for her.

She had rolled her eyes with a laugh then reached forward to grab it from the table right beside her when she felt something almost pop and then felt a gush. She had screamed but not in pain just surprise. It brought everyone running from the table and then you would think the end of the world had begun. Orders being shouted by Harrison who was just as panicked as Tobi. The only calm one was Tonya, the midwife, who was trying to tell them that it was just her water breaking. The real labor pains hadn't started yet and they had time.

Harrison was set to call for Savannah and made sure everything was on standby. Lilah was cleaned up as she cried about making a mess on the couch. Angel had been crying but only out of happiness and excitement. It had luckily been a weekend so Tobi didn't have to be at school and Harrison didn't have any business to attend to.

Their friends stopped by here and there but her labor was a long one. It took three hours for her to really even start to go into active labor but once she did she was beyond caring who was there really. Tonya and Savannah had tech that would monitor the baby's heart rate and also Lilah to make sure she was doing well. It took another four hours before she was ready to get into the tub and start to push.

She had tried to do it completely natural but it just wasn't happening. He was a large baby and the pain was more intense then she had ever expected. So she had to accept a little something for the pain but between the tubs water and the meds she became more comfortable. She will never forget being able to pull her son from the water and put him on her chest.

She would never forget the tears that all her loved ones shed along with the laughter and smiles as he gave his first cries. Tobi was able to cut the cord and while she was so happy he was there she couldn't help but be sad that Eric wasn't the one there to greet his son. Angel had seemed to know that she wanted to somehow capture something of this for Eric. She had been vid recording Lilah and the pregnancy from the moment she stepped foot into Dauntless.

That day was no exception and Lilah hoped that would help when it came time to tell him. She could never replace the things he had missed but she hoped that between the vids and the fact that his son was alive and healthy, that she had done what she could to protect him, it would be enough.

Gunnar Michael Coulter was born at 8:56pm on a Saturday evening. He weighed 8lbs 7oz and had the lungs of a warrior as he screamed until he was laid back on her chest and they were both wrapped in a blanket. She was in love like she never thought possible and couldn't stop looking at every part of him

He had a head full of light brown hair that was already showing the curls that both his parents had. His eyes were blue but she already knew that might change as he got older. She had been concerned about listing Eric as the father but Max and Harrison both assured her that because she is a dependent that would be sealed. Until she became of age and had her choosing no one could access that information.

It still seemed to be so surreal at times as she lay looking at her son in her arms. There had been a slight scare with her when at first her blood pressure didn't seem to be going down but once the medication cleared her system it went back to normal. After that she had been cleared and they all breathed easier.

Tonya would still be staying for the next day so she could observe both Lilah and Gunnar. Savannah had to leave but Lilah was so thankful that she had been there for it. She had been told she could tell Alicia but couldn't keep any pictures and it was recommended to not talk about it in public or even mention Lilah at all.

"I told you we were having a boy." Tobi said with a smile as he lay on the Lilah's king size bed beside his sister and his nephew.

Lilah gave a tired laugh and nodded. "You said that as much as I was sick from the very beginning you knew he would be a boy. Only a boy be that persistent in taking every opportunity to let me know he was there."

Tobi smirked a little and let Gunnar capture his finger in his hand. Every squeeze that he got was like a squeeze on his heart and he was starting to get a little of what his sister had been trying to tell him about what Eric would be feeling. Gunnar wasn't his son but he was his family. His blood and part of his heart and soul now. If he had been told what Eric had he knew now how he would feel.

There had to be some way to let him know about him. Some way that was telling him without saying the actual words. Something that couldn't be traced back or would attract attention. He would take his time to think about it but he knew looking at his sister and nephew that it needed to be done.


	7. Chapter 7

_Present day_

 **Chapter 7**

Eric could count on one hand how many times he had cried in the last eight years of his life. When he had reached the age of eight years he had already progressed beyond the stage where he let anyone or anything get to him or hurt him. Back then he had felt such hurt over how his parents continued to treat him as some kind of social prop. They were indifferent and cold to him. The only time they showed anything resembling affection was when he had done something scholastically that deserved recognition. He was and always had been a brilliant student but he was and always had been brash, abrasive, too physical and too hot tempered.

In short he had been a disappointment to his parents. His Aunt though had viewed his behaviors as just needing polishing. She had said he had a fine mind and so she wanted to take him on as a special project. Even then Eric had known she was just shaping him into a tool for her own use. So at the age of eight he learned to lock everything away and play a role. Sometimes his temper and impatience got the better of him and he forgot to reign that in. Combined with whom his family were it didn't help the reputation he had begun to build.

He might have locked certain parts of himself away but that didn't mean they weren't still there. Eric could count on one hand how many times he had cried in the last eight years and they all had to do with Lilah.

In the place he had secured to do a mock survival training he sat against the wall as tears of happiness and relief dotted his face. He had a son. He had a son and both he and Lilah were ok. She had named him Gunnar. He couldn't keep the smirk from his face as he thought that it was such a perfect name for his fighter. Because he knew he was, just like his mother was a fighter. They had to be to make it through the hell they had been through.

As happy as he was he still was filled with anger because the situation was still the same. He was being kept apart from his real family all because of the people that had never been his family and the people that believed they had the right to take control of the government. That they and only they had the right to be different or special. Because that is what it boiled down to. They wanted what he and others like him had and wanted to study, dissect it and take it for themselves. If they couldn't then they would destroy anyone that had what they couldn't.

He couldn't allow that to happen. He wouldn't allow that to happen and even if he had to give his very life to make sure Lilah and his son were safe and free from the constant threat of being hunted or killed then he would do so willingly.

They had ten months until their choosing. For ten months, Eric decided, he would play the role like he never had before. He would work himself so deep into his Aunt's good graces that she would trust him implicitly. The whole time he would be building the pyre that he would burn her and everyone that would hurt his family with.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Andrew Prior sat in the office that was once occupied by the former leader of the factional government, Marcus Eaton. His desk was full of paperwork but it was all highly organized unlike what it had always appeared like when the former leader was in charge.

Things were running so much more smoothly and they were on the way to real faction cooperation for the first time in years. He couldn't and wouldn't take the credit because he wasn't solely responsible for this. Most of it lay on the removal of the presence of Marcus. That alone had opened the way and he just had to have the presence of mind to know to step aside and allow it to happen. To have the mind to help guide it not control it.

He was in the middle of finishing up the reports for the Faction Council about the status of Amities harvest when he was informed by his assistant that the small group of students that would be observing certain officials were present.

With a sigh he gave her permission to allow the one that would be assigned to him to enter his office.

Janice opened the door to make the introduction. "Leader Prior, this is the student that will be shadowing you. Eric Coulter this is Leader Prior. Make sure that you try to be as unobtrusive as possible. The goal for the students to observe and allow the normal process to occur."

Eric gave a respectful nod of his head. "Of course."

"Come in Eric." Andrew gave him a small tight smile. He wasn't pleased that it was this particular student that would be observing him. It reeked too much of Jeanine Matthews for him. Not to mention that, though he knew the truth behind Eric and Lilah, he still could not bring himself to fully trust or like the young man. Regardless he would be stuck with him for the next week as all the students would be spending an entire week with the assigned officials. They were being tasked with observing the day to day proceedings of the government. To learn what running the city entails and then to compile the information into their own thesis paper based on their observations and gathered data.

Eric nervously took the seat that Andrew offered near him so that he would have a clear view of everything that he was working on. He might not show it but inside he was feeling nerves. What he was planning was risky but he had determined on the day that he found out about his son that he would take those risks if it meant keeping his family safe.

That had been three months ago and he was at a point now that he knew he needed help. He needed someone that he knew that he could trust to truly want what was best for the city but more importantly his family. Andrew Prior was that man.

So when this opportunity had been presented to the Erudite of his year he had signed up. Then he had presented the idea to his Aunt as a way to try and get any information if possible that might help 'in their cause'. She had helped to pull strings to make sure he was assigned with Andrew Prior.

Now that he was in he intended to first observe and get to know the Senior Leader. He needed to be sure before he made his move. So for three days he observed and gradually conversed with Andrew.

He could tell that he was slowly impressing the elder man and honestly Andrew was doing the same for himself. On the fourth day he decided it was time. The two were taking lunch in an outdoor garden area of The Hub. Something Eric had suggested and even arranged to provide the food for. He didn't want the conversation to take place in the office. He was being overly cautious but he needed to be.

Andrew could tell that there was something weighing on the young man's mind. He had to admit that he was coming to respect him. Eric something of a mystery to him. His first impressions were slowly being dismissed. While he was definitely ill tempered at times, headstrong and had that calculating aspect to him he also had more.

The moment that he had stepped forward to account for Lilah, Natalie and he had known there was more to him. They knew he would need to give statements under truth serum and for him to pull off the lie that they knew his statement to be it meant something dangerous for the young man should it come out.

His mistrust came from the fact that he knew Jeanine had divergents working for her. They believed in her cause and were more than willing to carry out her wishes even when they themselves were what she wanted hunted, experimented on and destroyed.

Before this week that he had spent with the young Erudite he would have sworn that he was on his way to being one of those people if he wasn't already. Now he wasn't sure that was the case at all. So as Eric sat debating what he needed to broach Andrew gave him a patient smile letting him know it was ok.

"Eric, I see that something is on your mind. I can't help but wonder if this has anything to do with a certain young lady. To be honest I have been expecting you to broach the subject before now." Andrew said calmy and clasped his hands together then rested them on the table.

Eric tilted his head and took a moment before he answered. "In a manner of speaking sir, yes it is about her. It is also much bigger than just her alone and if I may be frank, is a very sensitive and dangerous subject." Eric said this in a low enough voice that it would only reach the leader.

Andrew's forehead furrowed and he took a quick glance around as casually as he could while picking up his water to drink. Seeing that they were well alone he nodded. "Very well you have my attention."

Eric took a moment to gather his thoughts and determined the best way to approach this. "I was wondering sir, if you could help me with the formation of my thesis. It is based on a hypothetical situation and I would like your input on how something like this would be handled by the government."

Andrew smiled approvingly at Eric and nodded. "I will try to guide you as best I can. Dealing with hypotheticals can be tricky because there are always unknown factors. Please give me the scenario and we can try and wade through this together."

Taking a breath Eric nodded. "Hypothetically, what would be the process to stop certain individuals of a faction from perpetuating a coup of the government, acts of treason and genocide? I have studied pre-war examples and while their methods varied I do not think that any of those could fit into the model our governmental organization follows."

Eric gave Andrew a pointed look, letting him know the truth and seriousness of his words. He saw the Senior Leaders face darken and knew he had chosen correctly by the fierce look and fire that came over his eyes.

The two leaned closer and then began to speak in low and serious tones.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"That's enough for the day, Lilah." Amar called with a smile at the young woman.

Lilah grumbled and moved away from the bags she had been working on for the last two hours. She knew he was just trying to watch out for her. It had been only three months since Gunnar was born but she felt woefully out of shape and was trying to push herself to get caught back up.

"I am never going to be ready in time for choosing in seven months if everyone keeps coddling me." She sighs out to him in frustration as she whips her gloves off.

Amar quirks an eyebrow and chuckles along with a few of the members that are in the area. Accusing him of coddling is like saying that pigs can sprout wings and fly, it just doesn't happen. It is also amusing as shit to the members and Amar that have been in the training room with Lilah the three days a week that she has been restricted to to claim she is being coddled when she goes from just after breakfast to just before dinner, and she goes hard. She has to be lured away to even eat by Angel when she brings Gunnar to the training room.

"If only all my initiates were going to be as dedicated as you then this year we might have a hell of a turnout. You are doing really good Lilah. You know me enough to know I don't give praise unless it is earned. You are already well past the ability and fitness level most of our transfers come in here with and are even beating the levels of some of our Dauntless born." Amar said seriously and laid a hand on Lilah's shoulder.

Lilah nodded and shrugged. "I guess I just feel like I need to be at the top of the group. Everything that Uncle Harrison has done as well as Max, not to mention I want to be the best for myself and Gunnar makes me need to do more. I want to make a life for us here but also make a difference."

Amar smirked at Lilah and laughed. "I have no doubt that you will do all that and more Lilah. Just remember that you still need to spend time with your son, you still have school, those extra classes you requested and then training three days a week on top of all of that. Take the time to enjoy your down time with your family while you have it."

Lilah felt pangs of guilt at his words. She didn't neglect Gunnar by a long shot. If she could train with him strapped to her back or chest she would. In fact she had, to the amusement of everyone that saw her with Gunnar strapped into her baby carrier as she was working her legs at the weight stations or walking on the treadmill. She felt like she needed to do it all and do it right now. The problem was that she couldn't and he was right.

"You are right. I will make sure to take the time to enjoy my family so that I can be focused when I have to do my schoolwork or training." Lilah agreed, nodding.

Amar smiled at her and then looked to the door where Angel had just walked in with Gunnar. "Good. Now it looks like it is time for Gunnar's appearance in the dining hall."

Lilah laughed and nodded then turned herself to go greet her son and Aunt. When she started training a month after he was born they had established a routine of taking lunches and dinners in the dining hall. Gunnar was now a favorite sight and it wasn't uncommon for some hardened Dauntless man to be holding and cooing at him while they insisted the women eat and let them take over.

It was amusing to Lilah that these lethal, hulks of men could be so gentle with the children in their faction. It wasn't just Gunnar that they took to. It was all of their children. It had shocked her when she got to Dauntless how they viewed the children in their faction, as treasures and the future. They weren't coddled but guided. Everyone helped to watch out for the kids and often times if someone was misbehaving you would find that a neighbor was just as likely to discipline them as a parent. And that was all accepted here in this faction. They truly took the faction before blood to another level because they viewed the entire faction as family.

She had known she belonged in Dauntless because of her temperament, attitude and need for activity but she never expected to feel such a sense of belonging and rightness. Tobias and Lilah had both worried about when it came time for training. Not about her or that she couldn't handle it but about leaving Gunnar. After the childhood they had and everything Lilah had been through she felt this pervasive sense of panic at times when it came to protecting him. It was part of why she was pushing herself so hard physically to not only get back into the shape she had been in before the pregnancy but to be in better shape.

She needed to know that she capable physically, skill wise and mentally to protect her family. Gunnar, Tobi, Angel, Harrison, Max, his wife Dahlia, Zeke, Uri, Shauna, Savannah, Alicia, Hector and of course Eric. There were so many more than had worked their way into her heart and life. The need to protect them was strong and fierce in her. So she needed to learn to balance it all.

Until then she was starting to feel reassured that while she was going through her initiation that there would be those here that would protect her son and family with their very lives.

"There she is Gunnar." Angel said with a smile as her niece approached them beaming widely. Amar wasn't that far behind them as he would be going to dinner with them.

"Hi baby boy. Did you have fun with Gramma Angel today?" Lilah asked as she took her son in her arms and nuzzled her nose against his tiny one. He cooed and flailed a fist at her as she kissed him. "How was he today?"

Angel smiled and as always when the kids referred to her as Mama or Gramma it flooded her with love and completeness. "Perfect as usual. He is such an even tempered baby unless he isn't feeling well. But I think he is over that little hump now that we have his diet taken care of."

Lilah frowned and sighed as they walked with Amar and Chase bringing up the rear. This was the usual procession whenever Lilah or Angel where out in the compound with Gunnar. Amar was always with them on the days she had been granted to train and the other guard that Max and Harrison set rotated depending but Chase always seemed to be available.

Her thoughts as they walked into the dining room were of trying not to feel like a failure for not being able to keep up with breastfeeding. Apparently the nutrition Gunnar was getting wasn't sufficient and then she had to be set up for a series of nanite injections to help with the injuries she received during her pregnancy from Marcus. She didn't know it until after she was examined but apparently she would have been in much worse condition had Eric not provided the serums he did. In fact it was stated that most likely they were what helped to get her in good enough health to survive the four month ordeal she had while Marcus had still lived.

One day she hoped to be able to tell him that he didn't just save her life that day but he continued to save her life. He saved their son's life.

They took their seats by Max and Harrison along with a few of the other leaders and senior members. As expected there was a bidding war on who got to hold Gunnar so she and Angel could eat. Max won by pulling rank.

As she handed Gunnar over to the Senior leader whose smile, when you were raced with it, could be infectious she felt knew that her son was in good hands for when she had to be away. She also knew that her and Eric's thoughts that they would find family here in their new faction were true. Hopefully soon he would be sitting at the table with her and their son among their family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

It was just another day at school for him. Another day where he put on the mask and played the role he had sunk deep into. It was working though and he was getting more information and further into her good graces than he had ever been. He was being trained to spot divergents by behaviors and also what to look for when he would eventually be made leader. Jeanine only ever dealt in absolutes so she didn't even contemplate that he might not be offered a leadership position at all.

Of course he was not given total access to the systems that dealt with the divergent experiments but he was made aware that there had been several subjects over the years that had been tested on. Jeanine was good at being able to rationalize anything and make everything sound so fucking logical. He wondered often what would have happened if he hadn't met Lilah that day. If he hadn't found her and seen for himself first hand what courage could do, or even that her rantings about Abnegation were lies, would he have been lured in by her lies?

Lilah didn't change him, want to change him or even think he needed to be changed. She just helped him to realize he needed to take charge of his own fucking life and not be some pawn in his family's schemes. One day he hoped to be able to tell her all of that. Tell her all that she has given him the courage and drive to be able to do. He would help to bring down the threat to his family and the city and it was all because of the day he walked down the path home and found a new path in life.

It had been three months from the day that he and Andrew had that talk during his time shadowing the Abnegation leader. In that time they had slowly taken steps to bring Jeanine and the others following her down. Andrew was handling the part of organizing select leaders from every faction to make plans. It had to be handled a certain way to avoid even more breaks within the faction system than there already were.

For Eric's part he was instructed to continue gathering information but to go about his day to day life as normal. Easier said than done really. There were four more months until his choosing and it seemed to be taking years.

Some part of Eric had been hoping that Lilah would return to school at some point. He knew that his son was seven months old by no. It was killing him, missing all this time with them. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't have to physically stop himself from approaching her brother and demanding some kind of word or a picture. Something to ease the ache that he constantly felt burning within him.

He used all of that to fuel his resolve and effort in training. He was eighteen now and he had always been a towering and built figure. His father was a rather large man and Eric had inherited that from him. While his father was large he was also soft. There was nothing soft about Eric physically any longer. He spent hours training in every possible way he could physically and it showed.

He also found it pathetic and rather amusing at the same time the reaction he had from girls in his faction and even others. They were scared and intimidated by him while at the same time almost relentless in trying to get his attention and into their beds. Somehow a rumor had been started about him that he was a ladies man. When he found out who had started the rumor he got another reputation. Heartless and sadistic. Because while he didn't give a shit what anyone else thought of him and whether they believed that shit he would not have lies getting back to Lilah and hurting her.

He had caught hell from the beating he delivered to the dick that had started the shit but he didn't care. His message was delivered and people would think twice about what kinds of shit they said about him. Eric didn't know that while his actions would stop whisperings of him being a man whore of sorts it didn't stop the whisperings that labeled him as a heartless monster.

All of this was helping his cause with Jeanine but causing concern for Tobi. He hadn't brought his concerns to Lilah. He didn't want to bring Eric up and risk causing tension or an argument between the two. So as he watched Eric pass him in the hallway he couldn't help but wonder how he should handle keeping his sister and nephew safe from another monster.

"You aren't going to start shit with him again are you?" Zeke asked his friend worriedly as he observed Tobi tensed and watching Eric's every move as he made his way through the hallway.

The sound of his friends voice snapped Tobi out of his reflections and worries. He shook his head to clear it and then looked to Zeke frowning. "I hadn't planned on it. Can't say what will happen if he transfers to Dauntless though." Tobi shrugged with a sigh as the two made their way to their own class.

Zeke nodded thoughtfully. "You know I never asked but I have always wondered why you guys don't want him to know."

Tobi went rigid and looked around him then looked to his friend. "You know who he is related to. Lilah has been hurt enough with everything that happened. They are the kind of people that would use that in some way to hurt her further."

He replied truthfully but didn't expand on everything that they could or would do to make that possible. Zeke put on airs of not being as intelligent as he was but both he and his brother were very intelligent. They didn't tend to use that intelligence for school or studies but rather pulling of epic pranks. So he knew that there was a lot the Tobi wasn't saying with words but was implying much more.

His lips thinned and he nodded. "Well then I guess we just need to make sure we train and are ready."

The way he delivered that now had Tobi looking at him as he recognized that Zeke meant much more than he was saying. With smiles at each other they nodded and continued on to class.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In a secure conference room located in Dauntless a group of eight gathered around a table with grave faces.

"Thank you all for coming in such short notice. I know that these meetings are always difficult to arrange but we all know the importance in having as little reference to these matters in any type of traceable manner. I would like to start out by reviewing what we know so far and answer any questions that you might have had that we were unable to answer previously." Andrew Prior is standing in front of his chair at the round table in the room.

His bearing was that of the normal Abnegation manner but his tone was grave and carried the fire that his eyes also held whenever he was dealing with these matters. A fire that had ignited the day the young man had brought to light how far Jeanine and the group she led were willing to go to take control of the city and have free reign to commit their grotesque acts in the name of science or progress.

"We have been able to obtain and collect Intel that key leaders and members of Erudite are planning a few acts that would destroy our society. The first of which is the hunt for what they deem to be threats to the city or the system, Divergents. I know that there were several concerns about what a divergent is and if they really are a threat and we will be able to answer that shortly. In their effort to find out more about divergents they began experiments on ones that they were able to identify within their own faction but also within the factionless and Amity. It has been confirmed that several deaths or disappearances from Amity were these individuals." Andrew nodded to the leaders from Amity that were present. Johana Reyes, Senior Leader and Charles Stagg her Second.

Both leaders lips thinned and the grief as well as the rare anger that Amity ever let show or slip was obvious on their faces and bearing.

"Next on the list is we know they plan to expand those hunts starting with Dauntless. She has already approached leadership here several times in the past and more recently she has requested several meetings. In the past leadership has refused her requests but listened to her concerns. They requested more information and evidence as to what makes Divergents so dangerous to our city and lives. They were unable and unwilling to provide this information but have agreed to start gathering that data for leadership. This was all agreed upon ourselves that Dauntless would begin to entertain the idea with Erudite and get further information on her plans. It is also clear that from those meetings she means to remove the government handling from Abnegation control and place it solely in Erudite control."

There were mutterings and grumblings of anger and shock around the table.

"That is what we have so far but we do have someone within her core group that is gathering information as they can. We also have several other Erudite that have approached us with their own concerns. We know this is not faction wide so we feel that if the problem can be stopped and handled properly then we can move forward and hopefully be stronger for it." Andrew finished and motioned for that it was now open for questions.

Around the table, all of the factions besides Erudite were represented. Andrew Prior and Layla Munos from Abnegation were present. Amity had the Senior leader and second. Jack Kang and Alistair Lawrence from Candor were attending. Finally Max and Harrison from Dauntless were handling the situation.

Jack addressed a concern he had with a frown on his face. "I know that there was talk of Jeanine wanting to place one of her own people within leadership of Dauntless to help sway things her way. What are the plans regarding that?"

Max cleared his throat to answer this question with a frown and stern look. "The individual that is being selected for that was also the person that brought these concerns forward to our group. I have been able to meet personally with him and have informed him that he will only be selected if he proves that he is truly the best option for anything within leadership. He understands and expects nothing less. I have to say that while I had severe concerns regarding him personally, over the last few months I have come to know him through our brief interactions. He is dedicated to helping this city first. That is his priority and he has made that clear. When the time comes to select a leader we have already agreed that we will only base our decision on performance and suitability."

Harrison tilted his head and continued the thought. "We are however willing to allude and play into Jeannine's belief that she will have someone imbedded within leadership should he make that position. If we just give him the position she would get suspicious anyways and we wouldn't even contemplate it regardless."

Jack nodded and pursed his lips in thought. They had been informed who the person was that they had on the inside and to say he was surprised was more than an understatement. He moved on to his next question that also pertained to this young man and divergents.

"The next concern we need to address is that of divergents." Jack said pointedly.

Andrew nodded and sighed. "While the concerns that you brought up are valid we have also found out that what we have all been told is not true. Yes Divergents are more resistant to serums like truth serums but with adjustments they work just as well as on anyone else. It is no different than someone that has a faster metabolism and seems to be able to eat anything and never gain weight. As far as them having different aptitudes so they are more likely to not be committed to the faction of their choosing and so are a danger; I have two points to make. The first is the way our choosing and aptitude testing works. From the beginning it has been established that even if a dependent gets a certain faction on their testing they can still choose to go with any of the other factions. This has and still does happen and none of those dependents are divergent. How is it different in this instant? We have people in this very room that did not go with the faction result they received and yet they are as dedicated to that faction as anyone that did."

He paused and got several nods of agreement then he looked to Harrison who nodded his willingness. "The second point I will turn over to Harrison."

Harrison stood and cleared his throat. "I thought it best to address this next portion myself. You and the rest of our city must have concerns about what a divergent is and if they are really dangerous to our way of life. I thought it might be best to put a face to the word Divergent. You are looking and speaking with one. I am taking a big risk in trusting you all but I do not think that is misplaced trust. I am divergent but it really means nothing in the grand scheme of things. All it really means is that I have the ability to look at things from a few of the other factions point of view. I can identify with them in some respects but I have always known and been Dauntless. Most of the way I approach things is how a Dauntless would. If you will think about something though. Recently when there was a dispute between Amity and Dauntless it was resolved without anyone needing to step in. Johana can you tell those around us, who it was that worked with you to resolve this issue?"

Johana smiled at Harrison and nodded. "Certainly. I had the pleasure of working with none other than Harrison Johnson to work out the disagreement between Amity and Dauntless. I would like to add that during our talks I could see what he is illustrating. He always had his faction in mind but he also was able to look at things from our perspective and we came to a compromise."

Harrison nodded. "In the grand scheme of things as far as the safety of our city, divergence has no bearing. Not unless it we allow it to be used to affect the city. There have been divergents in our midst since the beginning and it has yet to cause our downfall. Allowing fear of their difference, allowing them to be hunted or to be experimented on or used as an excuse for what Erudite wants to have happen will be our downfall. It is up to us here and now to keep this from happening."

By the end of the meeting it was determined that the measures that had started to be put in place were sufficient. They would allow Jeanine the rope to hang herself and then when the time was right they would strike.

At the table there were four people that breathed internal sighs of relief. Now that it was established that those with divergence posed no threat it was almost freeing. Now they could concentrate on keeping themselves, their families and others like them safe along with the city.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hi all! I know I usually do an AN at the start of the story but I was on the iPad and was just being lazy and not wanting to go back and add one. So the inspiration for this story came about in a weird way. I was thinking about parallel universes where one decision in one makes events unfold one way where the opposite decision makes things turn out another. This is my look at what would have happened if Eric had been in love with Four's twin sister before they ever transferred. In one she dies and he carries that hate for Abnegation, Four and even the entire city in his heart...making him be who he is in the Trilogy. In this one though she doesn't die. One choice of his makes that possible and these are how events unfold because of that.**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **Chapter 9**

Lilah was staring at her reflection the floor length mirror and studied herself. Not out of vanity but in wonder and worry. She had changed since she had Gunnar and from the last time Eric had seen her.

The pregnancy had given her curves she had a hard time accepting at first. She had fought hard to try and get back to her pre-pregnacy body but after talking with Angel and Natalie she had come to accept that regardless of the pregnancy she was a woman now and her body was going to change.

Her months of dedication to training, when not working on her studies or spending time with her family, all showed in how toned and fit she was. She was in the best physical condition of her life. She loved it because it gave her a visual of her hard work paying off.

What had her nervous and standing in front of the mirror though was a thought that had been weighing on her mind lately. Would Eric still find her attractive and want her? She was no longer the slim and frail looking girl she had been at 16. She looked like a Dauntless woman now and while she had hard muscles in her arms, abdomen and legs; she was also curvy and soft in the right places.

Her mind was fluctuating in these thoughts as she got ready to head the school for her aptitude testing today. It would be the first time she has stepped foot in that place since shortly before Marcus' death.

She should be nervous about the test and that she remembers what to do to hide her divergence but she is more concerned if she will see Eric and what he will think of her.

Angel smiles at her from behind her in the mirror. "You look beautiful Lilah. From what you have told me about him and what I have heard elsewhere he will think you look beautiful in anything and any shape. Regardless you have never looked better sweetheart."

Lilah sighs and nods but turns and takes in her outfit. It wasn't anything special but it made her feel good. It was pretty much standard Dauntless wear. She wore tight black pants that had leather accents down the seams and pockets. A dark red tshirt with cap sleeves and a black sleeveless vest was over that. It had leather accents on it too as well. She had her hair down and it wasn't as long as it used to be. It fell to about her shoulder blades in her natural curls and her natural color of chocolate brown but she had gotten it styled so that it fell in layers and framed her face.

She wore makeup now but still not nearly as much as Shauna, Lynn or Mar wanted to get her to wear. She kept it to the eyeliner, mascara a little blush and lip stain for color. Her ears were pierced with regular piercings but she also had a few helix piercings in one ear. She hadn't gotten tattoos yet but had a few planned out. She was saving those for during training and after when she became a member.

She was also waiting for Eric on that. It felt important somehow and like he would want to be there when she got her first tattoo.

With a shrug she turns to face the only mother she has ever really known and who she has taken to calling her by that title. "Well it is as good as it's going to get."

With a chuckle and a shake of her head Angel hands Gunnar to Lilah and smiles as they all head into the living room.

"Finally!" Tobi exclaims with a laugh. "I thought you were suddenly turning into Shauna with how long you were taking."

Lilah laughs "Never. Give me a break though Tobi. I have every right to be nervous about today."

Tobi nods as he takes his nephew's hand on his and smiles at the happy little boy. At times it was hard to believe that Gunnar was already ten months old, so close to being one years old. It was as if time just sped up once he was born. Other times it seemed as if from the time Lilah and he had figured out she was pregnant until now had really been years and years instead of just under two. So much had happened to them and while it had been hell going through most of it, he couldn't imagine them being any other place than where they are right now.

Tobi leans in a kisses Gunnar on his forehead and sighs. "We might as well head out Lilah. The gang are waiting for us in the dining hall so we can grab something then head to the train."

He holds Lilah's eyes and sees her self-consciousness along with her worry. As much as he doesn't want Eric anywhere near her or Gunnar, his uncle is right. Trying to control her and steer her clear of him will only strain his relationship with his family and he can't have that. It doesn't mean he won't be watching and ready to step in if even gets a hint that Eric is mistreating them, but for now he can be supportive.

"Lilah, you look amazing. I already know I am going to have to assume my big brother glare to warn all the little boys off once they see you." He said playfully but also with truth in it.

Lilah laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "Hardly. But we should get going." She sighs and holds Gunnar close to her. "Ok Gunnar, it's just like we talked about. Mommy will be going out for her testing but I will be back later this afternoon. Then we can spend all the rest of the day playing and whatever else you want. Don't decide you want to take your first steps today while mommy is gone."

She got a squeal and laughter from her son as she gave him Eskimo kisses. She tried not to cry when she handed him to Angel and she rushed to the door to hurry before she started to cry.

This was going to be harder than she thought. Training was going to be hard not being able to wake up with him or being able to look over at his crib by her bed. At least she knew she would see him everyday after training and then on the two off days she would be able to stay at home with him.

Angel and Harrison even said they would be willing to make sure Gunnar was in the dining hall for lunch. She had a feeling that was more of a demand of the regular group that had gotten used to having the little boy there over the last nine months.

When they made it to the dining hall they were greeted and wished luck by several members. Amar was there and motioned with his head for the two of them to step aside so he could speak to them in private.

"You two remember what to do right?" Amar asked in a low and serious voice.

Tobi nodded with a smile. "Yeah we have it down. We just need to make sure to do what a Dauntless would do."

Amar nodded and tilted his head with a smile. "Not that I am worried, you two certainly have become Dauntless in almost every aspect since you have been here. Still the mind can wander and that could affect the sim."

Lilah hugged the elder Dauntless with a smile and laugh as he awkwardly returned it back. "We will remember Amar. Thanks again for all your help it getting us both ready for this. I know I can be difficult to work with."

Amar and Tobi laughed with her but Amar shrugged. "The only difficulties I had with you Lilah were keeping you from killing yourself by overworking to death. Regardless, you are welcome. You two better grab something and get going. Your friends are looking antsy."

One look back showed the siblings that he was right. Zeke was rocking back and forth on his feet tapping his wrist as if to say it was time. With smiles they grabbed a few muffins and then were running out of the door with their friends to make their way to the train.

It was finally their day and by this time tomorrow they would no longer be a dependent but on their way home for good.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He has trying to wait patiently but it just didn't seem to be working. Outwardly he looked as cold and calm as ever but inside he was a mess. He knew she would be there today for her testing and he was anxious to see her. To finally get even a glimpse of her for the first time in over a year. It had felt like centuries to him and he wondered how it felt for her.

This morning as he had dressed he had been hit with a million different thoughts and worries. Normally he was a fairly self assured guy. At least when it came to things he could control, and he tried to control as much as possible. There wasn't much he could control when it came to Lilah and that had been the way of things from the start.

He had no control over how fast and hard he had fallen for her and how much he needed her. He had no control over how helpless he had felt knowing what she was going through and not being able to do a damn thing about it. He had no control over how the loss of her had felt like his soul had been ripped in half adding that he had a son who he had lost so much precious time with.

There was so much he hadn't been able to control it was a wonder he hadn't gone off the deep end with how angry, frustrated and wounded it made him feel. It might have if not for the people he had come to respect and rely on over the last seven months.

Andrew, Max and Harrison all had helped to keep his head on straight and get through the ordeal of playing the role his aunt wanted of him. Their guidance had been immensely needed but they had also offered him more than just guidance. They had given him hope. The first few meetings he had with Harrison had been tense and extremely formal. He hadn't dared ask about Lilah or his son at first. Andrew and Max had been able to offer him little bits of information, not much but enough to let him know they were both doing well.

Then during one meeting with Harrison and the others, Lilah's uncle had seemed as if debating something. Towards the end of the meeting he had taken an envelope out of his pocket and slid it towards Eric.

"Unfortunately I can't allow you to keep them. But take your time and look over them." Harrison had said in a manner that expressed understanding how much this would mean to the young man.

Eric's hands had trembled slightly as he opened the envelop to pull out a small handful of pictures and his breath caught in his throat with emotion. Each picture seemed to be a progression of time. From showing Lilah heavy with his child, smiling and looking angelic to her holding their child in what had to be the first hours of his life. It continued on until the last picture that was available at that time where Gunnar couldn't be more than eight months old.

They were beautiful. They are beautiful and as Eric looked at them he was filled with such a feeling of love, protectiveness and absolute longing. The remaining two months that he had until his choosing had seemed to drag on for ever.

He had barely slept the night before and was up well before anyone else in his house. He also didn't stick around to have last words of wisdom from his parents and he couldn't even imagine seeing Jeanine. He would have to put up with them tonight for the dinner they would be having.

When he finally heard the trains rumbling his eyes went straight to it and watched closely. Luckily he wasn't the only person watching among the students lined up outside of their faction doors, waiting to be let in for the last day they would have school and be dependents.

His heart almost stopped when he had watched the Dauntless approach and caught sight of the familiar figure of Tobi. It wasn't him that made his heart almost stop though. It was her, Lilah, who was running alongside him laughing with those beautiful dimples he had seen so very rarely in those few times he saw her before everything had happened. She was stunning and it took everything he had to keep his joy at seeing her off his face and his body from moving towards her.

She saw him and slowed her run but still kept her distance. Once again it was like in their eyes were saying a million things but never having to utter a single fucking word. It felt like, for the both of them, they could breath fully for the first time in months.

In those few seconds they had to be able to send messages he tried to let her know that he would be seeing her soon. That they only had to last one more day. She gave a small nod before she was being pulled along by a girl and her brother.

Eric turned and followed along to enter when his turn came but he was walking as if on autopilot. His mind was reviewing every detail about her and every second of their encounter.

Lilah almost forgot how to breath when she saw Eric. Then it was like she was breathing fully for the first time since the day he left her house. She hadn't been nervous about school until she got onto the train and then all the nerves in the world had seemed to settle in the bottom of her stomach. She knew that Savannah had said he was willing to wait and he meant to keep his promise but she didn't know if the months since he had been told she lost their child might have changed that. If it might have changed him.

One look in his eyes and she knew that he still felt the same. All the worries from the morning seemed to melt away only to be replaced by impatience and she saw the same in his eyes.

One more day. They only had to wait one more day and then they could be together finally.

"You good Lilah?" Tobi asked beside her as they made their way to auditorium where they would be addressed about the history of the city, factions and choosing.

Lilah smiled a genuine smile and breathed out a relieved breath and felt like weight was being lifted from her as she did so. "Yeah. I really am Tobi."

Her brother let out his own relieved breath and nodded. "Good. Well let's go sit through hours of boring shit then take a test that determines our life in ten minutes."

She couldn't help the smirk that graced her face throughout the day as students she had once encounter as Abnegation and been ridiculed or taunted by now made sure to keep their tones and attitudes in check around her.

She wondered if she had changed so much that none of them recognized her. She essentially felt the same as she had always been. She felt more of herself if anything. As she moved throughout the day she looked for her friends and Eric. They all we're able to catch eyes and smiles. They weren't able to talk but it wasn't needed. Seeing each other even for those seconds was more than she could have hoped for at one time. She would take what she could get until it was time for their choosing.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lilah lay in her huge bed in the early morning hours on the day of her choosing ceremony with her son cuddled to her side. She had felt the need to have him close to her last night. To feel his peaceful breathing beside her as she placed tender kisses over his face, hands and anything else her baby decided to throw her way as he rolled and moved in his sleep.

That night after Tobi had left her room leaving her and Gunnar alone she had told him the bedtime story she had made to tell him about his father.

The nerves that she had felt that morning had eased but not all of the way. If things went the way she hoped, Eric would be joining her in Dauntless. Her nerves came from having to talk to Eric about their son, hoping it wouldn't be too much of a shock and that he would be able to accept him. She hoped he would want to meet him.

Tobi and Harrison seemed to think everything would work out. She was surprised that Tobi was being so supportive and encouraging. Harrison and Angel had already informed her that they would have Gunnar at the lunch celebration. It had already been decided by the regular group that there was no other option and had sent her assurances that he would be well taken care of.

Gunnar lay playing with his toes and laughing beside her as the sun started to make its presence more known and she sighed then started blowing raspberries on his chunky feet. Which made him laugh and gurgle even more. It was the best sound in the morning to wake up too and she knew that soon Tobi, her Aunt and Uncle would find their way into her room to take in the morning cheer.

Five more minutes of her playing alone with her son as he crawled all over the bed, climbed all over her and drooled everywhere too; then they were invaded by the household. Tobi launched himself at Gunnar and played tickle monster while Angel made her way in with two cups of coffee in her hand.

She handed one to Lilah with a smile and sat on the edge of the bed to watch her nephew play with the boy she considered her grandson.

"Thanks Mom." Lilah said accepting the cup and then blowing on the liquid to cool it down. She quirked an eyebrow when her uncle came in without his own cup.

He shrugged and smiled. "I got cut off. I have been up for a while already and your mother here decided I had two cups too many already."

"You are already high strung and antsy on a daily basis. You don't need more coffee to make it worse." Angel said with a wink and a smile.

They were both nervous about today for many reasons. There was a small part of them that worried that Tobi or Lilah might not choose Dauntless. Logically they knew that wasn't going to happen but there was nothing logical about how insecurities preyed on a person.

They were also both nervous for Lilah and Gunnar. Worried that something might happen and Jeanine got wind of Eric's helping to bring her down. Worried that she might try something with Lilah when she was out today. Then there was the worry that she got wind of Gunnar and would try something with him.

Harrison had felt paranoid when he had approached Max to see about making sure there was extra security at the choosing ceremony but also a few other people in the compound to watch out for Angel while she was home and around the compound. He had been surprised when the senior leader had started out before he could even ask for anything, saying that he would be doing just those very things. It had eased all of their minds a little to do what they could.

The last worry was how the reunion would go. Harrison had observed and gotten to know Eric fairly well over the last seven months. Their meetings were never lengthy because it was a risk. In those times though he could see the beginings a fine young man. He had his faults and shortcomings but for everyone of those he made up for in his strengths.

There were not many young men of his age that could or would fight so hard to be with a young woman that in reality they had spent so very little real time with. When he allowed it to show though, Harrison could see the love and dedication he had for not only Lilah but his son. Tobi had told him that he found a way to let Eric know two things. That he had lied to Eric and that he had a son named Gunnar.

Andrew had told him that when Eric came to him with the information about the planned coup he had been adamant that while it was to protect the city it was always about protecting his family. He believed in the faction systems and sought no power for himself but that he would be honest that it all boiled down to him being selfish and needing to make sure Lilah and his son were safe. That they had a safe home to live and didn't have to look over their shoulders constantly.

Harrison knew in that moment when Andrew told him of the young man's conviction but also his honesty that he would do all he could to make sure that he was able to be there for his family too.

The day had finally come and the family gathered in a bedroom around the little boy laughing and playing with anyone he could crawl too all had their own individual worries. Those were being eased slowly by being able to face it together and by infectious laughter.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The dinner had been tedious. It was a small affair of everyone in the 'inner circle'. He had hated every minute of it and was ready for the second it was remotely proper for him to excuse himself.

When that time came, he cited that he would be getting up early to prepare himself and make his way to The Hub. Jeanine had cornered him before he could totally escape and gave him a low warning that he better remember where he loyalties lie.

"You have no need to worry Aunt Jeanine. I will always remain true to my family and faction." He replied truthfully and simply. No need to tell her that he had long since considered Dauntless his faction and Lilah his family. His son just strengthened that fact for him.

He said this with such conviction and honesty that it convinced and appeased the bitch and she had practically beamed her approval at him before she shooed him to get his much needed rest. While he did lay in bed sleep wasn't easy in coming to him.

His mind was whirling with a million thoughts. Worries that with him in Dauntless he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on things with Jeanine and get as much Intel as he had been able to provide. He had brought those concerns up with Andrew and Max and both reassured him they now had a few others in leadership and senior members to take over. He trusted the two leaders but not many else. Too much was at stake and it helped to know they had personal interest in what was most at stake for him.

Worries that Lilah wouldn't understand what he had to do to secure his position with his Aunt. Yes it had been authorized by the leaders that were working against Jeanine but it still was done for Jeanine. Eric knew that Lilah was capable of the very thing he had done. The difference was that for her it had a very real matter of life and death for her and his son.

In a way that was true for him too. Had he not been able to do the things she requested of him to prove himself he would never have been able to secure that position and provide the ammunition to take her down. He just hoped that Lilah would see it that way too if it ever came to light.

He worried that when it came down to it that something would change her mind and she wouldn't want him or to be with him. That unloved little boy that had only ever felt like he was a disappointment to his family had been rearing his head a lot lately.

He tried to push all of these thoughts and worries away and use the images that had helped him to calm his mind and heart to rest. The pictures that her uncle had provided him were burned in his memory and now he had one more to add to that. Seeing Lilah today. Breathing, laughing, smiling and beautiful. More than he could have ever imagined and more than he thought he could ever be worthy of.

She was a woman now and he hadn't failed to notice the looks she drew from the guys around her of all factions. He would say she looked the Dauntless part now but if he were being honest he had only ever seen her that way.

The day he met her, from the second he had seen her in action and for sure when he had first touched her, he didn't see the grey of Abnegation on her. She was Dauntless in spirit and it had shined through her to burn into him. Now the clothes she wore finally matched what she had always had inside.

He had missed those moments where he could lose himself in her eyes. He hadn't realized how significant they were to him until he no longer had them. It pulled the life back into his own and even though he had felt more alive after he started to work towards protecting his family, even though he had images of them to look at and review in his mind; nothing was quite like what Lilah could bring out in him with just one brief contact of her eyes to his.

Eric closed his eyes with a sigh and let the images play through his mind like a slide show. He played those moments with Lilah in his mind like a movie and he fell asleep after losing himself to the memory of her in his arms. Tomorrow he would wake early and make his way to where he would make the choice to live, truly live, for once in his life and join his family.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Tobi and Lilah were standing outside of The Hub. They had just jumped from the train with their friends but motioned them to go on without them when Lilah spotted the Prior's. She grabbed Tobi's hand and dragged him over laughing at his blush when he spotted Beatrice with them.

During their time with Natalie and Andrew it became obvious to Lilah that Tobi had feelings for Beatrice. She had known they had spoken occasionally and she saw how Bea watched Tobi but she hadn't ever seen that reciprocated. She understood now after he had opened up to her that he had been afraid to get close to anyone in fear that Marcus would use them to hurt him. With Bea being in Abnegation and the daughter of one of his fellow leaders it would have been all too easy for Marcus to get access to her and hurt her in some way.

She understood that all too well and she had to admit it had always been a worry. Hers had always just been doubled with worry about Jeanine as well.

"Natalie, Andrew; I didn't know you would be here. Bea, Caleb; it is so good to see you again." Lilah said softly and with a smile at the family that had helped her own family more than she could ever repay them for.

Andrew returned the smiled with a gentle one of his own. "We thought it only fitting to be here to see you two completing your journey. I am sure you both are very anxious for the day to be over and back home."

Tobi nods and smiles shyly at Bea before he addresses Andrew. "We are. It will be good to know that when we step back into the compound it will be us being on our way to becoming members and that we will finally be able to contribute to our faction."

Bea looks to the two and had already returned Tobi's shy smile with one of her own. She turned more towards Lilah though for her question. She had already been told not to speak of Lilah's pregnancy or any baby. She didn't understand why they didn't even want Caleb to know but he didn't care anyways.

"How is life there Lilah? Is it hard...or was it hard?" Bea asks this timidly at first but then more firmly at the end.

Natalie and Lilah share a knowing look and Lilah smiles at Bea. "For me, I couldn't imagine life anywhere else. I feel like I am finally where I belong and with who I belong. I won't lie and say that the training wasn't hard but it also is something I couldn't imagine living without. It feels just like a natural part of me and I guess always has. So the moments of pain or being uncomfortable are all worth it."

Bea bites her lip in thought and nods. "I am glad for you both that you get to go home for good then. I am glad we get to see you cross the stage."

Tobi gets courage and though he blushes he smiles at Bea. "We are both glad you….all of you get to be here too."

"Well you should head on in and join the other dependents. We wish you all the best." Natalie said with a smile and tried not to laugh at her daughter and Tobi. She also felt a pang of sadness at the thought of losing her baby girl but she had known for a while that Beatrice was meant for Dauntless. Even with her divergence her Dauntless has always been much more dominant. She resolved to talk to Andrew about training her to prepare her as much as possible.

The two families said their goodbyes and the twins rushed into the hub to take their place with their friends.

Eric was trying not to shift nervously in his seat. He had been there for a while hoping to get a good view of the door so he could see when Lilah came in. He got a good spot and had been watching the door as inconspicuously as possible. He started to get nervous when the Dauntless had bustled in and he still hadn't seen her or even her brother. He spied the friends that her brother hung around but not them.

When the door opened and two figures in black burst through he couldn't help his breath expelling in relief. Internally he was smiling at the flustered sight of her but he kept his mask in place. There was no need to blow things this close to the finish line.

All the dependents sat together in one section and though there were spots open near Eric, they both knew it wouldn't be wise to sit by each other. The train would be the soonest it would be safe if they both made it onto the same car.

So the best that they could do was she sat in the row her friends had already taken, four rows in front of Eric and to the right slightly. He could see her and she could use the excuse of turning to talk to a few friends behind her to look at him.

Savannah and Alicia caught her eye. She had time to register what Alicia was signing to her before her heart fell a little. The three girls smiled sadly at each other and Lilah nodded to Alicia with a sad smile.

Alicia would be going Amity. It wasn't a surprise really that she wouldn't be going to Dauntless with the other two girls. She had never been as fiery in temperament and had always been the mediator or healer. She had a softer nature though she could be fierce when pushed. Alicia had gone along on the adventures and training as much to be around the two girls as to learn something that might be useful. She also had loved her time in Amity and they had all known she would end up there without ever speaking the words.

It was bittersweet and sad that she wouldn't have both her friends with her but she knew that Alicia would be happiest where she was going.

Tobi frowned and followed his sister's eyes. He saw the red head named Alicia smiling sadly and all three girls eyes. He put his arm around her shoulder. When Lilah turned back around and looked at her brother she smiled sadly at him.

"She's not going Dauntless." He stated sympathetically.

She nodded and sighed sadly. "We always knew but never said it out loud. It would have been too sad I think. She can be fierce but that isn't her heart all the time. Amity always called to her."

"I'm sorry she won't be going home with us but at least we know she is going to the home she belongs. Johanna will take care of her."

Lilah nodded with a small chuckle. "Johana said that if any of the three of us transferred we could bet she would be keeping a close eye on us. I think she was just trying to reassure us that Alicia would be ok."

They didn't have to the chance to speak more because the ceremony was called to order and now they had to wait for their names to be called.

The order went by last names starting from A-Z. Eric went before Lilah. After he had chosen Dauntless he cast a glance at his aunt. He wasn't surprised when she looked smug for an instant before she wiped everything and once again took in the unemotional mask she was the master of.

He was welcomed into the sea of black and sat to wait until the end of the ceremony. Finally Lilah and her brother were called. Lilah first then Tobi took their turns. He must have been unknowingly worrying because as soon as her blood hit the coals he let out a relieved breath and his body relaxed slightly.

They weren't sitting right beside each other but we're just seats away. They both noticed about each other that their hands were clenched into fists. They were having to restrain themselves from any outward appearance that they were longing to touch in any kind of way.

She didn't have those reservations when Savannah finally joined Dauntless. The two girls laughed and hugged tightly before they took their seats again. She met Eric's eyes as they had turned to sit down again and saw he was just as impatient for this to be over as she was.

"We did it." Savannah says with a smile to Lilah.

"We did it." Lilah agreed with a wide smile.

"I can't wait to get there. I can't wait to see him again. He must be so big now." Savannah said close to Lilah's ear and low enough that only she could hear.

"You have no idea. He is going to look just like him."

"Are you nervous? About telling him finally?" Savannah looked to her friend with her own worried eyes.

Lilah nods and sighs. "I hope he can forgive me for not trying to let him know earlier."

Savannah glances in Eric's direction and tilts her head in thought, remembering the day he came up to her looking crazy. She had thought he had finally snapped and was coming after her for Jeanine. She thought about how emotional he was at the thought of having a child only to have that child taken from them both. How he had looked like part of him was just gone and especially at the thought that Lilah had to suffer alone with that burden. She might not like Eric and she may never like Eric but it was plain to her how much he loved Lilah.

"I think he won't think there is anything to forgive you for Lilah. I saw his eyes that day and how hurt he was by the loss but more importantly how much he was hurting for you." Savannah shrugged as she told her honestly what she thought.

Lilah smiled at her friend and let out a breath. "I guess we'll find out shortly then."

Tobi grabbed Lilah's hand while she grabbed Savannah's the second the ceremony was over. She cast eyes to Eric to make sure he was close and saw his smirk and eyebrow quirked letting her know he was right behind her. He was literally right behind her.

So they ran for it, laughing and yelling all the way. Savannah and Lilah got mischievous looks as they decided to leap down stairwells or slide down banisters.

She laughed even louder when she heard three different male voices cursing her and then following closely. Tobi, Zeke and Eric were hot on the girls heels. They burst out of The Hub into the midmorning sunlight and continued on with running as fast as they could. There weren't many transfers this year and you could tell which ones had tried to prepare beforehand and who might not have known until the day before where they were going to go.

It was obvious when it came to climbing the metal posts to get to the platform where they would wait for the train. They lagged behind and one stood there watching everyone with wide scared eyes. Lilah was about to climb back down and go to the young man but Eric was right under her and she could tell by his thinned lips and shake of his head he knew what she was thinking. Even Tobi was giving her a look and shaking his head.

With a sigh she resumed her quick climb and then pulled herself over hurriedly so Eric could come up next.

Tobi and Eric got to the top at the same time and her brother looked over to her and sighed. "I don't like it anymore than you do Lilah but remember what Amar said. These are the simplest of the tests. They were designed this way and if we help him now only for him to fail later...:"

Lilah sighs and nods. "We aren't doing him any favors and only making Dauntless weaker. I know. It just sucks balls that I have to watch kids throw their lives away because they weren't allowed to prepare ahead of time."

Beside her Eric tilts his head in thought at her words. Maybe, if he does make leadership, they can try to lobby for that change.

His thoughts are interrupted when her hand brushes against his and she smirks at him. "Get ready Eric." She calls out and then assumes a sprinter's stance.

He matches her grin and stance then looks behind him. All of the Dauntless born are already in that position while few of the transfers are. With some kind of signal from somewhere Lilah takes off like a rocket and his body launches after her.

Apparently the goal is to reach the first car as everyone that is aiming for that picks up speed. A Dauntless member reaches there first and opens the car allowing everyone that can make it there to whip up and in.

Eric chuckles as he passes Lilah and hears her cursing. He knows she has just kicked up her run. She is right behind him as he reaches the car but he doesn't even wait for her to try and reach out for it. He simply plucks her up and walks them both into the car.

He moves out of the way quickly, allowing her to walk beside him but still pulled into his side.

"Let's go to the other side of the car, less wind that way." Lilah points to the opposite wall of the train car.

With a nod and still holding her close they make their way over to the wall followed closely by her friends and a few more Dauntless born.

Eric and Savannah are the only transfers in the first car.

They all seem to know to give the two their privacy but they also form a circle around the couple. Trying to give them as much space still while keeping them from view as much as possible.

Eric's back is to the group and he is standing in front of Lilah as she leans against the wall. Her arms are around his waist with her head on his shoulder. They stay like this for long moments, just holding each other tightly until Eric pulls back and tilts her head up every so slightly.

"Lil's." He breathes her name out with a smile.

"Eric." Lilah matches his tone and smile but then pulls his head to hers. When their lips meet everything inside the train disappears but the two of them. They pull away from the kiss after long minutes and before it can become too passionate.

When Lilah next looks into Eric's eyes she frowned in worry of when she should say something to him.

Eric cups her cheek and sighs with a smile. "I am glad to finally be coming home to you two, Lilah. Both of you have been on my mind almost every minute of everyday." He strokes his thumb across her cheek and frowns at her gasp.

"You know?" Lilah asks confused.

Eric looks at her nodding then turns his head slightly to her brother. She follows his eyes and holds Tobi's eyes. He smiles sadly at her and with apology. "Dad said that I shouldn't tell you that I found a way to tell Eric until we knew for sure that he understood the message. It wasn't like I could or was going to walk up and ask him if he did or not."

Lilah looked about ready to chew him out or say something else but Eric shook his head and stopped her. "It's ok Lil's. It was probably for the best anyways that it wasn't discussed. I get their worry baby. Until they knew if I was really coming home they wouldn't want to tell you that I knew."

"Can you forgive me Eric? I wanted to tell you from the moment I knew but things were so…." Eric stops her by kissing her gently.

"There's nothing to forgive Lilah. We can talk about all of that later but I can already tell you I don't blame you baby. I can't wait to meet him though." He finished the last part nervously and Lilah smiled then cupped his cheek.

"He can't wait to meet you either. He will be at the lunch celebration and then we should all have the rest of the day off. I already talked to Mom and Dad and you are welcome to come spend time with us at home." Now it is Lilah's turn to speak nervously.

Eric grins and nods. "I would like that."

He moves them so that his back is against the wall and her back is against his chest so they can face her friends. He is introduced formally to Zeke, Shauna, and Hector while Savannah is introduced to them all as well.

The rest of the train ride is spent talking to the two transfers about what they might be able to expect.

"How is that going to work with Gunnar?" Savannah asks with a frown and knowing that it was already tearing her friend up to have to sleep separately from her son.

Tobi smiles and pats his sister's shoulder. "It will be fine. Max and Harrison have it worked out so that after training until lights out she can spend with him and then on off days she can spend the night at home. Mom will be taking care of him during the day and they are also taking him to play groups now. Of course he will be making the required appearances at lunch and possibly dinner. There might be riots if he doesn't." Tobi says with a laugh and all the Dauntless borns along with Lilah laugh.

Savannah looks amused but confused and Eric tenses his arms around Lilah a little. "Why would there be riots?" Savannah asks with a smile.

"Because Gunnar quickly became a favorite among the senior members and leaders. I started training about a month after he was born…."

Tobi scoffed and rolled his eyes. "That was when she started training in the gym. I walked in and caught her doing cardio and other exercises right there in her room five days after she gave birth. She was supposed to still be resting and hardly working out but that wasn't in Lilah's vocabulary."

Lilah scowled at her brother as she felt Eric brush his lips against her temple and felt the smirk on his lips. "I was on bed rest for almost three months Tobi. I had had enough rest. Anyways, as I was saying. I was allowed to start training with Amar about a month after I had Gunnar but I was only allowed to do it three days a week. We got a routine down that Mom would bring him down for lunches and dinners in the dining hall. At the beginning though I would work out with him in his baby carrier strapped to me since I was put on doing only leg workouts or walks on the treadmill."

Shauna laughed at Eric and Savannah's faces. Eric was torn between proud as hell and worried while Savannah's mouth was hanging open. "You should have seen it first hand. The guys that frequented the gym were all hovering near her, ready to step in if anything should happen. Always offering to hold him so she could do this or that workout. Same during lunches and dinners. There is always a bidding war on who gets their turn in holding him so Lilah or Angel can eat. Even if they are perfectly capable of caring for him and feeding themselves."

Tobi shot a worried and sympathetic look Eric. He was taking this being supportive thing to heart and going to try and extend the olive branch. He still didn't fully trust him or like him but he needed to try for his family's sake.

"We can try and run interference for you man but I have to say not even blood seems to matter. I can't tell you how many times I saw Max pull rank over Dad so he could have his turn. So not even Grandpa gets away with claiming the blood claim." Tobi tries to lighten his tone so hopefully it helps to lessen the tension that he sees building in Eric.

Why he felt angry at the thought of all those men having some kind of bond with his son he couldn't understand fully. He wasn't angry at them or Lilah even. The blame all went back to his family from making it necessary for him to stay away. Harrison had warned him that Gunnar was popular he just hadn't really understood what that meant or how he would feel.

He felt Lilah's hands cover his arms around her waist and she squeezed. "Well they will listen to me when I tell them to back off." Her chin raised and her back snapped into place.

Hector, Zeke and Tobi all backed up a little at that tone and her eyes causing Eric to chuckle a little. "You wouldn't be laughing man if you saw what our Lilah here can do when it comes to her son and family. She doesn't play." Zeke says shaking his head and a serious look on his face.

Eric shrugs and smirks. "I may not have seen her lately but I have seen Lil's fight before. I know what she is capable of and I have to say I am pleased as shit about it. Because of that she is here and so is my son."

Lilah feels a rush of pleasure and relief at hearing him say those words. She had still been worried about his reaction but it was lessening with every passing second.

Shauna and Savannah gave Eric approving looks at the honesty of his words but also the look of happiness in Lilah's eyes.

Lilah's attention was caught by something and she looks to her Eric and Savannah. "Guys get ready. It's time to jump."

As she spoke the command of get ready was called by a Dauntless member and people started to line up.

Savannah sighs and shakes her head with a chuckle. "Of course we are."

Tobi swallows and nods. "I hate this part." He grumbles and moves in front of Lilah and Eric.

When it comes to their turn Eric takes Lilah's hand but follows her lead on stance and what she means to do. The rush is amazing but the landing was less than graceful for him. He slid around for a second on the gravel while Lilah just moved closer to him as she walked off the momentum smiling.

They had let go of each other's hands mid jump but he quickly took it again after he gained his balance. He shook his head and playfully elbowed her while she was chuckling.

"Not a word Lil's. I didn't exactly expect to be jumping onto roofs from the train so didn't practice that." Eric muttered as she moved them to the front.

"I won't tell a soul and I was really only allowed to practice that over the last three months. It required me leaving the compound and Max and Harrison weren't willing to let me go unless I had a few guards with me." Lilah informs him and grumbles that out.

She had hated all the fuss that had been made over her he could tell but he had one more reason to thank and respect the two men that had quickly become mentors to him. It also was just another affirmation that he chose correctly on who to place his trust in to keep his family safe.

He squeezed her hand as they stopped at the other side of the roof where everyone was gathering. Standing on the ledge was one of the those men. He flashed a brief smile at Lilah before he wiped it away and became the hardened Senior Leader of the faction once more.

"That's Max our Senior Leader and beside him is Victoria another leader." Lilah said quietly too Eric.

Eric nodded with a smile. "I know who Max is and I was vaguely aware of Victoria's name but only from the faction history I read it in."

Lilah turned her head with a frown. "Have you met him before?"

Eric chews on his lip in thought and nods. "Yeah a few times. We can talk about that later Lilah."

Lilah narrows her eyes and looks into his searchingly. He holds hers with his own and like they have always been able to do he communicated simply that yes it is important and dangerous. With a sigh and nod she turned back to face forward.

They were both hoping that sometime tonight they would get some time to be able to talk and spend alone with each other and Gunnar. There was so much that needed to be discussed and yet Eric was hesitant to share too much. Those worries from the night before stirred to life but he had no time to dwell on them.

Seeing that there were no more jumpers, Max began to address the group of new initiates.

"Everyone listen up! You have all chosen to become a part of the Dauntless faction today and faced up to the first of your tests. You have made it this far but you still have a ways to go. For those of you that don't know who I am, my name is Max and I am the Senior Leader of Dauntless. Beside me is another of your leaders, Victoria. Throughout your training we are going to push you to every limit you have and this next step is no different. You made to the roof of your new home but now you have to make your way in. Behind me is the only entrance you are being offered as a way in. To get into your new home you will stand on this ledge and jump. If you truly belong then you will do so willingly. If you don't then you don't belong in my faction." Max's voice booms out over the gathered group with a small smirk on his face.

Lilah starts to rock back and forth on her feet with a smile and is just waiting for them to call for the first jumper. She casts a look at Tobi, who is white with thinned lips, and she gives him a pointed look that he needs to push his fear aside and do this.

He gives her a firm nod and they both turn back to Max.

Around them questions are being thrown at Max and he dismisses them or gives vague answers until he finally decides to shut the questions down.

"Enough. You were given directions and an order. You need to learn here and now that when you are given an order you follow it. This isn't a game and lives are on the line when we do give orders. Who will be my first jumper?"

Before Lilah can even open her mouth she knows by the way he squeezes her hand and the smirk on his face. "I'll go." Eric calls out and chuckles at Lilah's half teasing and half serious glare.

Max nods and represses his own chuckle at Lilah's face but already knows she will be going next. In fact when Eric moves to the ledge he is still holding her hand and only drops it when he goes to climb onto the ledge. He looks back to Lilah who smirks at him and waves her hand in a shooing manner. "See you soon." He says then steps off the ledge and falls through the dark hole.

Eric didn't know what exactly he was expecting but a net wasn't it really. Not that he was complaining. The net tilted and a hand was offered out to him by a man that had to be around the same age as Max and Harrison with russet skin and auburn hair.

He took the hand and jumped down from the net to stand next to him. "What's your name initiate?"

"Eric."

The man' eyes flashed with recognition at the name and he nodded. Eric noted the slightly thinned lips and slight tenseness of his body. "Well welcome to Dauntless, Eric. I know there is someone that has waited a while to meet you. That will have to wait though. If you could move over there beside Lex near the board to wait for everyone else."

Amar motioned to where he was to stand and then called out the first jumper's name. "First jumper, Eric!" He yelled and then cheers and claps sounded in welcome.

It didn't take long for Lilah to follow him and Eric tried not to frown as the man at the net grabbed her from the net then hugged her briefly before he said something to her. They both looked in his direction and Lilah smiled in his direction before she replied with a nod and then moved over as the man called her name as second jumper.

"Wasn't that amazing?" Lilah asked giddily and laughed when Eric pulled her closer with his own smile.

"It was something." Eric agreed. It had been a rush even if he didn't like the aspect of not knowing what was down the hole. Which had been the whole point.

"You got to meet Amar. He will be training the transfers although with the group being small they might try and combine the two." Lilah thought outloud.

"Makes sense seeing as how there are only five of us." As they stood waiting Eric had the thought of wondering if they would be staying in the same dorm. Now that he was actually here the thoughts of where they would be sleeping, how they wanted to approach things with them, what she wanted after initiation all flooded him.

"Hey." Lilah called for his attention with a frown on her face. "Are you ok?"

Eric smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah I just got hit with a million thoughts at once I guess. I had been so focused on just getting here and to you that I didn't think about other things."

It took a moment to figure out what he could be thinking about so intently but then she put his blush together with what could be going along with it. She blushed as well and shrugged.

"Well we can talk about that later if you want. I am just glad you are here Eric." She sighed the last part out happily.

Savannah was the next one to jump and Eric pulled Lilah closer as he replied and they waited. "Me too baby. It felt too long in coming but I am glad to be home with you too."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you all so very much for sticking with me and all of the feedback! I am always striving to write the best chapters that can add to the story and with all of you in mind. Your feedback or just seeing that there are people reading my crazy ramblings truly drives me.**

 **Sleep1177, you already know I couldn't have pushed through this last few weeks without you and your encouragement. Thanks for helping to keep my Eric moments to a minimum. I have only played Prodigy while spinning my knife a handful of times in the last two weeks...so that is progress. ;)**

 **Damn You Kylie...seriously thanks for the chats in the wee hours of my night and morning. Gotta love that time difference thing!**

 **As always thanks for all the views, reviews, follows and favorites. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and hopefully there will be more to follow soon.**

 **Chapter 11**

When all of the initiates were down they were called to attention by Amar.

"Listen up everyone! We are going to be heading out in a few minutes to take a tour of the compound, show you to your dorm and get you equipped. For the Dauntless born you don't need the tour so if you would go to your homes and grab your approved gear that you should have already packed and return to the dorms. Once we have finished the tour we will be all meeting in the dorm that was prepared where the transfers will then get changed and we will head out to the lunch celebration. If you haven't figured it out already, you will be training together. We don't have a large group of transfers and it would be a waste to have separate classes. We are going to expect more from you because you will not be shown any slack. That goes for my Dauntless born too. As of right now you aren't Dauntless born and transfer. You are all initiates. When we get to The Pit, go ahead and head to your homes grab your gear and head to the dorms that are set up for all of our initiates."

Lilah and Eric exchanged looks at this. Relieved but also worried about how this was going to work in the dorm. Each both knew what they wanted, what they wanted more than anything but they weren't sure that was what the other wanted. Or if they did what would the others say about it?

As the thoughts were flooding them they both saw them as they passed through their eyes and felt relief.

Lilah bit her lip in thought as they held hands and walked. "Maybe beds beside each other to start?" She asked this blushing but they both knew that it would just be for show.

Eric smiled and nodded with his own ears going red. "Yeah, that sounds good."

He squeezed her hand just before she parted with Tobi and the others. "See you soon Eric." She said reassuringly, but whether to reassure herself or him wasn't clear.

It was probably a bit of both. He nodded to her before Shauna linked her arm with Lilah's. It surprised him when Tobi nodded to him, as if to reassure him she would be ok. He gave a nod back and then followed along with the tour.

"Are you nervous?" Savannah asked as she walked beside Eric.

He cast eyes to her and ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I would be lying if I said no."

Savannah nodded and shrugged. "She would tell him about you even when she was still pregnant. She made up this whole bed time tale about you. She said she was going to tell him it every night until you could be there to tell him one yourself."

She wasn't sure why she was telling him that other than she had seen his face when how the other men in Dauntless had bonded with Gunnar. It wasn't his fault that he had to be kept away and had to keep away. She could accept that.

Everything else she would take as time went on and see how he was with Lilah and Gunnar.

Lilah practically ran to the apartment along with Tobi. Not only to hurry to get back to the dorm but because she needed to see Gunnar. To tell him his daddy was finally home.

Tobi was cursing as she blurred past corridors, running along the edges sometimes so close that one misstep and she would have gone right over.

She burst through the door, smile spread across her face as she took in the room. Finding Gunnar on the floor with his toys spread around him and gumming on a teething biscuit she laughed and rushed over to him.

"Daddy's home baby!" She laughed out as she scooped her son up and he squealed in delight.

Angel watched from her spot on the couch and smiled happily for her daughter and grandson. Tobi shook his head with a laugh and went to go grab his bag from his old room but then also Lilah's.

He came back into the living room with a smirk but also internally frowning.

"You put Gunnar's crib in my old room?" Tobi asked as he plopped down beside Lilah then smiled wide when his nephew launched himself from her arms to him.

Lilah looked to Angel and frowned in question but Angel just shrugged with a smile.

"There is still the playpen in your room but we are turning that into Gunnar's room for now. We though you might want a little privacy when….." she stopped and started laughing at the redness that was blooming over Lilah's face.

She might be red but she was also happy that not only were her adopted parents trying to give her the space she needed with Eric but that they accepted him even.

"So does this mean that he can…." she trailed off and Angel nodded.

"Harrison approached Max and asked if Eric could be allowed the same rights with Gunnar as you have. He can be with him as soon as training ends until lights out and then on off days he can spend here if he would like." Angel fought back the tears when she saw Lilah doing the same.

She knew how much this meant to Lilah. Not just having Eric with her and Gunnar but more than anything it was and is the love and support that she is getting from her family.

"Thank you Mom." Lilah whispered after she had moved to her mother and let herself be wrapped in her arms.

"There is nothing to thank us for Lilah. This is what family, but more importantly, parents do." She pulled back and looked into her daughter's eyes, smiling. Then she laughed at a thought. "Although your father hadn't meant for him to be sleeping in the same room with you. It took some coaxing on my part and only then did he agree after grumbling something about cleaning his guns."

Lilah and Tobi joined in the laughter but Tobi was turning as red as Lilah. He shook his head and looked at the time with a sigh.

"We need to hurry down to the dorm Lilah." He stood and grabbed both their bags.

With a nod Lilah kissed her son and chuckled when he grinned showing his two front teeth. "Mommy will see you soon at lunch and then you can finally meet daddy in person baby."

"I am going to be heading down there soon. Your father and Max are walking me there personally." She said while rolling her eyes with a smile.

With last goodbyes the two siblings set out, Lilah going breakneck speeds again but slowed down when two senior members that knew her and Gunnar got pissed when she almost tipped over.

Then she had her own little personal escort to the dorms. They left her with scowls and muttering under their breath about telling Amar.

Lilah's eyes had gone wide but couldn't even object before they went in search of the tough instructor.

"Well someone is going to have extra laps or something tomorrow." Zeke laughed as he plopped a bag on a bed then collapsed onto it.

"Shut it Zeke or I will find a way to make sure you join me." Lilah threatened then looked over the beds nervously.

He was trying to be ok with this, but she was his sister and Tobi just did not want to look over to see her sleeping with a guy. No matter that logically he knew it had already happened to have produced his nephew. He was just going to have to find a way to get over it though because it was going to happen whether he liked it or not.

Part of his problem was solved when Shauna called over to Lilah softly. "Hey Lilah there are two beds over here in the corner. They are kind of private I guess. As private as you can get in here." She shrugged with a smirk at her friends blush.

Lilah nodded and smile. "Thanks, we can take those."

"Just keep the noises to a minimum would you!" Jack, a Dauntless born called with a laugh and a wink to Lilah.

Tobi sighed at the joke but also the fact that he saw a potential problem there with Jack. He had almost forgotten about the guy in all the fuss and worry over the last few days.

Jack had a major crush on his sister and he just hoped he could keep his comments, eyes and hands to himself. Not just Eric would take issues with it if he didn't.

The tour was just getting to the Chasm when two senior members stalked up to Amar with scowls on their faces. One began to gesture as he was telling Amar something.

None of the transfers could hear what they were saying but whatever it was had Amar's face transforming into something that instantly inspired fear.

"She did what?" Amar growled out loud enough for it to drift to Savannah and Eric who were at the front of the tour.

Instantly the two of them went tense. They was good fucking chance they knew exactly who had caused that reaction in the Instructor. They men got through telling whatever story they were relaying to Amar.

He could only growl internally and shake his head. He imagined that she was excited and he knew she would never be like that with Gunnar with her. The way they explained things though she had been seconds from her death.

That may or may not have been exaggerated and he would need to wait to ask Tobi. He would tell him the truth at least.

He thanked and dismissed Willis and Hank then turned back to the group. He saw Eric's face and could only sigh. At least they were done with the damn tour. Without another word he led the group straight to the dorms.

As soon as he entered his eyes zeroed in on Lilah and sure enough she was looking guilty. "We will be talking after lunch Lilah Johnson." He barked out then moved further in the room.

"These are your dorms for your time during initiation. Unless you have prior permission or authorization from leadership or myself you will sleep here and only here. Today after the lunch celebration you the day off. Lights out on off days is 2400 which is midnight for those not familiar with military time. You will want to learn that and quickly because we go by military time here. There are watches sold in the commissary that are calibrated and read military time on a digital display. I would highly suggest you pick one of those up. You will notice clothes on this table. These are your starter clothes and you can pick up more tonight with the points you are assigned for purchases you want or need to make throughout the compound. Use those points wisely, they will be all you are getting until you get your job assignments and make full membership. Pick out one of each kind of outfit on your sizes. Change quickly then take your old faction clothes with you to burn in the bin we passed on the way in. After that make your way to the dining hall. Remember training will start at 0800 tomorrow morning and I expect everyone to be on time. I show no slack when it comes to Dauntless born or transfers about being on time."

With that he moved across the room to Tobi while Lilah motioned with her head to Eric indicating where she had put them to sleep.

He nodded with his lips thinned slightly, still wondering what the hell she had done in the short time she had been out of his sight. He moved quickly to pick out as close to the sizes as he could get and then over to the beds she had picked out.

"You want to tell me what exactly you did that caused two pissed off Dauntless to hunt down our instructor?" Eric got out in a low tone as he dropped the clothes on the bed and pulled her closer to him.

Lilah rolled her eyes with a sigh. "It wasn't like I was _trying_ to kill myself. I just got excited and ran too close to the edge of a pathway on the way to the dorms."

Eric's mind was casting to why that was a big deal but as he remembered how all of the pathways were set up his scowl deepened. "Well no more of that shit Lilah. You won't get anywhere if you are dead dammit."

Lilah moved closer and wrapped her arms around his waist. "It was stupid and I know it. Believe me I will be feeling the pain for it tomorrow. Amar will not let me get away with that even if I wasn't doing it on purpose."

Eric's arms went around Lilah and he sighed as he smirked a little. She hadn't changed a bit in some respects and he was glad about it but also it worried him. He hadn't been lying when he once said her middle name was trouble. They both had something more to put ahead of themselves and that need for the rush some of those daring acts brought on though.

"Just promise me to keep the adrenaline stunts to a minimum and not when I am not there either, please Lil's." He tone was soft as he pushed her back to hold her eyes.

Her dimples appeared with her smile and she nodded. "I will be honest I am rather boring now. Although Dad and Mom have forced me to go out occasionally I prefer to spend time with our son."

Eric shrugged with a smirk. "I highly doubt you could ever be considered boring at any time baby. I can't say I am much better though. If I wasn't training or doing…..other things related to coming here I stayed to myself. I would have much preferred to be right there with you both though."

"Well now you can be." Lilah said softly and with the smile still place. "You need to get changed though so we can finally introduce you to him."

Eric kissed her briefly before he pulled away with a nod. Lilah wasn't sure at first if she should stay or let him change but that was solved when she was called over by Amar to where Tobi was standing with a smile on his lips.

"Well, time to go face the music." She muttered then walked off leaving Eric to change and trying not to be disappointed she didn't get to see it.

When she got over to Amar he quirked an eyebrow at her and shook his head. "You got lucky your brother was able to convince me Willis and Hank were exaggerating a bit on how close you came to going over the fucking edge Lilah. So I will limit your punishment to twenty extra laps and you will be one of the demonstrators during the sparring for the second half of the day when we get to the physical portion."

Lilah groaned at the laps part but then pushed that down at Amar's look to her. She nodded respectfully and accepted her punishment. It was rather lenient considering this was Amar. She wondered who she would be going against though. It would most likely be one of the Dauntless born.

Apparently Eric had changed quickly and had made his way over. She felt his arms go around her waist and she looked over her shoulder at him. She couldn't help the smile that came over her face when she saw him in black. He winked at her and smiled back.

"I will need to pick up some more clothes. These are a bit….tighter than I am used to." He said a bit uncomfortably as he adjusted the pants a little.

Amar chuckled and shook his head. "That is about how they are supposed to fit. You get used to it eventually I am told. It isn't a bad idea to pick up more clothes regardless. We will be working your asses hard and that can make it unpleasant to keep wearing the same clothes over again."

Eric nodded respectfully. "I am sure I can make it to one of the stores sometime tonight or tomorrow maybe."

Lilah was going to respond that they could go after lunch when she spied Max and Harrison coming into the dorm. It had been emptying out so really only her friends were there along with Amar and Tobi.

"Max, Harrison. What brings you guys to the dorms?" Amar asked with a worried look on his face.

"We wanted to have a word with Lilah and Eric if we could Amar. Everyone else can go ahead and head to the dining hall." Max said this as an order not a request really.

Tobi gave Lilah a worried look as did Savannah but they along with the rest of the group made their way out of the dorm. This left only Amar, Harrison and Max with them now.

Harrison smiled at Lilah reassuringly now that the room was clear. "It isn't anything bad. I know your mother told you about what we worked out for you both but we wanted to let Eric know in person but also we needed to let Amar know as he is the lead trainer for the transfers."

Lilah nodded happily and she felt Eric relax a little. Max looked between the two and smiled. "Harrison approached me in your stead Eric to request the same rights that Lilah has in regards to being able to spend time and care for your son. I felt it only fair. So the same arrangement will stand for you as her if you want. You can spend off days with him, with the permission of Angel and Harrison. After training you can spend with him until lights out then you will need to be back in the dorms within the hour after lights out at the latest."

Eric got quiet and speechless. He left Lilah squeeze his arms in comfort knowing he was fighting being to affected or emotional about this. He finally cleared his throat and nodded. "Thank you…" He stopped and took a deep breath. "Thank you both for that….and just everything."

He managed to get out. Harrison nodded and clapped a hand on his shoulder then motioned with his head for the young man to step aside with him. Now Lilah was tensing when the two of them moved a distance away.

Max chuckled with a smirk as he looked over at the two and then back to Lilah. "He is just giving Eric some words of wisdom." He said knowingly. He knew he was really giving Eric a not so subtle message that he expected that if they were giving him this chance he use it for the purpose it was meant for and not to be running around.

Neither man really thought that Eric would but this was Harrison's daughter in every respect that mattered and Max was rather fond of her as well. He was and felt like an Uncle to the two former Eaton's as well as Gunnar.

Lilah bit her lip and looked over to see Eric blushing a little but looking serious as he was saying something to her father.

"I completely understand, Sir. You want only what is best for Lilah and Gunnar and words can't express how much I appreciate that and everything you, Max and everyone else here has done for my family. I want you to know that…" Eric paused and tilted his head in thought of how to phrase this. "It was never just going to be a passing phase or some kind of young romance with Lilah and I. Even had Gunnar not come along as he did I would still be standing here feeling the same way. They are my family in every way that matters to me. I already look at Lilah as my partner. I am just…" Eric trailed off and shrug.

Harrison smiled and nodded. "You aren't sure if she wants that and so soon?"

Eric nodded worriedly as his eyes moved over to Lilah talking with Max and Amar. "I know we both want that eventually, or we did before everything happened. I don't know if the events have changed things for her but they have for me. Not in that I don't want them, I do. I just don't want to wait for them. Maybe I never did really want to wait."

Why he felt he could be this open with her adoptive father he couldn't say. But he needed to be because this was a big decision for them both.

Harrison nodded in thought. "I can't speak for her but I am sure you will find that you are more in line of thought than you think. There is no rush though. You just got here, so take the time to spend together. You are welcome to stay at the apartment." He Harrison got embarrassed and grumbled a little. "You will be sharing the room with Lilah per her mother's insistence."

Eric started blushing and tried to repress the pleasure that he felt in the presence of Harrison at the thought of having real alone time with Lilah. He nodded through his blush and kept his face serious as he assured the man he hoped to one day call his father-in-law.

"I promise you that nothing has ever or will ever happen that she doesn't want and I would always be respectful of your house and rules. And not just because Lilah couldn't kick my ass in a heartbeat if I didn't do all of that." He added with a little smirk to lighten the mood.

Harrison let out a little laugh and nodded. "You got that right. Well, it is time to get to the lunch but first….." He motioned for Lilah to join them again and then looked to the dorm door. "Angel, come on in."

Lilah's eyes instantly went to where her mother was walking in with her son. Eric grasped her hand instantly as he caught the first sight of his son. His eyes went wide and he was fighting like hell with the tears that were starting to burn his eyes.

"We thought you two could have a few private moments for this, rather than in front the entire Dauntless population." Harrison said but moved towards the door with Max and Amar.

"We still expect you there in a few minutes and you will be sitting at our table." Max called over his shoulder. Damn if he wasn't going to get at least some time with his nephew.

Angel handed Gunnar over to Lilah with a smile and tears in her own eyes. She kissed Lilah's cheek and smiled at Eric before she moved away quickly.

Gunnar was squealing out his gurgled. "Mama," as his hands went to the hair that was draped over her shoulder.

Eric lost the ability to breath for a moment. He could only stare at his son in wonder and joy. He was even more beautiful and perfect than any pictures could do justice to.

Lilah looked to Eric with the question in her eyes of if he wanted to hold him. Eric nodded through the tears that were now pooling in his eyes. He wiped his hands on the rough material of his pants after they had suddenly become sweaty, then he reached out to take his son in his arms for the first time.

He was heavier than he thought, solid even. He could only chuckle internally at the thought and the smile that graced his chubby little face. Blue eyes, so like his mothers with the exception of a ring of grey that circled the azure.

"Eric, this is your son. Gunnar Michael Coulter." She said reverently and as if she had practiced this phrase many times over. Which she had every night since she found out she was pregnant she had dreamed of this.

Eric laughed few tears spilled over. "He has my middle and last name? Gods you are beautiful baby boy." Gunnar had reached up a hand to put in Eric's mouth as if he was just as fascinated with the man holding him as the man was with him.

Lilah was crying quietly as she nodded and moved closer to take one of Gunnar's hands in her own. "I needed and wanted to make sure he knew who he came from and that he was wanted, by both of us. You couldn't be here with us physically Eric but I always made sure you were with us in any way I could."

Eric finally drug his eyes away from his son to focus on Lilah and he reached out one arm to pull her closer by the waist. "I love you Lilah. I have loved you from the moment we met and it has killed me to be apart from you. From you both. Nothing will keep me from either of you again though baby. I promise you that, promise you both this."

Lilah nodded as the tears streamed down her face. "I love you to Eric, from the moment we met."

He didn't have to lean far to claim a kiss from her. They broke away laughing through tears when Gunnar made a noise before he pressed his slobbery face against Eric's chin as if he was trying to gnaw on it.

When he pulled away he moved a hand from Lilah's waist to go behind his son's head and cradle it as he pressed kisses to the tiny forehead. He inhaled the scent of his son and smiled against the soft skin and head full of soft brown curls.

The young family stood there like that for long minutes while Eric talked to his son in soft voice and laughing as Gunnar gurgled things back. He was able to make out 'uh oh', 'mama' and when Lilah mentioned they needed to head to lunch Gunnar squeaked out "Nummy!" and clapped his chubby hands together.

Lilah laughed and shook her head as she looked at Eric's amused but confused expression. "That is his indication he wants food. Nummy refers to eating for him. I have been teaching him sign language since he was old enough to learn it so he uses the simple gestures for specifics."

Eric's beamed at his son as he looked at him. "Can you do milk for Daddy Gunnar?"

At the word milk Gunnar's eyes perked up and his hands moved automatically to that sign. Eric's smile couldn't get any wider in pride. He was radiating it. He was also a little sad but he pushed that away. He couldn't help what he had missed but he could make sure he didn't miss anymore.

"Good job buddy." Eric exclaimed softly. "Let's go get you that milk and nummies then." He turned as Lilah linked her arm through the one that was making sure Eric had a secure hold on the wriggling boy.

Lilah couldn't help how full and complete her heart felt. The two walked slowly because Eric was being more careful than he would if it were just him. He also knew there was no way he was going to let someone take his son from his arms at least for a little while. He didn't care what rank they had. Lilah was laughing as she saw this pass over in his eyes. They walked into the dining hall in this manner. With Gunnar in Eric's arms, Lilah laughing and Eric smirking with pride at his son who was showing him all of the signs he knew. Milk and nummies being the most frequent one being signed and word being shouted.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I am so sorry it is taking me forever to update and finish stories guys. I just started a 12 weeks of hell program...self inflected yes but still hell...and it is kicking my butt. Literally at times lol, or at least my trainer is. As a result at times I am barely lucid or not hurting. It is getting better though and because of that you get a chapter! YAY!**

 **Just need to give a shout out to sleepy1177 and Damn You Kylie. Thanks for letting me know it is ok to take this me time to get my body and shite together. Sis, you already know what your encouragement means to me. We also need to do another Jai movie marathon night...tacos and wine FTW. We never did get to break open Terminator Genesis.**

 **Damn You Kylie...all I have to say it...anytime you want to commence Operation Anti-Amity, I will find a way to get my happy butt there and we will go black ops on it!**

 **And now back to your regularly scheduled program!**

 **Chapter 12**

Eric looked on at his son sitting in his lap absolutely destroying the food that Lilah had put on his plate for Gunnar to eat off of. His chubby little fingers mashing food into his mouth making his cheeks look like chipmunks. It was amusing and fascinating to watch him eating real food along with everyone else.

He had been told that apparently when they all ate together Gunnar had moved past wanting to eat any kind of baby food. So they had to give him grownup food made safe for his few teeth and smaller bites.

"Does he always eat this much?" Eric asked after taking a bite of his own food before helping Gunnar reach more on their shared plate.

Harrison snorts and nods. "Oh yeah. Once he he is done with your plate he will move around the table to others to search for more goodies. It is really only lunch he eats such a big meal though. As you can see he is a really active baby."

That was understatement. Even when he was sitting still he was doing something. With his hands or talking, sometimes just looking around and taking things in. Eric caught him watching his mouth a few times and mimicked a movement for a word he was saying with his perfect little lips all puffed out in concentration.

He wasn't really eating much because he was so fascinated with watching his son but also being close to Lilah again. Being close to her like this without having to look over their shoulders, although he knew that worry wouldn't ever go away. Not until they were able to bring down those that threatened his family. His hand found Lilah's as the thought and worry passed over his mind. He smiled over to her when she pressed herself even closer.

She was going to offer to take Gunnar from him when she saw he wasn't eating really but she saw that it wasn't because he couldn't. He was just caught up in everything that their son was doing. She smiled back at him as they sat pressed close with their son as he started to move between the two of them. Soon Gunnar had gotten tired of sitting in one place for too long and started to make his rounds. Starting with Max who got a big grin.

Eric wrapped his arm around Lilah's waist and watched it all. He thought he might be a little more upset about seeing Gunnar showing obvious affection to other men but he didn't get as upset as he imagined. It would take time, he knew, for Gunnar to recognize him as his father. But the biggest worry, that he would reject him or not want to be around him, was blown out of the water by his son's instant fascination and affection to him.

So the rest of the lunch celebration was spent listening to the leaders or senior members, watching them with Gunnar and holding Lilah close. When it was time to go Angel and Harrison had shooed the two off to go with their friends to get shopping done for Eric but said they would have Gunnar at the apartment until then.

Lilah smiled at them gratefully but could also tell Eric was truly torn. She took his hand and squeezed. "We can just get your things and head straight there Eric. We don't need to hang out with the others and they will understand anyways."

Eric nodded with a smile to her as they made their way out of the dining hall. Savannah had sat with Lilah's Dauntless friends and Tobi instead of with the other transfers. She smiled over at Lilah and understood that for the first few days this was going to be a time for her to get to know Eric again or...at last. But also for him to get to know and be with his son.

So when the two of them split off from the main group they weren't surprised. Lilah led Eric to the shops she knew he would want to go to first.

"Eric." Lilah started out nervously and shyly as he moved through the different racks of clothing. He looked over to her worriedly.

"Yeah Lil's?" He had some clothes already draped over his arm but the free one he reached out for her hand and pulled her closer.

"Are you….do you want to stay with us on the off days?" She hadn't asked but just assumed he would and for some reason she was worried that was the wrong way to go about things with them.

Eric's forehead furrowed in worry but also was blushing as he pulled her even closer. "Of course I do Lilah. Unless you don't want…"

Lilah shook her head to interrupt him "No. I want you too I just...I didn't ask, just assumed you would. I just think that we need to make sure we are…" She paused searching for the way to put it.

"That we are open with each other?" Eric supplied his own thoughts and worries in answer.

Lilah smiled gratefully and nodded. "I know what I want and have always wanted Eric but I think we need to be able to talk about these things."

Eric nodded and cupped her cheek. "I don't ever want us to have to hide ourselves or things from each other Lilah. I don't want things to be like that for us ever." Not after he had spent so much of his life and their time hiding. He wouldn't start their lives like that.

Lilah swallowed and nodded. There would be so much that she did need to talk to him about but it didn't need to be all at once. She didn't know that he was thinking the exact same thing. They both had things they were holding close for right now but knew they couldn't much longer. Their worries were that it would change how the other person saw them.

"I don't either. As far as you staying then maybe you should get a few things to leave there?" Lilah said the last part as casually as she could without turning a little red.

Eric chuckled and smiled. "That might be a smart idea. Well, let's make sure to pick up what you think I will need for there too. Are you sure I will have enough points for all of this?"

He had been informed by Lilah how the point system worked and how much he was given. Something seemed a little off and when he asked that question he saw her look away as if avoiding looking him in the eyes. He sighed and pulled her to face him. "Lilah you aren't…"

Lilah sighed and put her arms around his neck. "I am just making sure that you are taken care of. The same as you would and will do for us. It isn't anything kind of strain or burden Eric so get that out of your mind. I was given compensation for when I came here after Marcus passed and I barely spend any of it. I use it on Gunnar but he is taken care of right now until after training."

Eric held her eyes for a while as the debate raged in himself. Two parts were at war. The male protector part that was screaming at him that it was _his_ job to take care of her and his son not the other way around. Then there was the part that had never had another human being care for him the way Lilah did that was joyous and moved by such a simple gesture.

"It's what families do for each other, Eric. I never had that before coming here either. We will take care of each other and things like this.." she motions to the clothes on his arm "...they are such a small part of it or price to pay." Her eyes drew him in to show him the absolute truth of her words and how much being able to do this for and with him meant to her.

He sighed with a small smile but narrowed his eyes. "Fine Lil's but our first tattoos are on me."

She smirked widely at him. "How do you know I didn't get one already."

Eric shrugged with a smirk. "I don't know. I just know you would want to wait. Not just for initiation when you were here as more than a dependent finally, but also when we were together."

He had known but he had also wondered and worried. He wouldn't have been angry if she hadn't waited but he had hoped she would feel like he did about it.

Lilah leaned in to kiss him briefly before she pulled away with a smile. "You are right on both accounts of course. I couldn't have imagined doing that without you with me."

"Me either baby." He sighed as he looked over everything in his arm and let her guide him, with her own grimace and distaste for shopping, to the other areas. They moved quickly through getting things he would need. A bag to put it all in and then with a last stop at the commissary he was set. He had made one hurried selection that he pasted his emotionless mask on just to try and keep the embarrassment from showing.

Thankfully Lilah had been doing a little shopping for a few things of her own at that point and hadn't seen what he had ended up picking up. He wasn't going to assume anything was going to happen but he would rather be prepared than not.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After dropping off everything he wouldn't be taking with him to the apartment at the dorm, Lilah and Eric quickly made their way finally. Lilah was greeted by many people and Eric couldn't help but notice him being given looks, not all friendly.

In response, his face and stance had become one that he had been so used to wearing before. His glare resumed and he held himself as if he was just begging someone to fuck with him. He couldn't help it, it was just a natural response. Even with Lilah holding his hand. He had felt her tense slightly and looked over to her, hoping she wouldn't take offense to it. Hoping she wouldn't be disgusted by his demeanor but once again he was reminded why she was so fucking perfect for him.

She wasn't quite matching his look and demeanor. It wasn't a constant but when she caught a look cast in his direction she didn't like, she didn't hold back either. A small smirk came on his face in one instance when a particular person she turned the glare on turned white and physically started to shake.

Eric's chest rumbled a little with laughter. He was going to ask if there was a story behind that but she stopped him with a wink and shake of her head. He would remember though and ask later. When they made it to the apartment he could already hear the laughter of his son coming through the closed door. The glare and tensed body posture seemed to melt even before Lilah had the door all the way open.

They were greeted to the sight of Gunnar hanging on the side of the sectional couch as he toddled quickly along it, barely needing to hold on. His face broke out into a smile and he wasted no time moving along with Lilah to their sons side. Bag dropped at the door and forgotten.

Gunnar had looked up and squealed "Mama" as he caught sight of her. What had his breath catching in his throat though was after a moment's hesitation and the little toddlers eyes looking as if he was thinking hard he had broken into a small toothed smile and pointed to Eric. "Dada!"

The smile and tears that graced Eric's face couldn't be missed as he scooped Gunnar up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "That's right buddy. I am finally home for good."

Lilah had tears filling her eyes as she moved closer to Eric and Gunnar. Gunnar had immediately started grabbing and poking along Eric's face as he explored nose, mouth, ears and hair. It was something they had been teaching him to identify and he loved poking everyone else's features.

Eric looked to her with questioning eyes after he had exchanged kisses with Gunnar. "I was able to get a picture of you from the Erudite dependent class photos. I have been showing him that and telling him stories about you from the day he was born."

It wasn't what they would have wanted or dreamed of, for him to have been there all along, but it meant the world to Eric. With everything she had been through, fighting to keep alive herself, fighting to keep them both alive even well after she left the hell of her father's behind; she had still thought and wanted to make sure Eric was there.

Eric's face scrunched up a little as he was struggling to not break down with the strain he had felt at being separated from them for so long. "I should have…."

She didn't let him finish as she put her arms around him and the two sat holding each other with a squirming Gunnar in the middle.

When they pulled away they both finally noticed Harrison and Angel sitting on the other couch together. Harrison caught Eric's eyes and gave him a reassuring look. He couldn't say that even though he hadn't been here for Lilah and Gunnar he had been doing everything he could in the meantime. That would be up to Eric to finally tell Lilah when he felt ready. But as a man and now father, he wanted to let him know he understood.

He cleared his throat and smiled. "Your mother was wanting to know if you wanted her to break out the vids we have of Gunnar before it is his bath and bedtime. Personally I think she is the one wanting to watch them…..again." He smirked over at his wife who huffed and playfully smacked his arm.

Lilah grinned but looked to Eric who had his head tilted in question. "Mom made sure to get everything she could on vid recordings or pictures. Pretty much from the moment I stepped foot into Dauntless she captured everything. Even when I was as big as a damn whale and couldn't walk."

Angel laughed and shook her head. "You were still tiny and you shouldn't have been walking anyways."

Lilah scowled. "I was allowed per the doctors to take my fat ass to the bathroom by myself if I needed to. Not that any of you listened." She grumbled but she knew that by the time everyone was insisting on carrying her everywhere she was just trying to make sure Gunnar stayed put as long as possible. Everyone else was just doing the same as well.

Eric got quiet and worried. "Was it that bad Lilah?"

Lilah kissed his cheek and put Gunnar back on the floor to get rid of his energy before bath and bedtime. "I can tell you about that later if you want Eric but the important thing is he is here and healthier than I could have ever hoped or dreamed for."

Eric nodded but was still swamped with worry and guilt. "I would like to see them. Anything that you have I would love to see."

Harrison smirked when Angel beamed at the young man and started chuckling ruefully. "Oh Eric. You don't know what you have just unleashed on yourself."

Lilah and Harrison were laughing heartily as Angel had already popped up and headed to a cabinet and pulled out baskets of things. Lilah sighed and got up to start loading the vid files she knew her mother was going to start handing her. She had a smile on her face though as she went back to sit beside Eric. He pulled her to his side but then they both had to make room so that Angel could sit on his other side. Soon he was being shown photo albums as the vid files began to play.

Lilah hadn't lied about them starting as soon as they stepped foot into Dauntless. He got to see her first days and watch her slowly start to change before his eyes from the haunted sickly but always beautiful young girl to being more healthy. Her smiles and laughter became more easy although even then he could see that deep sadness lurking behind her eyes.

It happened mainly when her mother would focus on her talking to their son growing rapidly now that she wasn't having to fight for their existence. Angel had caught moments when Lilah was unaware she was filming. Where Lilah would be sitting on the balcony looking out at the city. He couldn't miss where her gaze was and where the balcony faced. Her gaze was always turned towards the tall Erudite tower that could clearly be seen in the distance.

Her voice more often than not in these moments was filled with sadness and love as she crooned some song to their son and slowly rubbed her belly. There was a big part of Eric that almost thought that in those moments she wasn't just singing to Gunnar but to him as well. As if she was hoping that her voice would carry along to him on the wind.

In fact, that was what she had been doing. Just as she had always included him in anyway she could concerning Gunnar, those moments made her feel connected to Eric in a small way. His hand had found hers as they watched the vids, squeezing or softly stroking her palm, knuckles or ring finger. Their eyes met often and held, once again sharing those messages they had always been able to send.

They were finally at Gunnar's birth and had just enough time to watch it before it would be time to head to dinner then get Gunnar settled for the night. It was hard for Eric to watch at first. Not just because he wasn't and should have been there but because of how much pain he could tell she was in and how worried everyone was.

He could see the absolute stress of even the midwife and Savannah and that alone told him how bad things most likely had been and could have gotten. The relief and joy that he mirrored in those that had been present at the actual birth wasn't lessened for him not having been there.

Tears were in his eyes as he laughed and pulled Lilah closer to him to kiss her, with pride, awe and joy shining through. He had been present at births in Erudite before. It was a learning experience his parents had made sure he gained from. None of those cold surgical procedures could hold a candle to this. This was his son being born and the fact that he could look and see that he was born in love, that even now he was surrounded by love, let him know that no matter how hard times might have been or would get….this was his home and family.

He might not have included them before during his efforts to bring down the plans of his aunt and her followers. His focus has solely been on Lilah and Gunnar. Looking around the room and on those vids though, he knew that had changed. They were all his family now, whether they currently saw him that way or not, it didn't matter to him. They had been there for Lilah and Gunnar….he would make damn sure that he could return that.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eric and Lilah were standing side by side at the kitchen island that had a huge sink and where Gunnar was currently splashing around him the water, squealing with laughter and occasionally saying "uh oh" with a mischievous smile on his face. That only happened when water 'accidentally' got on either of them.

Eric couldn't help laughing every time it happened, which just seemed to encourage the little boy. He was having trouble in being comfortable bathing Gunnar but he also refused to let Lilah take over. She stood by and helped hold Gunnar in a standing position to reach certain spots. Now though Eric was paused with a worried frown as he tried to figure out how best to approach washing his sons mop of curly hair. He couldn't help but wonder if babies were supposed to have that much hair and if it wouldn't be just easier to cut it off. He sensed that bringing that particular subject up would not go well with Lilah or Angel though.

Not after they had gone over the horror of cutting a lock of his hair for the baby book. He had a feeling Gunnar was going to be sporting long curly hair for as long as those two could make it for.

"Babe, it will be ok. The shampoo doesn't hurt if it gets in his eyes. It's safe." Lilah said with a smile and trying to keep the laughter from her voice with how meticulous and careful Eric was being as he rubbed the shampoo in little bits along their son's forehead.

"How do you know that? I mean, sure he might not scream or anything but how do we know it won't hurt him later on?" Eric grumbled as he scrunched up and continued to work. His plan wasn't working very well because Gunnar could not sit still long and kept jerking his head around.

Eric growled a little and then sighed. "Fine show me how this would work better. I swear if he starts crying though Lil's…." He trailed off, not liking the thought of Gunnar hurting for even a second.

Lilah kissed Eric's cheek and still held in the laughter. "It usually works if you lather it up just as you would your own hair. He has so much of it that it needs it anyways." Eric's eyes go over to her and she reads the feeling he has about how much hair Gunnar has, causing her to growl. "And if you value your skin you will wipe that thought from your mind right this instance Eric Michael Coulter. We aren't cutting his hair anytime soon. Maybe after he turns one we can see how much he has then but for now let my angel be."

There is laughter from Harrison behind them. Eric turns a little red but smiles at Lilah and follows her instructions. His smile widens when he notices that Gunnar does still when he starts working the shampoo in his hair in a massaging manner. In fact Gunnar's little body starts to relax.

"Well we know there is one thing he is the same way like his mama in." Eric says in a whisper close to Lilah's ear and chuckles when she blushes but smiles.

"At least there are some things of me in there. I swear it is like my uterus just made a copy of you and that is what I gave birth too." Lilah only half joked when she said this with a smile.

From the day he was born and every day that passes, Gunnar looks more and more like his father. There are the occasional hints of her there, in his eyes that have small traces of them both there. His hair is only slightly darker than Eric's and lighter than her own. Personality wise Gunnar seems to be them both. Her own energy but Eric's constant need for movement or to be involved with something. She might act put out that in looks he is so much more like his father but she had always loved it. It made her feel better that she truly had a piece of Eric, no matter what happened.

Eric gave a laugh and his eyes sparked with pleasure at how right she was but also at the fact that he saw her in their son too. It just wasn't as obvious but in every way just as meaningful.

It didn't take long for him to pick up on how she was describing how he needed to go about rinsing the shampoo from the hair, even if he was still nervous as shit about it. In the end Gunnar had only laughed after Eric had poured too much water and it had gone onto his son's face, causing him to look like he lost his breath for a moment. Which made Eric lose his own. It passed quickly because Gunnar only blinked, gasped and shook his head then broke into laughter.

Lilah broke into laughter at Eric's expelling of breath. "Alright, I think our baby boy is all clean for the night." She declared then held up a towel and quirked an eyebrow at Eric letting him know he needed to pick him up so they could wrap him up.

Eric took a nervous breath and looked at the wet, wriggling little boy in the sink and prayed he didn't drop him as he scooped him up and let Lilah wrap him in the towel. Once he was wrapped up he didn't even have to ask her for him back, she just smiled softly and put him back in Eric's arms.

Gunnar was already yawning because it was later than he normally went to bed but the little boy had been too full of energy as if he knew that this was an important day. He wasn't sure what to do but followed Lilah to the room that they had worked fast to make into Gunnar's room. There was a dresser that had some kind of padding on it that she told him to lay him down on. He felt ridiculous in how nervous he was in every step he was shown of what to do but he also refused to not do it. He had missed out on to damn much and there was no reason that he shouldn't do them now.

If anything he had observed during dinner when they had gone back down to the dining hall, was that even the most hardened of soldiers here believed in taking active roles in their children's lives. Even if that child wasn't theirs...they all looked out for them. Of course there were some men that didn't believe in that just like there were some women that didn't believe in having kids as a soldier. On the whole though those were the minority.

Even had he not witnessed that he would still be doing exactly as he was doing right now. Holding his son, newly bathed, lotioned, diapered and dressed; in his arms as he sat in an arm chair in his son's temporary room and read a story to him with Lilah sitting on the arm of the chair beside them.

It didn't take long for Gunnar to drift to sleep and Eric could only stare at him in wonder, filling his heart as it clenched with how much love he felt for his son. His little lips formed into a perfect o as he slept, the rise and fall of his chest with one arm flung up over his head. He was perfect in every way to him.

"This is what I dreamed about at night, Lil's. Things like this with you and Gunnar. It might sound stupid but I dreamed about doing these kinds of things. Coming home and helping get him to bed. Bathtime and storytime, hell even naptime. Being able to just help you and be here for you both." Eric said in a quiet rumble as he moved one arm to pull her closer to his side while still holding his son close.

Lilah smiled and refused to cry even if she felt almost overwhelmed with emotion and happiness. "It doesn't sound stupid, Eric. I imagined that myself a million times. Anytime something new happened with him, no matter how small, I thought of you and how I could almost feel you with us."

Eric sighs and looks over to her seriously. "When we have another baby Lilah, and we will when we are settled and ready, I want to be there for it all. Every moment big and small. I don't care what the fuck it is...I am going to be there. Just like from now on I will be here for everything with you two."

He was saying much more in that and she knew it because she had those thoughts herself. "I would like that Eric...not just about you being here but….."

Eric nodded with a sideways smile and a blush. "You wondered if I would want more children? Of course I do." He frowned when he thought about something. "But I need to know Lil's, how bad it got."

Lilah nodded and sighed. "Let's put him down and go talk in our room."

Both of their hearts stuttered slightly as she said that but both ended up with smiles after as well. Lilah placed a soft kiss to her son's forehead before Eric moved to lay him down in his crib. She turned on a night light that played soft music and had images of the planets and stars on it that moved along the ceiling. After he was settled, she grabbed Eric's hand and silently led him to what was now their room.

She had already taken his bag to the room to show him around earlier just before dinner. He hadn't unpacked yet but they hadn't had time for that really. Now that they were in the room for the night, after saying goodnight to her parents, she moved to sit on the edge of the bed while he went to put things away. Angel had made sure to make space for Eric before they had gotten back from shopping.

"What do you want to know?" Lilah asked softly as Eric organized his clothes first.

Eric held her eyes and let her know he needed to know everything. "Start with when the bastard was still around Lilah."

Lilah was silent for so long and looking down at her hands he was afraid he had said something wrong or that she wouldn't speak until she took a breath with a nod and looked to him again. "Eric, this might have to go in stages, me telling you. Not because I don't trust you or think you shouldn't know but….I haven't really talked about it fully with anyone. Not Tobi, Harrison or Angel. They all know the basics or parts but not all of it."

Eric nodded in understanding but he was already feeling the anger and grief building just from the haunted look in her eyes. "Lilah...you tell me what you can and no more baby. When you are ready to tell me other parts then I will be here. Don't force it though, ok?"

Lilah nodded and let out a relieved breath as she pulled her knees to her chest. "I was sick to start out with. It was pretty horrible and that was how Tobi and I figured it out. I never got sick like that really but anything I was trying to eat, well Gunnar was just not a fan of Abnegation food much less what we were allowed to eat." She chuckled at that and Eric tried to as well but he couldn't manage it.

"How long did that last, being sick that badly?" He asked quietly as he moved to put up the last of his clothes. He was trying to busy himself while he listened so he wouldn't focus on the anger he felt at the sick fuck that had hurt his family.

"Honestly, I was sick on and off the entire pregnancy but the midwife said that was normal. It didn't stay as bad once I got here and figured out what foods I could eat that I could tolerate. Don't get me started on the stupid cravings that hit me later on." She grumbled at the memory at some of the combinations of things she would eat.

That did cause Eric to chuckle. He had read up on every piece of pregnancy, and childcare he could shortly after he found out that Lilah had been pregnant. He hadn't known that she hadn't lost their child then but it hadn't stopped him from needing and wanting to know. He had needed to know what she might have experienced or gone through. When he found out she hadn't lost their son he had doubled the effort and tried to read as much on anything to do about babies and children. This he did as discreetly as possible.

"I read about that. It was in a book for dads to be and letting us know that cravings were normal. There were some pretty unusual things listed in that book." He smirked over at her when she sighed and grumbled.

"Imagine wanting and eating some of those things." A smile spread across her face when what he said registered with her. "You read some of those books?"

He had just finished putting his toiletries in her attached bath and walked over to join her on the bed. He nodded with a smile. "Yeah. When I found out Lil's, as soon as Tobi told me, I had to know things. I needed to know what you might have gone through, what you might have felt. What our baby would have looked like at each stage."

Tears filled her eyes at the thought that he must have been tearing himself apart at the loss and not being able to be there. "Eric…" She cried, letting the tears fall.

"Baby don't." He said simply as he gathered her in his arms and moved them to be able to sit against the headboard together while he held her close. Letting her cry and clutch to him. "I know it sounds like it would hurt me more Lilah but honestly, that might have been the only thing keeping me somewhat alive inside. Yeah it was painful but the pain, it helped. Kept me focused. And no baby, I don't blame you for any of it so stop. I can feel your guilt and there is nothing to feel guilty about."

"But….Tobi…" She got out between sobs and was stopped when he cupped her cheek and tilted her head to look at him.

"I am not going to pretend to have not been hurt by that Lilah but I can understand it a little now. Maybe if he never tried to make up for it, I might have a harder time moving on. But he did and whether he knows it or not, what matters is that by him letting me know baby, it saved me. Knowing that you were safe and well, that we have our son and he was healthy. It saved me so that I could be here with you now." He got that out between his own voice being choked up.

It had saved him for sure but it also gave him the resolve to not just give in to the hate for his aunt and others, self destruct and then take them with him. It had helped him focus on what he could do to not only just make things better for his family, but to be there with them.

"Do you want to talk about it Eric?" Lilah asked as she held his eyes. She knew there was more to the fact that he was saying it saved him but not what that meant exactly.

He nodded and sighed. "I will, just not tonight. I still want to hear about when you were pregnant."

"You obviously know that I didn't have it easy when Marcus was still alive. Physically and other ways too. I didn't find this out until just after he was born Eric but you saved us both." Lilah needed to let him know that even when he couldn't be there physically to protect and care for them he had still found a way to help them.

"What do you mean baby?" Eric frowned in confusion.

"The serums Eric. The first and second time you got them for me. Without them I might not have been able to handle the pregnancy, or the….well what happened with Marcus. They also said that just from the years I had been with the bastard the damage from that alone it helped with. You saved us both Eric and because you did I was able to do the same." Lilah spoke softly, tears still in her eyes as she smiled at him letting her love show through.

He was lost for words or a way to respond. He was torn between being happy he helped and still so broken from not having been able to be there for her. For not just taking her away from that house the minute he found her laying on that bed. He was a mess of emotions that he had been pushing away from letting himself feel or experiencing, good and bad, for so long that it was like tidal wave. He didn't even feel that Lilah had moved to straddle his lap and had pulled his head to her chest as they both clutched to each other and let the tears fall.

His arms went around her and held her tight and close. Letting himself be this way with her and knowing it was safe to do so. That she wouldn't judge him for showing this finally, and only with her. When his tears finally felt like they were calmed enough to speak he raised his head enough, and took one arm to pull her mouth to his. It wasn't a hungry kiss, yet. It was just another way for them to pour out their emotions, pent up or denied, for each other.

When the kiss finally broke so they could get air, they pressed foreheads together and closed eyes as they breathed. "I never want to be away from you again Lil's. You are it for me baby…." he stopped and pulled away to hold her eyes willing her to look at him so he could see if she understood, if she wanted the same thing "It doesn't have to be tonight or tomorrow Lilah, but I want to make sure Gunnar isn't the only one that has my last name. I want us to be a family."

Lilah nodded with a smile and put her hand to the side of his face. "I want that too, Eric. We already are a family though babe. From the moment you told me you wanted me, that you wanted us to be together here or honestly before that, you have been my family. I don't need to have a piece of paper to tell me that or your last name to make me feel that way. As long as you are by side that is all I need."

"I know it sounds sudden or…." Eric sighed in frustration trying to get his thoughts together because he was fucking this all up. "I don't care how fucking young we seem Lilah and I know that is why you are saying that. You think that because of our age you shouldn't pressure me into this. Am I wrong?"

Lilah bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't want you to think that because of everything that happened or because of Gunnar you have to…"

"I know I don't have to baby but I want to. I won't lie and say that it has nothing to do with everything that happened because it does. How many times I felt like I almost lost you Lilah...it fucking killed me everytime. I never want to feel that damn helpless again and will make sure of it but that isn't why I want this and you. I love you, Lilah Coulter. You are already that in my mind and I just want to make it official." His own hands had gone to firmly hold the sides of her face, his face a pure seriousness and love shining through.

His eyes bored into hers and he saw her answer before she vocalized it. She smiled tears shining. "I want to, Eric. I want nothing more than you and our family."

His own smile answered hers as the moved to kiss each other and share in the relief and happiness of that first major decision and discussion. There would be many more…..for later but now they took the moment to revel in being with each other again.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you all so much for you patience while I get my stories updated, my health in order and my creative batteries recharged. I love all the feedback I have gotten for the story and appreciate every view I get! I hope you all enjoy the chapter and Eric finally being able to be with his family and in Dauntless.**

 **Chapter 13**

She agreed to be his wife. Gods the thought of that was making him so fucking happy. He broke the kiss as he moved his hands to the sides of her face and pressed his forehead to hers. "Soon Lilah. I need to it to happen soon."

Lilah had to work to catch her breath enough to be able to talk. Her body and need for Eric was starting to push anything else out of her mind. Her mind worked as well to follow what he was saying and she playfully slapped his arm as the smirk on his face grew when he realized what was happening to her.

When she finally got caught up on what he was saying she nodded. "We can. We should talk to Mom and Dad to find out what we need to do or if we do need to wait until after initiation."

Eric chewed on his lip and sighed. "We don't. I already checked. I wanted to know how long I had to wait and needed to know what would need to be done. It would just take us getting married in front of Max and whoever else and then signing a paper. I also…." He paused, pulled away slightly and took the hand that was symbolic for marriage then ran his thumb over her ring finger as he looked at it. "I also found out that we don't have to get rings. I was upset because I have shit to give you, Lil's. I can't buy you a fucking ring like you deserve. Not for a while anyways, and no I won't let you get one for us."

His eyes moved back to hers to hold them seriously, showing her this would be one thing he couldn't and wouldn't let her do. "But Dauntless do have something else they do and I want that for us too. I want you to have both. The ring you deserve and us both to have tattoos."

She doesn't hesitate to answer or show her own pleasure at that. She knew that Dad had done something similar with Angel. They had started with tattoos; most married Dauntless have tattoos and not rings. But later when he had become a leader, he had wanted to honor both of their coming from a faction that had believed in rings, Erudite. So he had bought her one for their anniversary. Her mother loved both but she had confessed the tattoos had meant the most to her.

"I can't think of anything better than tattoos for us, Eric. You already know what I am going to say about the ring, that I don't need it, but I can see it is important to you. I will love both just as much though." She answered quietly as she leaned in and pressed soft kisses to his mouth, cheeks and jaw.

Eric let out a relieved breath and nodded as he pulled her to him for a deeper kiss. Their breaths mingled as lips slid against lips. There was the faint taste of chocolate still lingering for them after dinner that mixed with the intoxicating taste that was unique to them both.

It hit Lilah like the best vivid memory mingling with the present when Eric had kissed her earlier. That didn't go away or fade like she thought it would. She still felt the whirling mess of warmth and butterflies that she had felt from the first moment he had touched her face and looked into her eyes. It had only strengthened over time. Deepened with the love she felt, with the distance and time they had been separated. Their first time she had felt desire truly for the first time but it was still so new and innocent.

Now in his arms again with his hands moving over her she felt the desire change again. It was deeper, burned deeper within her and was quickly becoming a raging inferno rather than the ever present slow burn she had felt from the moment he had walked out of her door.

She gasped and moaned into his mouth at the simplest of touches that seemed to be setting her aflame. His hands, so strong and rough that moved from her face and hair to her neck in the barest of touches. When she gets daring and sucks his bottom lip into her mouth those same hands on her neck pull her more firmly, cradling it while his thumbs stroke the front tenderly.

Eric moans into Lilah's mouth as the kiss starts to pick up in urgency and need. All those nights he had lain awake remembering the feel of her in his arms and her kisses upon his lips were being blown away by the real thing in his arms again.

It was so much more intense, she was much more assured and addicting, than he could have predicted. It was slowly unraveling the resolve and promise he had made to himself over and over again that when they were finally able to come together again that he wouldn't let himself rush things no matter the discomfort he had.

So as much as he hated to, he slowed their kiss and his explorations until he was pulled back and looking at her. Her full lips red from him having returned the gesture of biting slightly on them or sucking them into his own mouth like she had done to his. Her eyes were heavy with the desire raging in them both. She was beautiful, so beautiful to him it was almost painful.

He shook his head as one hand went to run through her hair and the other to her waist, to still the movements he was sure she wasn't even aware she was making against him. "You are so beautiful, Lilah. From the moment I met you, you were like this light that showed me I could be something more. That I could be myself with you. I think even then I was dying inside with the weight of everything. You made that stop Lil's."

Lilah felt herself melting into him and the moment as she smiled at him and swallowed. "I vowed I would never fall, Eric. I had only just seen the pain it caused. I swore, I would never put myself in someone else's hands or let myself rely on someone else for my happiness. I didn't want…" she stopped and took a breath "I didn't want what he said to be true and that I would and could never be true to someone. That I would just ruin whoever I ended up with because I was too much like her."

She got this last bit out as a whisper and as if it was torn from somewhere deep within her. Somewhere she had hidden a truth she didn't even know existed within her.

Eric's frown marred his passion filled face as he pulled her closer to him. "Baby...I don't know anything about your mother or their relationship but you could never be like that."

She nods against him and sighs. "I started to realize that the moment I met you too, Eric. I knew even then that I would never see anyone else the way I saw you. I would never feel the way you made me feel from the first, with anyone else. I didn't even have to fight myself about wanting to be with you with every part of myself. It was like the part I was hardening or denying….it just unlocked with and for you. It would never and will never for anyone else Eric."

She leaned back to look at him and took a breath. "I would never allow and have never allowed anyone to touch me the way you did and do Eric."

She flushed a little as she said this because she was telling him she had never been with anyone else. She didn't really think he would wonder about that but she needed it to be said.

Eric felt pleasure at that but he had never had a doubt in that regard. He wondered if she had doubts about him, doubts because of those fucking rumors and whisperings he had tried to stop. "Lilah, I never thought otherwise. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear that you felt as deep as I did from the beginning baby. Through it all I never doubted that what I felt wasn't something that was just going to go away or fade. No matter how hard I had to fight for it and us it was never going to go away. That only made it deeper for me and more precious."

He took a breath and looked down, causing Lilah to worry for a moment until he looked back to her with an apology in his eyes. "I tried to stop those fucking stupid rumors, Lilah. I hated the thought of something hurtful and untrue getting back to you. It just seemed like the more I fought against them the worse they got." He ran a hand through his hair and scowled. "No matter how unbearable I made myself to be around to try and make sure people knew I was and never would be interested and that shit like that wasn't likely to be happening with me...it just seemed to make it worse!"

A smile ghosted across Lilah's face until she couldn't help it and started laughing. Eric turned his scowl on her until her laughter and the humor of the situation started to get to him and his deep laughter joined hers.

When she got her breath again she wiped her eyes. "I can just fucking see it, Eric. You stalking down the halls, looking for the world like you were ready to pull someone's spine out through their throat and all the while people are cringing in one moment and then girls tittering about the trail of females you were leaving behind."

He shook his head with his blinding smile, the one that only Lilah had been graced with, crept across his face. "It is funny now but it was annoying as shit then and just pathetic to be honest. Like I said Lil's, I wasn't going to put up with someone trying to hurt you further and say something that could get back to you. One guy found out really quick he needed to keep his fucking mouth shut about that." He sighed and ran his hands up her back. "It didn't work to shut up the others but I am glad you didn't believe any of it."

Lilah frowned and put her arms around his neck. "I never heard anything Eric. Good or bad I never heard a word about you. Tobi was really careful about what he said and he never said anything bad. He also made sure that none of the others that went to school that we hung out with said anything. At least I think that is what he did. Either way Eric, even if I had heard something I wouldn't have believed it. I know first hand what the rumor mill and gossip is like and the 99% isn't even close the truth or from a truth. But I also have faith and trust in you, in what you wanted and what you said that day."

There were long quiet seconds as they held each other's eyes while at the same time started to move their hands over each other. There was unspoken words through their eyes as they told each other what they wanted to happen now.

He kept his promise to himself though as he first let her undress him slowly and so reverently it left him blushing. Then he took his own turn, leaving her flushed and panting when he hadn't used just his hands to remove her clothes.

She found it was this odd mix for them as they came together again. It was an odd mix of feeling like their first time all over again but at the same time as if their bodies and souls had known each other so intimately for far longer than they had in reality.

In a way it was a first time because their bodies were so different from the young teenagers they had been. Both had gone through so many changes especially her own body. Eric's groans as he explored her were burning away any insecurities she had about what he would think of her body now after having their son.

There was a moment where Eric had paused over where she had carried Gunnar. He had softly and lovingly pressed kisses and ran his hand over the area. She barely heard his whispered promise as his lips moved against her skin.

"One day soon baby. But I will be here for it all this time." Eric promised softly, meaning to say it in his mind as he moved his hands and lips over her. Imaging how she must have looked and felt swollen with their son. He could feel her heartbeating even from where he was and it just added to the moment as he imagined her heartbeat along with Gunnar's.

With the promise made he let his exploration take him lower and felt his passion building the more he heard her soft moans or gasps. He poured his passion into giving her pleasure. For every tear she cried in loneliness or pain he wanted to to bring forth her cries of pleasure. For every night she had spent alone and missing him he wanted to let her know that she would never be without him there to fill her completely.

Lilah lost track of how many times Eric's touch and kiss had left her gasping and trembling. She had ended up having to bite into a pillow to at least try and keep reasonably quiet during it all. His eyes were so intense as they locked on to hers and she could see that everything about him was laser focused on her. He wasn't going to stop until he felt satisfied he had made up for lost time.

She was a trembling mess when she reached for his hand and shoulders, anything she could get to, to try and bring him to her. One hand locked onto his hair and tugged as she gasped out her plea.

"Please. Please Eric I need you." It was a breathy whisper as her eyes were filled with tears of need and happiness.

He hesitated after he had moved up to cover her body with his own. Unsure if he should take her mouth in a kiss or not after what he had just been doing. Lilah didn't have reservations or shyness about it. Maybe she should or would have had it been anyone other than this man who invaded every piece of her being. She felt no shame or hesitancy about wanting to share in their pleasure together.

So she pulled him to her for the kiss they both wanted and they both moaned in pleasure at everything that kiss held and meant. They joined together in that moment with one slow movement from Eric.

When he realized what he had just done he started to pull back and broke the kiss until Lilah whispered against his mouth that it was ok and that she was protecting them until they were ready. With a final kiss of assurance he held her eyes as the moved together, still keeping everything slow.

It was torture of sorts to go so slow but he wanted to enjoy every second, every face she made and every sound he was able to draw from her. Until those alone combined with the physical drove him over his edge finally.

Lilah followed soon after one final time going over the edge. At the end they had began to kiss again, to swallow their cries of pleasure that had begun to increase beyond either's control. When the final tremor passed from his body he moved to her side and pulled her close.

"I love you Lilah Coulter. I can't wait to make what has always been in my heart a reality." He got out as a whisper with his lips against her shoulder.

"I love you Eric. I feel complete with you here with us finally." Her lips were curled into a smile as her head lay on Eric' chest, listening to his heartbeat that he was trying to steady.

"Me too baby." He smiled and ran a hand through her hair. The smile widened as she sighed in bliss and arched her back like a cat as he played with her hair.

He listened to her breathing even out as she drifted to sleep while he continued to play with and stroke her hair. Eric turned his head to the side and looked to the monitor that was set up on the bedside table. The monitor that showed him the vid feed of his sleeping son and played the sounds of Gunnar's own soft breathing.

Eric closed his eyes and felt himself relax fully for the first time he could ever remember. He was home and with his family and nothing was going to take that or them away. Whoever tried would have all the fury of hell fall on them. Jeanine was first on that list and if everything went to plan that would be happening soon. That was just fine with Eric. All he wanted was to complete his family and help his faction to become what it was always meant to be again. Jeanine was right to fear divergents, or at least she was right as far as two particular ones were concerned. Because he knew that had it not been for him finding Lilah she might have succeeded. Now she was going to go down and hard.

That would be the third best thing to ever happen to him. He thought with a smirk as he let himself drift to the sounds of those he loved more than life itself sleeping peacefully.

Eric slept for a few hours, more than he had in at least a year now, until he couldn't sleep anymore and then laid there looking over Lilah as she slept so peacefully in his arms. He started running through things he would talk to Harrison and Max about and when the best time would be to do that. Part of him felt like maybe he should have waited in asking Lilah to marry him until he was able to tell her everything. The bigger part of him was screaming at him that he couldn't let her leave him, even if it was tantamount to him tricking her.

He wouldn't lie to her though and if she asked before he could arrange for them to get married then he would tell her. The panic that he felt at her possibly leaving him, telling him he is a monster and that she couldn't allow him to be around her or their son…..it started to flare up quickly.

He shouldn't be having such a problem with what he had been forced to do because he had been forced by the situation. He had also given those he was working with all of the details and was reassured many times by both Max and Harrison that in the end those people would have been brought to justice anyways. It still hadn't sit right with him, mainly because in the end he had liked what he had done. He felt like a monster because he had liked knowing he was wiping scum from their city even if it was done on Jeanine's orders.

The thing that was helping in all of that was and is Harrison. Harrison would never let anyone that he truly thought of as a monster anywhere near his daughter and grandson. If he was willing to accept him into his home and family….then maybe Lilah would be able to accept him and what he has had to do as well.

A sound on the monitor stills his hands from running through Lilah's hair that he had started to help calm himself during the panic when it had started to surge. Gunnar's whimpers started to grow until he was softly crying and saying Mama.

Eric was moved to get up and threw on some pajama bottoms quickly. Lilah was stirring as he was moving to the door. "I got him babe." He said softly and he thought he heard her mumble ok before he was moving to Gunnar's room.

He was standing at the side of the crib and looking at the door with silent tears running down his face when Eric got in.

"He buddy." Eric called to him softly as he moved over to him with a frown on his face. "Mama is sleeping but I am hear for you."

There were more sniffles then Gunnar thrust his hands out. "Up. Dada. Up."

With a smile Eric lifted Gunnar in his arms. Movement behind him had him turning just as Gunnar had finished rubbing his eyes and laid his head on Eric's shoulder, still shuddering in his cries.

Lilah hadn't gone back to sleep. She wouldn't have been able to if she tried to. So she had gotten dressed just as quickly to join Eric. She was going to let him handle it because she knew he wanted to. She also needed to be there because it was hitting her that for the rest of the week she wouldn't be able to be just there for Gunnar during these times.

She smiled when she saw Eric tenderly rubbing their son's back while Gunnar had his head on Eric's shoulder and was most likely ready to go back to sleep.

"He seems ok." Eric said softly when Lilah came up and kissed him on the cheek.

She nodded and smoothed Gunnar's hair. "He is used to waking and being able to see or hear someone in the room with him. It will be an adjustment for both of us to be honest but he is getting to the age where his own space will be good."

She said this truthfully but it was also to try and convince herself too. Eric pulled her to his side with his free arm and kissed her head. "Want to take him to lay down with us for the night?"

He was giving her the option but really he couldn't think of anything he wanted more.

She looked to him and smiled sheepishly with a nod. "Yeah. You don't mind do you? I just...I am going to miss being able to do that so much during the week."

She started to tear up a little and Eric gave a quiet chuckle. "No I don't mind at all. I was hoping you would say it was ok to be honest." She smiled and hugged her arms around his waist tightly. "Come on let's all go to bed then."

With a nod they walked back to their room. Eric never let go of Gunnar as he lay down and let his son rest on his chest when he got settled. He was slightly propped up on pillows with Lilah moved closer to his side and Gunnar laying on him mainly. Lilah pulled the covers over all of them and draped an arm over Eric and Gunnar, a sigh of contentment and tiredness escaping her.

Eric smiled at them both and felt the breathing of the two pulling him under to a sleep he didn't think he would be able to achieve again. He didn't wake again until the feel and sound of his son waking pulled them both from sleep to start their first of many days together as a family.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Well, because I am avoiding the gym during my normal time...because I am a coward and don't want to confront the maybe stalker I have going on there...you lovelies get another chapter. We will see how my close to midnight work out schedule affects me for the rest of the week though. Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 14**

Training was both stressful and not, for Eric. Stressful because he needed to do well enough to become leader. He felt so much of his ability to protect his family and faction hinged on this. His nonstop training from before he transferred helped to significantly on his end. The stress all came from the pressures he was putting on himself and what he wanted for his family.

Then there was Lilah and being both awed and worried as hell when it had come time for fights. He couldn't help the worry because it was just part of him and always would be. What had been surprising and continues to be surprising is the friendship he has slowly been developing with Tobi. It was hesitant at first but it might have been helped along by the fact that the morning after Eric had asked Lilah to marry him he had taken a step towards hopefully bringing the family all together.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He had asked if after dinner, Tobi, Harrison and he could step away to talk. They had agreed and while Lilah and Angel had taken Gunnar to the apartment, with Savannah tagging along, the three men had stepped out to a place in the Pit.

Harrison might have sensed what was going to be brought up or he might not have. Regardless he had ordered all three a drink. Eric had appreciated that as he was internally wracked with nerves but he knew he needed to do this. He had made a promise to himself when he was watching those vids that he would consider all those that were in Lilah and his son's life as family. If that was going to happen he needed to put the past behind him and take the next step towards that.

After they had all had a few minutes to drink, Eric had cleared his throat and looked to Tobi first. "I wanted to do this with both of you here but I need to say a few things to you first. I know that our past might prevent us from ever being truly close and I am ok if that is what occurs. I also want you to know that I am not proud of some of the things I might have said. I have no excuse other than I was hurt. Before Gunnar even, I have only really had one person I cared for, and that is your sister. From the moment I met her I cared deeply about her. More times than not I cared more about what was going on with her than for myself. " He paused to take a drink and a breath.

"I knew she was my family or I wanted her to become my family. I won't go into a sob story about my family because it doesn't matter, but suffice it to say there has been no one and will be no one in my life that I will ever love and be loved by as I am by Lilah. Now my son as well. I made a promise before I even knew about Gunnar that I would do everything I could to protect and care for my family. I still stand by that I just didn't realize that my definition of family would change or could change. Last night watching those vids of Lilah and Gunnar, I knew that whether any of you truly take me in as part of your family, I now include you. With that in mind I know that your sister's," he looks to Harrison as well at this "and daughter's well being and happiness is very important to you both. I thought it only respectful to ask for your blessing today because last night I officially asked Lilah to become my wife."

Having gotten all of that out Eric tossed back the drink and waited. He didn't know how Tobi was going to react. He thought Harrison would appreciate this even if he might caution them to wait or advice them to wait.

He hated that it might start out on the wrong foot if they couldn't or wouldn't give their blessing but he had no intention of not marrying Lilah before the week was out.

Harrison sat with a small grin on his face and chuckled a little before taking a few sips of his own drink. This young man was surprising him with every moment he was spending with him. First with how instant his need to be there for everything his son was doing. There had been no hesitation in him wanting to do the simplest of things for him. From changing his diaper or feeding him it didn't matter. He got the impression that Eric wasn't going to be put off being there for Gunnar by anyone or anything.

He had already figured that the young couple would be approaching him soon. He had no problem with it now that he had seen for himself that Eric was truly meaning all that he had said. What surprised him now was Eric taking the step forward to try and put all of the ugliness of the past behind him. To truly make this a family. Something told him that Eric didn't forgive and forget lightly or ever. His family meant that much to him though that he was willing to do that for them, for Lilah.

After he had taken his drink he nodded slowly. "Angel and I talked about this Eric and we knew that we were considering you part of the family. The moment I stepped forward to Max on your behalf you were one of us. You have her mother's and my blessing and whatever help we can provide we will."

Eric let out a relieved breath and nodded to the older man. His eyes moved to Tobi who was sitting there with his head bowed. Eric couldn't get a read on what he was thinking at the moment and frowned. He really did hope the two of them could move forward for Lilah's sake. She loved her brother fiercely. He would never want to cause her stress because he and Tobi couldn't get along for shit.

Tobi sat looking at his hands and tried to untangle his thoughts and feelings. The most prevalent one right now was shame at what he had done in the past. That he hadn't been able to be the bigger person and make this step but he also felt relief that this opportunity has come up.

He finally raised his head, forehead furrowed and lips thinned with trying to put into words what he needed to say. "It took a lot, I am sure, for you to do this and I appreciate it. You aren't the only one that regrets past actions. Like you said there was no excuse for it but it was done out of hurt and helplessness on my part as well." Tobi took a breath and nodded. "I just want Lilah and Gunnar happy. That is all that matters to me so as long as you keep to that promise, then you have my blessing as well."

The two young men exchanged nods at the unspoken message behind Tobi's tone there at the end. It was a warning as well that he would be watching him. Eric expected no less to be honest and while before his back would be snapping and fists clenching at that tone and message, now he appreciated it.

Harrison smiled widely and clapped first Tobi on the back then Eric. "Well, now that is out of the way, why don't we have another drink. Hang on though….there is one more person you have to run this by."

No one had seen Max lurking near by. Both older Dauntless had figured that is what this conversation was going to be but Harrison had wanted Max by in case Tobi wasn't willing to be as accepting as they hoped he would.

With a smile Max joined the men, ordered more drinks and Eric had made the same request of Max. After Max gave Eric a long and appraising stare, mainly for the sake of fun to make the young man squirm a bit, he agreed and they toasted.

While the others accepted the Senior Leaders offer for another drink, Eric declined but did say he would stick around with them for a little longer. He wouldn't stay long because Gunnar would be getting ready for bed soon and he didn't want to miss that. He also wasn't going to do that drunk. Harrison and Max shared stories of when Harrison had gotten married to Angel and when he had asked her.

Eric had mentioned that they would be doing tattoos until he could afford a ring and this had brought smiles from both older men. Harrison understood completely where Eric was coming from and he felt his respect for the young man grow even more.

Talk turned to Tobi, prompted by Max, and what young lady he had his eye on. Tobi could only blush and shake his head. "I am just trying to get through initiation. There will be plenty of time for that later."

The two older Dauntless shared a knowing look and Harrison snorted. "What do you give it Max? Two years…..if I am remembering correctly that is about how long she…"

Tobi scowls over at his father, causing him to laugh and the disgruntled grunt coming from his son. Max joined in the laughter while Eric's lips twitched even if he didn't know the specifics. He knew enough to be guessing that it was someone he knew before transfer, most likely from Abnegation.

Max was chuckling into his drink and then shook his head. "You know two years is a long time though, Tobi. Not putting ideas out there but I do seem to remember a certain young man's father that couldn't stay away from his now wife for the year it took her to be able to transfer. If I remember correctly there were many times we were sneaking out to meet that young lady and train her."

Harrison laughed and quirked an eyebrow at his friend. He knew this wasn't his leader speaking right now. It was his very best friend and the uncle of his kids who was wanting to make sure that they were both happy.

Tobi's lips twitched when he realized what he was suggesting and shook his head. There was no way her mother or father were going to go for that. He owed the Prior's way to much to go behind their backs no matter how much he wanted to.

This did bring something up for Eric he cleared his throat and looked to Tobi with a smile as he helped his soon to be brother in law out by changing the subject. "You know Lil's mentioned something after the choosing ceremony. It really got me to thinking and she isn't wrong at all."

Tobi looked grateful when the two men turned their attention from that uncomfortable subject over to Eric now. His own forehead furrowed in thought and he nodded. "You are talking about what happened with that kid? The one that couldn't make the climb."

Eric nodded and noticed that both the leader's shifted into a new mode. One he was coming to see meant they were in business or 'leader' mode. "The kid that was lost in the way to the train?"

Eric and Tobi nodded. "Lilah was going to go back to help him but we stopped her. She said that she understood why the tests were put into place it just sucked that she had to watch kids throw away their lives just because they weren't allowed to prepare for this. She wasn't and isn't wrong." Tobi said as he took a drink from his glass and grumbled a little.

Max sighed and nodded. "There have been mentions of trying to change the system but there have never been any proposals that were put forward that could or would be accepted."

Eric shrugs "There have been some changes over the last year or two. Maybe there will be more to come and then we can see about getting that put out there. I can say that if I am fortunate enough to make it to leadership or even some kind of government role that would be something I would be interested in looking at."

Tobi bites his lip in thought and nods. He doesn't think he would want to be involved in the government or leadership but he could get behind something that helped incoming Dauntless. Even if it was a teaching job at the school. That would be a thought to mull over.

The two older men exchanged looks and smirks. "Well, that will certainly be something to work towards. Another motivation to do your best. We have decided that we aren't going to base the position of leadership on rank as long as the candidate is within the top five. We are going to take in much more than just rank for such an important position." Max said firmly.

The part of Eric that had been stressed eased slightly at this but it did not lessen entirely. He wasn't going to let it relax just because it wasn't based on rank. He would still and needed to still do his best.

The men hadn't stayed much longer. Eric had wanted to get back to Lilah and Gunnar. Tobi, as well as Harrison, went along but it was understood that Eric would be taking over those nighttime duties.

By the smiles and giggles on the faces of Lilah, Angel and Savannah; Eric knew that she had told them what they planned. He couldn't help but return the smile as he saw how happy and glowing Lilah was. That night had been spent as a family for the first night until Tobi along with Savannah had to leave. Lilah and Eric had repeated the previous night's routine in getting Gunnar ready for bed with the exception that instead of going to their bedroom in the apartment they had to go to the dorm.

Neither had liked it and Lilah had softly cried outside of the dorm as Eric had held her, trying to soothe her while feeling loss himself. "He will be fine Lilah. He might look like me baby, but he has all the strength and independence of his mother."

Lilah had nodded while trying to get her tears under control and gripped Eric tightly. She just had to tell herself training was only four weeks. They still had weekends together and Angel promised that if Gunnar needed her badly at all they would be there to get them in a second.

When her tears finally stopped she took a breath and nodded to Eric as she looked up. She was glad she didn't have to worry about seeing disgust for weakness with him. She only saw love and shared pain. He was hurting just as much and maybe more about having to leave their son. She didn't think she could feel anymore love for him but in that moment it almost overwhelmed her.

This caused desire to flood her and she smiled at Eric. "I think we should go test just how quiet we can be." She whispered beside his ear and smirked when she heard his intake of breath and small growl.

He didn't even answer as he practically dragged her into the darkened dorm room and over to their bed. The pain of being separated from Gunnar pushed back a little at least for the moment.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"She's doing really well. Not that I am surprised. I was just worried. I didn't know how I was going to react to her fights honestly." Tobi said as he, Eric, Zeke and Hector are standing together. Shauna and Savannah are just slightly away and chewing their lips in worry as everyone was watching Lilah whirling her way around the matt against another Dauntless born twice her size.

Eric nodded with his own eyes glued to every movement she was making. Pride was filling him as it had been all week. He got what Tobi was saying though because every hit she took filled him with anger and was like a punch to the gut.

"I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it either. I thought for sure that I was, at the very least, going to be wanting to tear someone apart if I saw her taking damage." Eric admitted with a small smirk as Lilah launched into a series of kicks that had the guy going to the ground in pain.

Tobi nodded and frowned. He never liked the fighting part for himself. He was always afraid he would lose control. Lilah had too much control at times and it made her even scarier. "After all those years….I guess I just don't ever want to see that again"

Eric's lips thinned and he saw Zeke's did as well. The two nodded but didn't add more. There didn't need to be anymore said. It wasn't something Eric wanted to dredge up right now. He had, for the most part, gotten over his resentment towards Tobi in regards to what happened to Lilah. It still was enough to make him full of rage and that didn't need to happen at the moment.

Lilah won her match after her opponent conceded and she limped her way off the mat with a smile and catching her breath. She didn't even get off all the way before Eric was pulling her closer to inspect her. Causing her to snort and roll her eyes because Tobi and Zeke were hovering as well.

"I'm fine Eric. My foot is more sore just because Nev's head is so damn hard." She laughed at the Dauntless born limping and groaning his way off the mat after her.

Once he was done and satisfied he let Lilah move to his side and near the girls who high fived her after they reassured themselves she was fine too. Savannah let out a sigh and smiled at Lilah. "You finish out the fights with only two losses. Considering one of those losses was to your brother I say that isn't bad at all."

Lilah smiled over at Tobi who got a sour look on his face at the mention of their fight. It was the one that she had taken the most damage in. She wasn't about to concede and she had told Tobi that if he did she was going to be pissed at him.

Tobi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in frustration at himself for the whole fight. Eric sighed and nudged him with his elbow, looking at him seriously. "We had our orders from Max and Harrison. It needed to be done. The closer people are or if they are related then they are matched to learn the hard lessons. Believe me Tobi...I would have hated to be matched against her too. I would have also been more scared not to give it my all. Her pissed at me is not something I would have wanted." He said this last part in a whisper to Tobi but Lilah and the others heard it and laughter rang out, lightening the mood and causing Tobi even to smile.

It was almost the end of the day and all fighting had been completed. There had been some tense fights for all of the group. Shauna and Savannah had faced off with Savannah beating Shauna easily. Zeke and Tobi had faced each other with Tobi winning. Finally after long debate, Tobi and Eric had fought each other. It had been an extremely tense match up for Lilah but also everyone that knew the history of these two. They had decided, just like with Lilah and Tobi, no conceding. It was a good match but in the end Eric had won. It was clear that he had put in major extra training but it was no one sided fight. In the end they had both walked away banged up. Tobi had been knocked out but when he came too they had shook hands.

They still had to walk away to cool down for a while, but in the end they had managed and were once again standing beside each other bouncing in worry for Lilah as she fought.

There were going into off days and then the next stage would be starting. It wasn't something any of the Dauntless born or the Erudite that knew what was going to happen, were looking forward to. Lilah and Eric both were even more worried about the next stage.

She knew it would be bad. She knew that Marcus, things from growing up, or that night might all be possible. She had given this thought from the time Amar started to prepare her for the aptitude tests and advising her and Tobias on what the next stage would entail. There was no way what happened wouldn't come up in her fear. She just didn't know how she was going to handle it when it happened. What she did know is that she knew she needed to talk to Eric. She hadn't been putting things off exactly but she hadn't wanted to lose what the were just now gaining.

Eric, unknown to Lilah, had been agonizing over the same thing from the moment he hit the roof. The second stage, what he knew might be in his fears and her reaction to them were all he could think about at night as he held her while she slept.

They had plans to marry during the off days and something was tearing him apart that he hadn't been honest with her and talked about things already. He needed to do this before the got married. Their words about not wanting to hide anything from each other that first day had been ringing in his head.

He had an idea….something that was another way of opening himself completely to her. Just like being honest with her, it ran the extreme risk of driving her away. The thought killed him but he needed to take that risk. He needed to trust her and in them.

At the end of the day he approached Harrison while Lilah was with Angel in her room trying on dresses, he laid out his problem.

"Harrison, I have a favor to ask." He asked softly as he leaned his elbows on his knees and Gunnar was on the floor playing in front of him. "I still haven't been able to talk to Lilah about….those things." He looked to make sure Harrison understood what he was talking about.

Harrison nodded with a frown and motioned for him to go ahead. "We promised we would never hide things from each other, even the worst parts. I want to tell her but...I want to do something else."

Eric chewed his lip thinking how he could ask this.

Harrison tilted his head and put himself in Eric's shoes and approached things how and Erudite would. Considering he had come from there and had an aptitude for that it wasn't that hard. "You want to take her into your fear sim." He stated.

Eric looked up to Harrison with a frown and nodded. "Yes Sir. Before we get married if possible."

Harrison sighed and nodded in thought. The plan was for them to be married tomorrow, Saturday in a small ceremony here at the apartment. It would need to be tonight or early in the morning. Something told him that it would need to be tonight.

"I will go talk to Max and see what we can arrange for tonight. It will most likely be better once you get Gunnar to bed. You will need to talk to Lilah but I can pretty much predict that she will be fine with it and might even want to take you into hers." Harrison knew there were things she couldn't talk about with either him or her mother. He suspected that there was only one person she could or would be completely open with and that was the young man sitting opposite him.

If this is what it took for her to finally heal completely, for even Eric to heal, then he would make sure they had that chance.

Eric nodded to Harrison. "Thank you. I will talk to her while we are putting Gunnar to bed tonight."

Gunnar drew both their attentions after the decision had been made by his playing with blocks. With a smile and pushing aside the worry about tonight, Eric got on the floor with his son and helped to build forts and walls and then laughed along with him as he knocked them down.

Lilah looked in the mirror and smiled softly at the dress that her mother was insisting she wear for the ceremony tomorrow. Angel had arranged everything, right down to having a tattoo artist named Bud come to the apartment and do the tattoos there right after the ceremony. They had already given him the designs for the finger tattoos they would be getting.

The dress was just a simple maxi dress with spaghetti straps, slight v neckline, a knee high slit and in a burgundy color. She had refused anything lighter and more dressy than what she was already wearing.

Angel was behind her playing with hairstyles that she would like to put her in. Lilah wasn't going to complain. This, being able to do this with and for her daughter, made her mother happy and she wasn't going to take that away from her.

She was also trying not to let her own worries about her plans to tell Eric the things she had been holding in spoil this moment either. Angel was perceptive though and knew something was bothering Lilah.

Squeezing her shoulders, Angel lightly embraced her daughter from behind. "Something is on your mind and upsetting you. I know it isn't doubts about marrying Eric or being with him. I have never seen two people meant for each as you two are. So what is on your mind?"

Lilah sighed and turned to her mother with a frown. "I know that it upsets you a little that I can't talk to you about…..things. I am sorry, really I…."

Angel waves her daughters apologies away and shakes her head. "While I hate to see you upset or suffering I understand. I understand there are somethings you can't or won't talk about with us or Tobi even. I am guessing that you need or want to talk to Eric about them though?"

Lilah nods and looks to her hands. "I have let the days pass knowing it needed to happen. I know that I need it to happen before tomorrow. I am just….afraid…"

Angel pulled Lilah to her in a hug and sighed. "I won't pretend to know exactly what you are afraid of but I can maybe guess." Her voice turns hard as she addresses the next concern. "Whatever you had to do Lilah you did for your and Gunnar's survival. I think you will find that Eric will think the same thing."

Lilah takes a shaky breath and nods but stays silent. She can only hope so. She can only hope he doesn't find her disgusting or not worthy of being with after she tells him everything. She couldn't bare to lose him or see that in his eyes.

Angel pushes Lilah back with a smile and cups her cheek. "Come on, let's get all this put up and go join the guys. I hear Gunnar laughing his head off out there, we better make sure they aren't letting him tear the place up around him."

Lilah laughed as she nodded then began to change and help put everything for tomorrow away. She tried to put the thought that she hoped she would be wearing the dress tomorrow, getting married like they planned, aside.

Gunnar's laughter was doing a good job at helping to make that possible. It was like a siren's call luring her in and the smile she wore as she joined Eric on the floor to play with their son was bright. There was a moment when Eric and she locked eyes, and as was their way, they both saw that there was worry about what needed to be said. They were both scared of losing the other, terribly. They couldn't speak to reassure each other so they kissed over Gunnar's head and let that do the talking for them.

It didn't take it away but for the moment it eased the worry.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the support and feedback! Can't say enough time or with the proper words to express how much the encouragement and feedback mean to me. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.**

 _I said I'm not afraid that I am brave enough_

 _I will not give up until I see the sun_

 _Hold me now 'til the fear is leaving_

 _I am barely breathing_

 _Crying out_

 _These tired wings are falling_

 _I need you to catch me_

 _As I burn, as I break_

 _I can't take it anymore_

 _I return to the place_

 _Where the water covers over everything_

 _Rescue me somehow_

 _Hold me now 'til the fear is leaving_

 _I am barely breathing_

 _[Hold Me Now, Red]_

 **Chapter 15**

Gunnar's room was restful feeling as Eric held Gunnar in his arms and had just finished reading him a story. Gunnar was drifting to sleep finally after Lilah had then started to sing him his lullaby.

Knowing he needed to broach the subject he smiled at Lilah after she finished. "Lil's, I was wondering if you would go somewhere with me after we get Gunnar down."

Lilah frowned as she turned her attention to Eric but kept smoothing her son's head. "I don't mind but where are we going? Please don't say they convinced you to talk me into going out to some club for a 'last night of freedom' night out." Lilah groaned softly at her friends attempts to get them to have nights out before marrying tomorrow,

Eric shook his head and gave a quiet chuckle. "No. I think we intimated them all properly by our combined scowls and words at dinner tonight, baby."

Lilah smirked as she remembered how they had both turned their looks on the group when they brought it up. It had left them gulping and backing up as if they expected the two to launch themselves at them. "Well that is good. Where are we going then?"

Eric sighed and held her eyes. "There are things….and you need to know them before tomorrow. So, it would be to go talk about that but…" He swallowed a nervous breath down "I want to be completely open with you Lilah. So I arranged for you to go into my fear sims with me."

Lilah was still and swallowed the gasp she felt bubbling up. "You don't have to do that, Eric." She whisper strained and panicked. She didn't know if she was ready to face her own just yet and she knew that if Eric showed her his….she needed to do the same. No matter that he would say he wasn't expecting her to.

Eric reached out and cupped her cheek. "Yes, Lilah I do. Baby….we said we wouldn't hide anything. I won't go into this with all of that hanging over our heads."

His words were twisting the knife and he didn't even know it. Guilt racked her but she closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. She took a breath and nodded. "Then I need to take you through mine. There are things….." She trailed off and opened her eyes.

"It won't change how I feel for you Lil's. Whatever it is….I know it won't change how I feel for you." He said firmly to her, he just wasn't sure that he felt she would feel the same.

"I hope so Eric. I know I won't change how I feel for you either." Her voice was firm at the last part too.

They held eyes for a moment more before Eric moved to put Gunnar in his crib and Lilah got his night light set. After they walked out and closed the door, Eric pulled her to him in a tight embrace. They stood there for long moments just clinging to each other. When they finally pulled away, Eric took her hand to lead her to the living room.

Amar was standing there with Harrison. He had a serious look on his face and was searching them both. "Eric, coming from Erudite I am sure you know how the systems work. I will take you both there, make sure you are set up and leave you to it." Eric gave a nod and Amar turned to Lilah and his frown deepened.

"Lilah, I know Eric is taking you into his. It was suggested you were going to want to do the same thing?" His voice was disapproving because he did not approve of it at all. Fears were personal and could often times be misinterpreted. They weren't always literal and he hated to see if something came up that destroyed or hurt Lilah after all she had been through.

Lilah nodded firmly holding his eyes. "It needs to be done." Her voice was just as firm and sure.

With a sigh, Harrison and Amar exchanged looks. "These won't be recorded but remember what we said anyways. If you are going to go into this, go into it how you will during all the other sessions. You need to resolve the fear like a Dauntless would."

They both gave nods of understanding but Amar looked to them both one more time. "I also want you both to remember that not all of your fears are literal. They could mean something different than the images you are seeing."

With last nods from the two Amar led the way to the simulation room. Lilah grasped Eric's hand tightly along the way. They didn't speak as they moved quickly. When they got into the room, Amar made sure that all the equipment was on and working. Laid out the serums that would be needed for both run throughs and then sighed.

"First before I let you two get started, we need to see about how many fears you are looking at. I won't be in here or listening but I will be watching out time wise so that should anything go wrong I can gauge it by time. Eric, we will scan inject and scan you first."

He already knew that Eric would insist so that he could reassure Lilah it would be fine. Once he had Eric injected he scanned him for the number of fears the transmitters in the serum were picking up on.

"Eight fears. Not bad. Lilah you next." He said gruffly and injected then scanned her. "Seven fears. Again, not bad at all. It will be able to take your through all of those fears since you don't have the amount of fears we could exceed for the night. I will leave you both to it since Eric knows the rest of the procedure."

They waited for Amar to leave, and the door closed behind him before they spoke. "Is seven fears really not bad?" Lilah asked Eric curiously, avoiding thinking about what she was might face soon.

Eric sighed and nodded. "I am told that people usually have anywhere from fifteen fear on up. Both of our number of fears are good though I am not sure if it is due too our divergence or not. That wasn't something that was suggested in everything I learned about them during my time with my Aunt."

He grimaced at the reminder as he worked on setting up the electrodes. Lilah put a hand on his shoulder and made him look at her. "Eric. I want to make sure you are ok with this."

He stopped what he was doing and cupped her face in his hands as his forehead furrowed in seriousness. "I am Lilah. It isn't just about me using this as a way to tell you what happened. It goes deeper for me. There are parts of myself that even I have been to scared to see. I have, until now, refused to go through this. I don't know if part of me always knew I needed and wanted to do this together or I just didn't have the strength to until I got here. You have always made me feel stronger Lilah. I need to be able to see those parts of myself but I need you to as well. Full disclosure. I don't want there to be any shadows for us to hide in or secrets to tear us apart."

She was shaking a little as he placed the electrodes on her then on himself. "You are going to have to inject me and then I will inject you." He tells her after he laid himself on the chair and pulled her to recline on him.

He handed her the gun and showed her where on his neck to do the injection. They both winced slightly when the click of the gun sounded. He quickly took it from her and gave her own injection before he pulled her fully to his chest.

"I love you Eric." She said almost desperately as she felt herself fading.

"I love you Lilah." He mumbles and joins her in the blackness.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They emerged from Eric's fear sims with Eric gasping at first and then Lilah following after. He didn't want to look at her and he hadn't wanted to speak during them. He had just moved through getting through the ones that turned out to be basic fears as quickly as possible. It was the four fears that had everything to do with his family and his past that he had had the hardest time with.

She was still on his chest and in his arms when they came to. He tightened his hold on her but he still wouldn't speak. She lifted her head and looked to him, reaching out a hand to put it on the side of his face.

Eric's body release tension and he took in a breath he hadn't realized he was keeping himself from taking.

"You were afraid I would look at you like a monster Eric? That last fear….was me seeing you as a literal monster." She paused and released a breath, hating the pain he must be feeling but understanding why. "I could never see you that way Eric. Ever. Everything you have done has been for me, Gunnar or our faction. For our City. You are the bravest and strongest person I know Eric."

Eric shook his head and put his hand over the one on his face. "How can you say what I did was brave or strong Lilah? Did you see what I am capable of?"

Lilah gave a wry grin and nodded. "I saw you are capable of taking care of your family and yourself. Of standing against something and someone evil knowing that it could mean your death. I saw someone that recognized how bad you could be, how dark you could go, but you never let yourself, Eric."

His fears had shown her the secrets he had been holding inside. Not only from the past few years but also from his entire life.

The fear that just like with his parents, Gunnar and Lilah wouldn't find him worthy of love. That they would only see disappointment when they looked at him.

The fear that Lilah and Gunnar would one day look at him and all they would see was a literal Monster.

The fear that he was so damaged that he had passed that on to his child and anymore children that he and Lilah had.

The fear that he wouldn't be able to stop himself. Those times he had been assigned a task from his aunt, he had been afraid he wouldn't be able to stop himself once he got started.

Lilah pulled him to her for a kiss, letting her actions show him that she wasn't repulsed by him or what she had seen. She knew there was more to the story behind some of the fears and that would need to be talked about. For now, Eric needed to know she loved him before and still.

When they pulled away he let out a shuddering breath and nodded knowing that he needed to tell her now.

"I always knew she had plans for me, plans for Erudite and for the city. I just never knew what those plans were. I didn't always know I was divergent, but I think I had an idea. They were always going on about it but it wasn't until I got older that I noticed how much I fit into things they were saying. What I knew for sure was the more I acted unlike an Erudite, the more my parents looked at me in disgust. So I did what I could to hide any part of me that wasn't pleasing to them. In a way I was learning to hide my divergence even then."

Lilah nodded and laid her head back on Eric's chest after he pulled her to him while he talked. "It wasn't until shortly after I met you that I really started to question things, my place and if I even wanted to be part of their plans. I was…." He paused and tried to think of the word.

"Suffocating. You were suffocating because you could never be yourself and you felt like there was something wrong with you because of that. There was the part that was dying because of it and the parts that were raging, angry because it wasn't fair. You didn't ask to be the way you were but you felt like...you were being punished just for being born. Just for living or trying to live." Lilah supplied in a hushed voice.

It was everything she had ever felt living in Abnegation and under the yoke of her father. Eric let out a breath that was also filled with a choked sob. "How….how the fuck was I lucky enough to find you Lilah? I fucking hate that you had to go through everything thing you did but….if you hadn't I don't know that anyone would ever see me the way you can."

They tightened their arms around each other as Lilah nodded her understanding.

"Over that first year after we met she let me in on her secrets little by little. It was enough to let me know exactly what they were looking for and it helped me hide even better. Then came her giving me the early aptitude test. By then I had made my decision and knew what I needed to do. I knew I wanted to be here. I wanted to be here and with you, even before that day together baby. So I made sure that the result would come out as Dauntless." Eric gave a rueful chuckle. "Gods she was furious. I don't think anyone would believe her capable of any kind of emotion and they would be right on most of them. She sure has no trouble showing anger or hate though. I was in deep shit with her but I didn't care." He sighed and scowled at the same time. "After that day with you it worked me back into her good graces but after the test I went right back onto the list. At some point she decided that it was a good thing I was going to go to Dauntless, and that was when I started learning more of her plans. She wanted me to come here and work my way into leadership. She wouldn't say why but that I would be instrumental in making our city stronger. So she started setting up training for me in all kinds of things. You saw some of it in the fear. Learning how to torture someone, question them, kill…." He stopped and Lilah kissed his chest in support.

He started to stroke her back slowly. "I played along but I knew I wouldn't be going along with the plans. I wasn't as fully committed to the role I guess because she still didn't let me in on much. It wasn't until after the events with Marcus happened that changed. I still held back and didn't, wouldn't commit. I just wanted to appease her enough and get the fuck out of their Lilah. I just needed to be with you. When Tobi told me about Gunnar, that he lived and you both were fine. Something changed for me. It wasn't enough to just get out of there anymore. My life, my future meant shit unless I knew you two were safe. The day Tobi told me I made a vow and I committed everything I had to bringing the bitch and that corrupt faction down hard."

Pride, awe and pain radiated through Lilah but she squeezed him to go on. There was so much they needed to talk about and she knew they needed to just rip the bandaid off.

"Three months after that day I knew I couldn't do it alone. I wanted to, I didn't want to put your lives in anyone's hands but it was just too fucking big for one person to take on. I remembered Andrew Prior from that day at the questioning and how protective he was of you. I knew he had to have known that you weren't telling the truth about being with me and if that was the case then I knew he might also know you, and in turn me, were divergent. I held no illusions he would protect me but I took a risk that he would be willing to protect you. I also knew that it was larger than just you and it would affect his family too."

Lilah tensed and looked up to him with a quirked eyebrow trying to figure out how the Prior family would be in danger other than because of her. "How would it affect them?"

Eric chewed his lip for a moment. "She plans on wiping out Abnegation completely. Taking over the government and city and anyone that doesn't fall in line will be killed or controlled. She has been working on something that would allow for her to turn people that aren't divergent, into robots that she could control I guess."

Rage boiled through Lilah and contorted her face. "Well that will not fucking happen. I will gut the bitch my…."

Eric chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Let me finish Lil's." He said to cut her off.

Lilah scowled and held his eyes with her narrowed ones, gave a huff and then nodded to him once.

"Like I said I knew it was bigger than I could handle. I needed help but I didn't know how to approach Andrew. Luckily an opportunity came up where Erudite's from my year were invited to observe members of the government for a week. We were to observe and create a thesis based on something that we found interesting or of value in the process. I present the idea to Jeanine as a way to snoop and get intel. She pulled strings and got me in with Andrew."

Lilah smirked and smacked Eric on the lips for his quick thinking causing him to laugh a little and shake his head. "I didn't approach him right away about it. I needed to observe him and get to know him a little. Marcus had been the master of keeping his true nature hidden but there were tells. So I needed to know if I saw any in the new Head Council member. After four days of getting to know him and letting him get to know me, I broached the subject but as a topic for my thesis. As a hypothetical situation, if you will." Eric paused and gave his own smirk." I never thought I would meet another Abnegation that could inspire true fear from the righteous fire behind their eyes. I was sure that you were and would be the only one Lil's but fuck if I wasn't wrong. Andrew had such a fierce fire in his eyes that I knew I had chosen correctly."

Lilah smiled sadly and nodded. "He does but so does Natalie." A shiver runs through her as she remembers the look in Natalie's eyes when she found her that night…..

Shaking her head she looks up to meet Eric's eyes as he tilted her chin to do so. He was frowning in worry and she shook her head. "Not my turn yet, but we will get to that Eric." She promised softly and with trepidation.

A little bit connected for Eric from what she had just said and the look in her eyes. He had a feeling he was going to have one more Prior to thank for keeping his family safe but he was willing to wait until her turn to find out.

He kissed her softly before he pulled back and continued. "From there, Andrew and I made plans but he really spearheaded everything. We knew we needed to do this legally and involve all of the government to take Erudite down and put a stop to any future attempts. Not only to take over the government but to put a stop to hunting divergents. He brought on Max and Harrison first. That is how I knew Max as well as Harrison. It is part of how I knew more about Gunnar. It took a little bit for either of them to trust me enough with any information regarding you or Gunnar but they finally did. Otherwise we worked to build a case and brought in other trusted leaders from the other factions."

Eric paused and closed his eyes. "But it required me to go deeper Lilah. I had to make sure she never doubted my loyalty to her and I had to prove this by doing those things. I always told the others and made sure I was getting orders from them in essence, but it still didn't make me feel any better about it all. When she sent me after groups of factionless that were raiding Erudite labs I did. When she ordered me to torture information out of some of those men about their attacks on other factions as well as several deaths they caused, I did. When she ordered me to kill them, I did. I knew what she was doing though the entire time. She couldn't start me on innocents. She needed to try and desensitize me to killing but to also work into my mind that she was always right. That everything she did was with a purpose and all for the greater good. I might have gotten the orders officially from Max and Andrew, Lilah, but it was because of her I killed in the first place."

Sensing he was done and at the root of it all Lilah sat up and help his eyes with fierce determination. "I will repeat what I said earlier Eric. I do not and will never see you as a monster. Even had you not gotten the orders from Max and Andrew….even had you needed and felt like you could only do this on your own and had to do those same things to be able to bring her down...I would still feel the same way."

She moved her hands to the sides of his face and made him look at her when he would look away. "Being Dauntless, being who we are regardless of our faction Eric, it will never be black and white for you or I. We both saw that in each other and see it now. I have seen Harrison over the last year agonize over decision at times. Things that would make others cringe at the thought of them. There are and will be hard decisions to make through our lives but where our true strength lies Eric, is that we can and will make them. We sacrifice of ourselves to be able to do that."

"I love you Lilah. No big speech, no poetry, no song could ever cover how I feel about you. How much you and us mean to me." He had no words to cover exactly how relieved he was to have this all out there finally. It was a leaden weight in his heart that felt like it was finally lifted.

"I love you too, Eric." He smiled softly at him before they kissed deeply. She had to pull away and looked to the serum guns with a sigh. "We need to go into my fears now, Eric."

Eric nodded and cupped her cheek. "Just keep your own words to me in your mind baby. Just like you understand me and what I had to do….I will with you too."

Lilah's eyes filled with tears as she nodded. When Eric moved to set the system up for her fears instead of his she let out a whisper. "I hope so."

After he had them set up again he pulled her back into the same position. "It will be ok baby." Were the last words she heard before she was pulled under this time.

Part of her was terrified that it would never be ok again. He thought she was so strong. He had even said as much. He didn't know that when it had mattered most…..she had almost been too weak and he would have lost his son.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Ok guys this a long and emotional one. Was rather emotionally draining on me for sure. I need to put this out here...trigger warning. Big fat trigger warning. It was a huge trigger for me writing it and I am both proud of myself for being able to do it and kicking myself. There is mention of abuse, violence and allusions to sexual violence or attempted anyways. I did NOT go into graphic detail on that because I just couldn't.**

 **I know I often shout out to these two but they are seriously my freaking rocks right now. DYK...thanks chica for helping me out when my nerves about my writing get the better of me. sleepy1177, sis thanks for helping to keep my mind right and anxiety levels down by just letting me be my nerdy silly self when the crap gets to deep. Alright, enough of all the touchy feely crap...on to the show!**

 **Chapter 16**

It turns out that Lilah only had two normal fears. Normal by Dauntless standards really. Every other fear had some root in what that fuck of man had done or said to her. All except one that left him floored and just as filled with rage and pain for his Lilah.

When he came out of the sims he was crying. Crying for the pain she carried around with her and all that she had to face. He had some idea, had seen the handywork, had heard comments and rumors but nothing had prepared him to see those images.

She clung to him as much as he clung to her as they came out of it together. She was crying but she was also terrified. The fear sims hadn't shown that night but it hinted at it. It hinted at the fear she carried with her even now about how she might have lost everything in a moment of hesitation.

She thought that facing her fears would be hard but nothing was hurting as much as having to admit to Eric….Eric who was willing to put his life at risk time and time again for her….that she had almost not been able to end the threat to their son. If not for Natalie, if she hadn't tried to help only to be struck with the board instead of Lilah, she might not have been able to finally end Marcus once and for all. Or make it to where he wouldn't get up when Natalie helped to arrange for his end.

He knew he needed to stop his own silent crying and get Lilah home. They were done and they could talk about what they saw together there. Where he could hold her in their bed and let her know he wasn't going anywhere; that he wasn't letting her go anywhere either.

After composing himself and several deep breaths, he moved his hands to the sides of her face and made her look at him. Without saying a word he let her know that he loved her, even more now that she had let him share in fears he was sure she didn't even know plagued her.

"Let's go home baby. We can talk there." He said softly as he pressed kisses to her forehead, breathing her in.

Lilah nodded as she closed her eyes and leaned into the embrace. Such a simple thing, his lips to her forehead, seemed to send love and reassurance through her. It made her feel safe and wanted.

She wiped her eyes as he started to clean everything up. There was a knock to the door and then Amar came in after Eric gave the ok. He looked over the two of them, lingering longer on Lilah, before he gave a nod.

"I will clean everything up. You two go ahead and head back...home I would assume. I don't usually do this, but if you need to talk to someone about any of the fears you had, come to me. I will see them come Monday, but if you feel the need before then, just let me know." Amar stated in his gravelly voice that he softened with pride in what he saw from the young couple.

Eric nodded and pulled Lilah close to his side. "Thank you Sir. We appreciate the offer."

Amar nodded back and moved to the side to allow the two to pass. It was still early by Dauntless time so the Pit was full of partying people. Eric steered them clear as best he could and his glare kept most of the people that would stop and greet the two, at bay.

They made it back to the apartment and were relieved when they saw Harrison and Angel had already made their own way to bed. Lilah didn't think she could take seeing their worry at the moment. She was trying not to break down just yet.

Eric didn't say anything as he led Lilah to their bathroom, started the shower and then moved to grab their pajamas from the room while she started to get undressed. When they were both undressed he took her hand and pulled her into the shower with him.

The simple act of touching, holding, kissing and washing each other was enough for them both at the moment. When they were finished they took turns helping each other to dry off before they dressed and went to the bedroom.

He knew she needed time. Time to accept what she had seen and to be able to form the words he saw brewing in her mind. He also knew he needed to show her with actions that he would always be there for her. She didn't need him to fix her, she was perfect the way she is. She just needed to be reminded of this and just as he did their first time together he had no problem in showing her that side of him that was willing to be soft and caring. To treat her as she deserves and needed to be treated.

When they were settled on the bed together and he had her in his arms, they both sat and watched the monitor of their son sleeping for a few seconds before Eric squeezed her gently.

"That fear that had your mother in it baby….does that mean she is alive?" He knew she needed time still for the other bigger issues she was struggling with so he started with that fear.

Her mother appearing hadn't been a surprise with some of the things she had said regarding what she worried about. It was a surprise for her mother to appear and tell her that she would never be able to fight that she would leave her family behind just like Evelyn had done. That it was in her blood just as much as being a monster from Marcus was as well.

Lilah sighed and nodded. "Before she supposedly died she begged me to always take care of Tobias if anything should happen. That I needed to be the strong one and was always the stronger of the two of us even if I was the technically younger by an hour. So I promised her of course but I would have done it anyways. I always had tried to make sure Marcus focused his words on me. That is all it was at first but I knew it was more for her. I knew he was hitting her but he was never open about it. I also heard more of their arguments than Tobias did so I had some ideas of what they were about."

Eric gritted his teeth at the fact that her mother must have known and planned to leave, and them behind. She left all of that shit on Lilah too. He pushed down his anger and kissed her temple. "What were the arguments about?"

Lilah sighed and scowled. "Do you know much about how Abnegation works as far as….the roles men, women and children play?"

Eric shrugged and shook his head. "I know that the women always seem to defer to the men and children rarely speak in the presence of adults."

Lilah nods and sighs. "Women are considered to be caregivers, homemakers, and are not allowed to have a real voice in much of anything even in their own home. Mom says that Evelyn always was outspoken and had such big ideals on what she was going to do to help the city and the factionless. I'm not sure how they met and I don't really care but Mom said that he made her feel valued and listened to. He had her convinced the only way for them both to make a difference was to go to Abnegation. He was going first because he was older but he had her convinced to transfer there when it came time for it. He even snuck out to see her the three years until it was time for her to transfer."

He could see it in his mind too. Marcus would have wanted someone of his choosing as his wife and one that he could manipulate and use for her intelligence as well as image.

"I guess things were ok for the first few years they were here and Marcus was making his way up the leadership ladder. I think she was miserable from day one though. How could she not be when she had no voice, no say in the big matters and then could never be allowed that with Marcus. She checked out before she ever physically left though. I am not sure but I suspect that she started having affairs after we were born. I know she left for a factionless man she had fallen in love with."

Eric looked at her as he stroked her cheek and bit back the litany of curse words on his mind. "How did you find all of this out?"

Lilah shrugged. "I ran into her among the factionless. Shocked the hell out of her but it didn't me for some reason. I think I knew when it happened...I knew she would never have willingingly slept with Marcus and he wasn't interested in getting physical like that with her anymore. She was pregnant though I just know it wasn't from him. She tried to get me to leave then. Kept going on about how she was going to make the factionless strong. That together we could do it and there would be no stopping us. I didn't even bother to respond to her, I just walked away in disgust. After that, different factionless approach me from time to time, trying to arrange meetings for her. I know she had me watched so I also know she knows about what was going on in that house."

"You will never be her or anything like her Lilah. You walking away from her that day proves it. How many times could you have run far away and left it all behind but you didn't. You could have given up on us during those years but you didn't. You are nothing like her." Eric said fiercely and with vehemence.

Lilah frowned and nodded. "I guess I never really thought how deep that ran, the fear that I was just as much like her as him. That shows in the other fears. That I will turn into him or am capable of being exactly like him. I know that logically it would never happen. I just also know that I have the ability to hurt people and badly. I also know I don't hate it."

Eric brings her closer and kisses her softly. "You do and so do I. Baby just like you said to me...you know how dark you can go, how bad you can be, but you don't let yourself go there unless you have damn good reason to. As far as the other fear Lilah that you are too damaged, not worthy, or will never be what we need...you can just forget that shit right now. That is all crap that man has poisoned you with everyday of your life."

Lilah shakes her head and sighs. "That wasn't what the fear was of exactly, Eric. It was the fear that I am going to turn those kinds of words onto others. That is what I am scared of the most and what all of those fears but one mean….that I am going to do unto others as was done unto me."

"I get it baby, the fear that you will hurt someone you love is the worst thing you could imagine. Lilah….it says a lot about the kind of person that you are that your greatest fears are that of causing others pain. It tells me what I have always known but you need to see that for yourself. You have strength and fierceness in you and it is at its greatest for those you love or care about. Those are just two of the qualities your parents could never have, as they clearly showed. So I will say again...you could never be like either of them." He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

She was holding onto him, fighting tears of relief at hearing those words. She didn't know she had needed to hear them really but the insecurities built from a lifetime of emotional and mental abuse were clearly laid out in front of her in those fears.

He said nothing as he held her, kissing her head and let her process everything. Inside he was promising that if he ever came across Evelyn Eaton he would make sure she would pay for her part in everything Lilah had gone through. She might not have spewed the words, or held the various objects that harmed Lilah ...but her walking away and leaving her children to it all made her as much at fault if not more than Marcus.

He couldn't kill Marcus again, though he wished to hell he could. He could make sure Evelyn never had a day of peace again.

Speaking of Marcus, he sighed and finally made Lilah look at him. "It's time, Lilah."

She knew what he was talking about instantly and tears filled her eyes but this time she didn't hold them back. "I don't want you to hate me or think I am so fucking weak, Eric."

Eric sighed and shook his head. "I already told you baby, I could never think that of you. You did what you had to do, or what you thought was best. Lilah...I wasn't there...though I wish I could have been. I have no fucking right to judge decisions that had to be made in those moments. All I can do is listen and hold you. You need to talk about it though and you know I want to listen, to be here for you now. I couldn't then but I can and will be now."

He wiped the tears from her eyes as she closed them and nodded.

"I knew the day was going to be bad the moment I woke up. I was sick all the time but I had to put it aside or it made things worse. So I got up as normal and made breakfast for Marcus. Tobi and I weren't allowed to eat what we made him…"

 _Flashback_

 _I had just set the plate of eggs, bacon, toast and coffee in Marcus' normal place when Tobi finished making sure Marcus' bag, clothes and shaving utensils were all prepared and laid out._

 _He joined me in the kitchen afterwards so we could try and salvage what our breakfast would consist of. Marcus always had meals we cooked with fresh ingredients. Most of them would be things that would never be found on an Abnegation table. Marcus didn't care and if he wanted it we had to make it._

 _For our meals it was always canned goods or whatever was left over from the day before when we prepared meals for the factionless. There was hardly anything left over but anytime this item as on the menu there was always plenty left. I had a feeling we would be eating on it for days._

 _Cold, lumpy, concrete looking oatmeal. Reheating didn't help and we weren't allowed to touch any of the milk to try and make it any appetizing. Never mind sugar or anything else that would make it taste any better._

 _My stomach was already churning at the sight of it much less the smell or thought that I would have to put it in my mouth. If I didn't at least try and eat it or act like I was eating it, there would be hell to pay._

" _Lilah, you have to make it look like you are happy with it." Tobi whispered to me quietly when he saw the look of disgust that I was having a hard time wiping from my face. I couldn't help it, my little kicker was giving me the signals he wasn't going to be happy if I went anywhere near the shit._

" _I am trying Tobias." I groan as I feel the roiling increasing._

" _Delilah, Tobias….." We heard the calling of Marcus as he took his place at the table._

 _With a sigh of defeat I knew it was no use fooling with the foul stuff anymore and scooped some in two bowls then moved to serve Tobias first and then took my seat beside him with my own._

 _I tried to take the smallest measure on my spoon and look as if I was politely savoring the crap in the bowl. If I could eat slow enough and take only the smallest amounts in, he might be satisfied and go on about his day without it causing issues._

 _I didn't get so lucky. "Delilah, it is very selfish of you to dawdle while you eat as if you have all of the time in the world. Do you think you are some Princess that deserves to be waited upon?"_

 _Tobias looks to me and I can tell he is willing me to just be respectful in my answer and not invite more trouble. Internally seething I take on a meek and cowed look and nod. "No Sir, I know I deserve no such thing."_

 _Ok, so I failed to look cowed or meek and my words came out more sarcastic than I intended. I had barely been able to do that in the best of times but between my sickness, the hormones and my disgust for the man that claimed to be our father, there was hardly any holding back any more._

 _I saw Tobias close his eyes and I know he was internally groaning._

" _Obviously your words and actions show otherwise. You are lucky I am such a forgiving man and that I have important matters to attend to or I would find it necessary to remind you of how kind I am to allow you to remain under my roof and eating food from my table after all the shame you have brought on us. Do not make me regret my selflessness in allowing you to keep_ _ **it**_ _." Marcus' voice went menacing and though I knew he wouldn't punish for the moment, I also knew it was coming._

 _The rest of breakfast passed without much further incident because Marcus decided he was done. As he always does he made sure the food he abandoned would be inedible by either of us before he tossed it into the trash. His wicked grin told me he knew I had been contemplating swiping it and falling ravenously on the only food that had appealed to me in weeks._

 _It was his favorite game now. To find out what my stomach seemed to be able to tolerate preparing, what it looked like I craved, then having me make it for him often. He would also usually barely eat any of it or at all before he dumped the ashes from his cigars, cigarettes, dirt or anything else that he knew would make it useless to us all over it._

 _When he was feeling particularly cruel, which was often lately, he would follow that up with a beating. Because of course it was my fault he had to go to such extreme measures to show me the value of selflessness. To drive home those hard lessons that were always for our good._

 _With a sigh of regret and knowing I would go another day hungry and sick, Tobias and I cleaned before heading to the volunteer center._

" _We should run, Lilah. There has to be somewhere better for us. I can take care of the three of us. I can find a way to take care of you and our little guy." Tobias' voice was strained as he looked at me. I was getting weaker by the day. I don't know how much I was going to be able to handle. Between being sick and the beatings that I managed to hold off a little I was fading fast and I didn't know what else to do. Sometimes I was able to slip things in Marcus' drinks or dinner that made him weaker or sleep._

 _Even my brother didn't know about that. I had gotten them from someone that I trusted completely and would also protect fiercely. Between Johanna and Natalie, they had been doing all they could to help me. Johanna didn't know about the pregnancy because I hadn't been able to get to Amity in a while._

 _Natalie did however, but only because she found me a month ago passed out and from what she said I was choking on my own vomit. Lovely. She has been trying to help where she could from then on after I explained to her what was going on. She wouldn't take any lies or evasion from me anymore._

 _We had been doing that for years now. The Prior's helped where they could but Natalie was determined to get the answers she knew lay behind our disappearances, pallid coloring and ill health. Even for Abnegation we were small and unhealthy looking. Tris who was two years younger than me and tiny compared to me looked so much more physically capable now._

 _The day she found me she got me to her home and called Andrew right away to come home. Between the two of them they got me to open up about what was going on. I hadn't wanted to tell them about Eric but Andrew had been determined to know why the father wasn't stepping up. Once I mentioned Jeanine he had been just as determined to keep Eric away. I expected to have them lecture me about becoming pregnant so young. Neither did and just looked at each other knowingly._

 _It wasn't my business so I didn't ask further questions but I could guess what that meant. It seems maybe Caleb was an early wedding present for them both._

 _The thought of wedding and Eric sends pain ripping through me and I have to pause while Tobias helps to steady me. I fight back the tears and only half succeed. I can't talk to Tobias about it. The last time I mentioned him, he had gone ballistic and was set on going after him at school._

 _My peaceful, non confrontational brother was becoming so angry that I could see the need for violence brewing under the surface for him. When Marcus started in on me now, Tobias fought back so fiercely it took Marcus taking objects and knocking Tobias him out to get him to stop._

" _Are you ok to keep walking, Delilah?" Tobias asked worriedly as I made myself start walking again._

 _I nodded weakly and kept going. When we made it to the volunteer center we were greeted by a now familiar sight. Beatrice Prior was waiting outside for us both. I knew that in her bag she would have things her mother had secreted away for us to eat. Her shy smile to Tobias that was returned just as shyly lightened my spirits slightly._

" _Good Morning Delilah. Good Morning Tobias." Bea greeted us softly. She beckoned us to a spot that would be hidden from view and looked to me with concern. I don't know how much Natalie had told her about my condition. I think she was able to figure things out on her own though._

 _When I was sitting on some old crates off the alley behind the volunteer center she opened her bag and started to set out the items. There was a small bundle of pills that Natalie said were called prenatal vitamins and others as well. There was a bottle that I knew would contain orange juice for me as well as one with water. There was also a sandwich that would most likely have egg substitute and cheese. It was a feast compared to what I had been eating lately._

" _Slow down Lilah." Tobias said beside me in a worried manner. He had seen me get sick from eating too fast after not having eaten in awhile._

 _I cast a sheepish look to Bea and Tobias and swallowed my food then slowly drank from the bottle of juice. With a sigh I let that start to settle before I resumed eating slower._

" _How are you doing, Bea?" I ask trying to alleviate the tense anger I could see building in the younger girl. I had long had my suspicions about Beatrice being meant for Abnegation and also about her being Divergent._

 _She gave a small smile and shrugged. "Things are going exactly as they should I guess. Volunteering takes up most of my day since school is out. I would never say this outloud where Caleb or anyone else could hear it, but I can't wait for it to start again."_

 _I smirk and laugh a little with a nod. I could understand that. It gave us a break from having to work all the time. I got to learn and if I was lucky could see Eric at least a handful of times during the day. I hadn't been able to look at him long because I knew he would see. He would see and he would try everything he could to help but I couldn't let him do that. I couldn't let him endanger himself anymore and Marcus had too much power to ever allow me to be taken away._

 _We make small talk after that while I finish my breakfast. Tobias tries to tell me he got full from half of his sandwich and I try to glare at him. We have a small standoff but hunger wins out and I take his half. I eat it but do not enjoy it. I try not to let the tears that threaten me to well up._

 _When he is sure I have eaten enough and all that Bea brought, we make our way into the volunteer center. I am slow in working and I can see worried glances from more than just Natalie, Beatrice and Tobias._

 _There are factionless men and a woman that come to the center. They watch me closely and I know why. It sets my teeth to grinding but I say nothing and bring no attention to them. I haven't been able to find a way to tell Tobias what I found out three years ago. I think that it might finally kill him when he does find out._

 _Those worried glances deepen when Marcus fair storms into the volunteer center and demands I return home with him. That I am needed there for duties I must attend to. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I can't help the wide fearful eyes I cast to Tobias._

 _He tries to say he will go home as well but Marcus will not have it. When he all but drags me away Natalie had been in another part of the center. My last view of Beatrice was hard eyes as she cast a glare over her shoulder at Marcus while she was running, presumably after her mother._

 _He barely waited for the door to close before I got a backhand to the face and went flying to the floor._

" _You will clean this house from top to bottom for your insolence this morning. If I hear one word out of you then I will make it worse. Since the food I provide is beneath you, you will get nothing for the rest of the day. Maybe you will learn to appreciate what I provide you from now on." His words are said in the same manner they always are but it is his eyes that cause me to hold my tongue...for once._

 _From the moment I saw him in volunteer center I knew something was off. I had only seen him this way one other time and it was the night before we had been told Evelyn died. He had that same look and the sounds of her cries from their room where awful._

 _I cleaned anything I could think of. The only time I stopped that day was to make him his meals. By the time lunch rolled around though I am not sure he was even lucid enough to realize what he was eating. He was drinking heavily and this made things all that much worse._

 _He was giving me the looks again. The looks he started giving me from the moment Jeanine Matthews had delighted in telling him I was sexually active. There were rumors among the factionless. Rumors of what he did with the women there for the payment of some small luxury or another. He had said things through the years but lately he had been hinting more and more about what kind of payment he deserved for allowing a whore to stay under his roof._

 _I was in the middle of preparing dinner when I knew it was going to happen. I felt his stare from the doorway of the kitchen. Heard the sloshing of the bottle as he had stopped bothering with the glass long ago._

 _I tried to ignore it and carry on but he moved closer. My heart was in my throat as I calculated or tried to calculate what his next move would be. My stomach roiled and I recognized that it wasn't the sickness. It was him, my little guy, sensing my distress. He did that. When I was upset or sad I felt him. I had felt him much earlier than I think I should have._

 _I felt a strength from that and him. Tobias and I were convinced that my baby was going to be a boy. He was a fighter and let me know often he was there. Like now he was letting me know he was there and I could just imagine he was lending me the strength that coursed in his father's blood too._

 _The next thirty minutes were a blur of struggle. He didn't say anything which was even more chilling. Marcus liked to talk when he was hurting me. When he was quiet was when I was only ever truly scared because I think it meant he was beyond the grasp of what little control he had on his violent streak._

 _I fought back hard and while he used his fists I was using the knife I had in my hand when he began. I should have killed him. I don't know why I didn't but in all my mind whirling of what I could do to stop it from happening, all I could see was the end result. Me in prison, leaving Tobias and Eric behind and my baby….who knows what they would do with him._

 _Marcus had a board. One he liked to use for the times we fought back and usually together. Natalie had to have been listening or near because she burst into the kitchen door and set upon Marcus with a vengeance. She had some training though I don't know how. I had been torn, even then, about ending Marcus' life._

 _When I saw Natalie go down after she took a hit to the head, I lost it. The knife was a blur as I started slicing at anything and everything I could on Marcus. I was losing steam though and one of us was going to go down first. I just knew it was going to be me._

 _I was wrong. I had hit something and he was bleeding out fast. He went down but wasn't dead. Natalie had recovered enough to pull me away and check me over once we knew Marcus was down and didn't look to be getting up._

 _I was bad but not as bad as I could have been and had been before. I could only stare at Marcus bleeding out on the kitchen floor in horror._

 _Not because I didn't want him gone and dead or that I wouldn't love to finish him off. But because all I could see was me going to prison and never being able to see my son grow up. To never be with Eric like we promised. To leave Tobias all alone._

" _Delilah…." Natalie called to me softly and shook me out of my shock. "It will be ok, sweetie. You have to do exactly as I tell you to do though. Can you be brave enough to do this little bit more and then it will all be over?"_

 _My forehead furrowed as I shook my head and tears filled my eyes. "It will never be ok. Natalie what am I going to do….they are going to take my son away from me. They are going to lock me away and take him away from me."_

 _She grabs my chin and with a fierce look in her eyes she holds my own. "I will never let that happen. We will never let that happen. We don't have much time though so I need you to do what I say. Go get cleaned up as best as you can sweetie. Then hurry and come back down here. I will be finished by the time you get down."_

 _I followed her instructions but couldn't see how it would ever be ok again. When I came back down I noticed that the kitchen was clean and Marcus was on the couch. There was the smell of burned flesh and when I looked the side where I had hit something on Marcus to cause him to bleed out was burned closed._

 _I quirked my eyebrow at Natalie and she shook her head. "I will explain later. Now, I am going to walk out of that door and back to my house. I want you to follow exactly two minutes later and go the back way to circle around our sector. Andrew will meet you at the edge of the sector and he will have a serum for you to drink. This won't heal everything but it will heal enough. By then it should be well into being started."_

 _At first I didn't understand what she was talking about but then I saw. The way she had Marcus set up on the couch, with his whiskey and cigar. It was set to burn right through what looked like to be a very doused couch._

 _My eyes held hers as a grin crept across my face. It wasn't a nice grin I realized but I didn't see disgust or fear in her eyes. I saw pride and even her own delight in such a horrible man finally getting his due._

 _I didn't say anything else to her and she didn't to me either. When she left I waited the two minutes like she said. I cast one more glance over my shoulder to see the still barely breathing Marcus Eaton breathing his last breaths. I hoped to hell that he felt every bit of the flames that were about to consume him._

Lilah didn't dare speak or breath after she told Eric about that night. She had felt his body tensed and coiled. The logical part of her was reassuring her that it wasn't anger at her at all but at what Marcus had done or what he had been going to do as well.

The part of her that felt like a failure and weak for not having ended it so much sooner was whispering those poisoned thoughts into her mind. Telling her she deserved for him to get up, walk in their sons room and take him from her. To get him far away from the coward that had almost let him be killed.

She should have never hesitated even if it meant she spent the rest of her life in prison. Gunnar would still have been given to his biological parent. Eric still would have had his son and he would have never hesitated to put anyone down that threatened him.

Eric didn't even have to see her face to know what she was feeling. He felt it in her body and the tears that were falling like a waterfall from her eyes; splashing onto his arms that were holding her to him by her chest.

If he let her she would bolt from him right now and he couldn't let that happen. He was trying to get the anger from his voice and face before he spoke but it was taking too long and he needed to let her know how he truly felt.

"Lilah Coulter, I need you to look at me right fucking now baby." He demanded of her and started to make her turn to face him.

She was blinking rapidly and her chest was heaving from the sobs racking her body. He pulled her so that their faces were inches apart and she was straddling his lap. He still had to keep a firm grip on her and not just to keep her in place but to comfort her, showing her he wasn't letting go.

"I hope to hell he felt everything, Lilah. I want him to have felt every single second of that pain and felt helpless to stop it. If I could I would go back and use every bit of skill and knowledge I have to give him the most amount of pain anyone has ever been through. All of my anger is at him baby. At what he did to you and what you were made to do."

She started to shake her head and speak but he put a hand over her mouth and scowled at her. "I need you to listen to me baby and really hear me. I understand what went through your mind. You didn't hesitate because you couldn't carry through with it you hesitated because you needed to think it through. You needed to have a strategy but it was hard to do in the amount of time you had. You weren't being a coward because you couldn't or wouldn't kill him. You were trying to be smart to make sure that you would be there for your son and family. I would have done the same fucking thing baby."

He stopped then, removed his hand from her mouth and stroked her cheek. "Do you believe me, love? Because I need you to know I still think you are the strongest person I have ever known. Maybe even more now that I know everything."

Lilah felt the tears that had been coursing down her face change to ones of relief. "I was so afraid that you would think I was weak. That it would disgust you that I couldn't do what I knew you would have no issues doing."

Eric kissed her softly and sighed. "Like I said I would have done the same thing. I would have taken those extra seconds to try and figure out a way to put down a rabid dog but still be able to walk away. Just from what you told me with Natalie and Andrew Prior, Lilah….they knew too. They knew that was going to be the only way to have been able to get it done. But they had the time to think it through baby. You were still trying to put up the fight and you did so fucking good Lil's. I am proud of you beyond what words can say."

She collapsed into his arms and sobbed quietly for a little bit longer while he stroked her hair, knowing it would soothe her. When he felt her cries start to quiet he pulled back to look at her with nothing but love shining in his eyes.

"I love you baby and I can't wait for tomorrow." He whispered softly. She was already half asleep on his chest. The emotions from the day and the weight lifting from her chest had drained her.

"I love you more, Eric. I can't wait either." She said in a sigh and placed a small kiss to the place where his heart beat near her lips.

He gave a soft chuckle and pulled the covers around them, tucking her in. It took him a while to fall asleep himself. He was both relieved to have unburdened himself and allowed her to do so as well; but also troubled by how deep and long she had been hurt. For someone that had experienced that kind of abuse she was remarkably well off. What bothered him was the system that allowed things like that to happen.

Andrew and Natalie Prior hadn't known. She had made that clear in her telling of him. Tobi and Lilah had lied or evaded answering. People had to have had an idea and suspected though. He respected Andrew even more now but that would be something he couldn't _not_ bring up. It burned in him to never allow that type of shit happen to any child again and he didn't give a fuck what faction they were from.

Lilah was bringing him such purpose and passion that at times it was hard to fathom what he would have become without her. The answer when he guessed or looked back wasn't pretty. He would have become an empty shell of a man that let himself be manipulated by people that claimed to be his family but never were.

His hold tightened on his wife, because she was that in his mind and heart from the day they joined together. With the sounds of his son asleep beside him through the speakers and her heart beating against his on his chest he let himself go to sleep.


End file.
